and am STRUGGLING with my mental health right now. My husband and I both work full time, and we “own” our house, but we gotta make that mortgage payment. And I’m paying off the oil bill from last winter still, and work on my car that I don’t even own anymore is running up interest on my credit card, etc, etc. On outward view our life looks okay but I am falling apart inside. And money isn’t even my realest stressor- it’s just the reason I haven’t gone to a doctor to try and get my mental health in order. I don’t have money for copays. I don’t have money for prescriptions. I certainly don’t have that ongoing therapy loot!
I’m caught in an anxiety and depression spiral right now that’s telling me I’m going to fail at school when I go back this fall and everyone is going to hate me anyway and I should probably not even bother and it’s going to be so so hard and I don’t know HOW I’m going to balance working full time overnight and go to school full time during the day and try not to fight with my emotionally stunted husband in the meantime. I’m so alone and I feel like I have no where to turn
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maggief9812
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have you thought of taking out one of those types of bankruptcy's that will pay out to your debtors what is lesser amount so you can have realistic living expenses, yet at the same time your still paying down your debt. Basically transferring your mortgage and credit card dept. to a financial management and taking it out of your hands.
Any kind of major financial decision like that would require a talk with the husband and lately we can‘t even manage to make plans for lunch without it turning into a 2 day fight that I’m still reeling from
Your suggestion is good though and deserves research. I’m not sure our mortgage debt qualifies. We did a first time home buyer thing a few years ago and I think there are rules about when we’re allowed to refinance.
Using promotional balance transfer offers I’ve been able to juggle my credit card debt from one card to another to get 0% interest for a set period until I switch to a different promotional offer. There’s a 3% transfer fee but that’s less than even 1 month’s interest charges so it’s worth it. I’m managing to keep it from ballooning, but I just can’t spend a dime extra while I pay it down. (My card debt is all auto repair costs, oil bills, occasionally even grocery costs- no luxury spending- it’s all necessities. I don’t even buy clothes new- my whole wardrobe is thrift store scores.)
you can refinance your mortgage....possibly through the same financial service that would help you with your credit card dept. I had someone do that for me, with the high interest credit card debt...and was offered to pay 10 cents on the dollar to pay off the card. The other re-sold the debt to a low interest lowered payment plan. Just do your homework and you will find a way....
It's so important for you to be in therapy with meds to improve. If money is the primary barrier to these, maybe you can look at getting a home equity line of credit or refinance your home and get some cash out. You must take care of yourself, you deserve to feel better.
Wow we have a lot in common. We are saving to buy a house and I have one step child in high school and one in college who is too lazy to get a job and only works one day a week during the summer!!!! And she expects everything to be handed to her without working for nothing. The step kids are a huge stressor and another in high school. We have so many medical bills and seem to never be able to put enough aside for the house. Plus the child support and I lost my job due to severe anxiety and have no medical insurance to get the right help and I prob still wouldn't be able to afford the copays for continuing care. I decided I hate what I was doing anyway and thought I would go back to school. I had to take out 3 loans to get there and was told it wouldn't affect my credit but it did! I am so nervous my social anxiety and anxiety issues will get the best of me and I will flunk cuz it's happened before once and when I wanted to go to nursing school and my dad said I'd fail anyway which I did. My husband is so emotionally retarded he understands nothing and I feel like I have no connection to him whatsoever and he doesn't get it and it doesn't bother him that we are not close and he doesn't talk to me either. He works 24/7 and is never home and when he is he still doesn't talk to me. I have no friends and no virtually no sane family members to talk too and i feel so lonely. I jus wonder if I set myself up to fail again by going back to school. I am here to talk too if you need too cuz I feel we are a lot alike you and I.
“My husband is so emotionally retarded” got a big laugh of frustrated understanding out of me- it’s Not funny, but it was so real I couldn’t help it.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to make steps for positive change in my life when it requires his cooperation and support and his moods are so unpredictable that I’m triggered sometimes just thinking about discussing important things with him.
As for going back to school, I’m going to quote one of my favorite professors so far: “Education changes lives!!” He used to always tell stories of various pioneering scientists, some of which came from very humble backgrounds, and repeat this mantra. I really believe it too.
I might feel overwhelmed and stressed by the rest of my life, and that might be bleeding into my feelings about my capability for school a little bit- but I AM excited about taking steps to improve my future. I try to ignore the little voice that questions my abilities because I know that’s part of my sickness and I also know that indulging in believing that voice will set me up for failure and the only way to succeed is to TRY. Investing in self improvement is always a good choice.
Maybe as a baby step, set up a meeting with a financial aid officer at a local community college? They’re used to dealing with all kinds of concerns for those that don’t have the budget for bigger schools and they might be able to help you figure out some options specific to you?
To those that were so supportive of me when I was in an anxiety spiral and posted this: thank you!
I’m doing a lot better these days. Money is still stressful (when is it not?) but the pressure is off for now.
I’m in school and Clinicals are SO intense that I made it only two weeks before I had a massive mental breakdown and abruptly quit my 3rd shift job. After 7 weeks of not working, I can say that was 100% the right choice.
My grades are way up, I’m building new relationships with the girls in my program, and my husband and I continue to work on our individual mental health concerns and ourselves as a couple. I’m doing everything I was trying to do before, but without sleep deprivation and less than no time making it harder, I actually feel like it’s all possible.
I actually have time to study and be prepared. I’m not exhausted all the time so I can actually think straight. When my husband is having a bad day because of His anxiety, I’ve been better able to say to myself: “that’s his sickness talking, what is he really trying to say?” A few times we’ve even had really great conversations as a result.
Because I’m not working anymore, I actually qualified for more grant $ that I won’t have to ever pay back. I still have my loans to worry about once school is over, but my earning potential will be nearly doubled at entry level so I feel optimistic. Hubby has been Amazing about my quitting and is shouldering the burden of our mortgage without my help. I’ve done the legwork and applied and qualified for heating & energy assistance since we’re officially low income now. My next step is to see if there is assistance available for food. The lady at the community center told me we are exactly who these programs are meant to help because we are actively trying to better ourselves.
The next couple years are going to be hard, but I’m optimistic that we can and will fight through it.
Hi maggief9812, I may not have been one of the responders 3 months ago but
it's always nice to hear updates with where things are now. Our lives are so intertwined on this site that when others are struggling and then suddenly disappear off the site, it causes concern and worry.
I'm glad that life has somehow worked out some of the kinks and with both you and your husband working together as a team, life hopefully will get easier. Thank you for sharing your journey in the last several months. I'm sure those who did respond will be happy to have heard from you. Continue going forward and never give up. xx
Thank you, Agora. I hope this message finds you feeling well.
I’m rationally aware that none of the problems I was feeling anxious about have gone away- I just feel better equipped to handle them! I’m glad I took something that was not helping me off my plate.
Of course I have. I looked into betterhelp online counseling and they were still too expensive for me to be able to afford. That’s why I joined this community- it’s a free resource and better than nothing. I am currently using credit cards to pay for essentials such as gas and food, while I wait for my first paycheck from a new job to roll in. I have been surviving on credit for months now. I am 2 months past due on my electric bill. My priority is to get some debt paid down before I start adding on additional expenses.
My income is technically too high for state assistance because my husband makes decent money, but his job just barely pays our mortgage and his medical debts. If you have any information on free resources available in R.I., USA, I’d love to hear them!
Hi Maggie, I am sorry life is so tough for you just now.
There is nothing more important than your state of mind. I am going to suggest 2 free or low cost options to consider.
Your mental health can be taken care of if you take advantage of your school's Student Assistance Program, often referred to as SAP.
The SAP is available for all students, free of charge, is confidential and can support you with most issues - including advocacy with the school about you need a few concessions to enable you study with depression/anxiety.
If you can contact a centre that trains psychologists, you might be able to have a few sessions with trainee psychologists under the supervision of a qualified psychologist. These don't have to be in person and could be offered via video conferencing to be more accessible.
Taking care of your sleep needs is also important. Sleep is often one of the symptoms that goes hand in hand with mental health. Talk to a pharmacist about over the counter options to reduce stress and improve sleep quality.
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I have Covid and I’m really struggling
I have no plans and no future!!!
Out of money and suicidal 
some days are easier than others 
why can’t I have good days anymore 
