Internalizing is ruining my self-esteem

[TeawithIroh]

Hello everyone! This is my first question - go easy on me.

I've noticed from raising self awareness that the main method I use to hide and shield myself from getting hurt is to internalize my thoughts and be incredibly harsh on myself. If something doesn't go the way I fully want it to go, it is incredibly difficult to resist relentlessly getting nagged by that inner voice. Things such as;

"You're not enough."

"You're so ugly you are subhuman."

"You can't win."

and more so.

It is incredibly draining, and I want to learn how to stop being so negative to myself. Does anyone have any tips? Also I should mention that the internalizing has sort of flared up recently. Due to the self awareness and trying to better myself, I have become more aware of my problems and insecurities. These negative feelings have flared up with the hope and excitement for the future, leading to a sort of tug of war. Any advice would be appreciated!

[Mrspjsmom]

I do a couple of things that seem to help. When I notice the thoughts creeping in I tell myself "I am enough" some days I probably tell myself that hundreds of times. I also make an I DID list every day. Nothing is too trivial to make it on the list. Even feeding the dog. It's a good way for me to remind myself the things I do even on my worst days matter. Hope that helps.

[TeawithIroh in reply to Mrspjsmom]

thank you, it does! I like the idea of the I DID list, it reminds me of gratitude journalling

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm not an expert so this is simply something I find effective sometimes. Not all the time, just sometimes.

I either question the thought e.g. What exactly am I not good enough at? like talking to someone else.

Or I agree with the thought and ask 'Ok, so I'm sub human, well so what if I am?' Not a crime is it? There's 6 billion humans so can't the world handle just one sub human? (there are probably many).

Not only is it quite amusing but leads to a sense of peace. We spend so much of our lives trying to be something, we create multiple personas (good and bad). When really all we can do is be just as we are in any given moment. Good, bad or ugly it doesn't matter.

[TeawithIroh in reply to Hidden]

That's a good point - often when i talk back to my negative thoughts they don't know much of what else to say, will try to do this more in the future!

[SheWrote]

First of all, look at yourself... truly look. Until you can see yourself and love yourself, the kinds of things you listed will always plague you. I know, I was there for many years. Now, I am in a much better place, and I chose not to let all the thoughts creep in about what I am not. Instead I say the things I am... I am enough, I am loved, I am beautiful... And you know what? so are you! You will get through this... believe in you. HUGS!

[TeawithIroh in reply to SheWrote]

Thank you, it sure is a trial by fire