Extreme trigger warnings

[aubs_1001]

so it’s taken a lot in me to write this post but here it goes. 2 months ago I was diagnosed with extreme PTSD because of severe trauma I experienced. 2 months ago I at 8:15am I got a call from my sisters sons baby sitter saying that she had never dropped him off, and that means she’d never shown up to work. This was unlike her. I have her alarm app and saw that she hadn’t unset the alarm to even let her dog out. I got worried and headed over to her house to check to see if she was okay. When I got there I discovered the bodies of my sister and 4 1/2 month old nephew brutally murdered. I called 911, and tried administering CPR immediately. But there was nothing I could’ve done and it was too late. My sister had been stabbed over 100 times and raped, and my nephew had been stabbed 7 times and set on fire. When I was pulled from their bodies, I left that house with their ashes on me, and I had pieces of my nephew in my hands and all over my body. I will never forget the smell, the sight, the way it felt. That feeling of hopelessness. Sadly, I still feel it. I know this is awful to read, but this is my support system and I’m honestly in need. I turned to drinking hard core but it doesn’t help. I’m honestly keeping my head afloat. I have to remind myself daily that this did happen and it is real. I’m broken.

[Junella]

I want to hug you and protect you from these horrible memories and tell you they will pass. But we know they won’t. But they will fade with time. I lost a sister from suicide when i was 8 and she was 23. It affected my life. Your situation is much worse. I am sure you are getting counsel. You can’t handle it alone If lt were not for my belief in a God who loves me I would have suffered more. Pray by talking to God or Jesus as you would friend. Unfortunately there is an evil influence in the world that causes these things and one day it will end. We will see our loved ones again and the evil memories will vanish. All I can say is that you are loved and I am praying for you

[aubs_1001 in reply to Junella]

I am receiving homicide counseling through court. She is awesome and so attentive. But sometimes you just need to tell someone who isn’t around and doesn’t know

[Dolphin14 in reply to aubs_1001]

I'm so sorry for your losses. Such a horrific experience.

It's the best thing to talk about your trauma. I'm glad you have counseling.

Remember you are grieving and dealing with the trauma. Take care of yourself. Express yourself. Stay in your therapy.

My hope for you is this early intervention will help you.

I held my pain and suffering inside for a long time. Ptsd is very powerful over our minds.

Again, I'm so sorry for your losses.

💕

[aubs_1001 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thankyou. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and hope to never feel the pain I’m experiencing. I’m trying to be more open but it comes off to me as vulnerable and I hate to be vulnerable.

[Dolphin14 in reply to aubs_1001]

Yes, I understand that part for sure.

You have a heavy burden. Vulnerable just means you need assistance. There's nothing wrong with that.

Mayb try and change that one word to something else?

You are delicate right now, emotional, healing, grieving.

Try and let people help you.

[aubs_1001 in reply to Dolphin14]

I am trying, it’s just so hard. People don’t say the right things or what I need to hear. & normally I would understand but after everything it just hurts me and makes me angry. It’s easier to keep it in and to myself rather than express how I’m feeling and get shot down. Most of the people around me don’t really care, so I feel like I’m in a crowded room screaming and no one can hear me

[aubs_1001 in reply to Dolphin14]

Which is why I’m on here, I’m needing support and I don’t want to burden the people around me because they also suffered loss. But they didn’t suffer the trauma that day. They received a phone call, I received the body’s and the pain of not being able to save them

[Dolphin14 in reply to aubs_1001]

Yes, part of my story which I don't share here a lot revolves around a situation of death. I was able to resuscitate this person. However, what stuck with me was the death.. the room the smells the fear, the lack of control. I went onto hide the pain for many years. Then I had another unexpected traumatic death and my whole world blew up.

Stay here and talk. I never could find a support group for PTSD. I've been working on this for a long time.

I agree, no one else knows what you suffered. They have their pain but it's different.

I've done some EMDR and some IFS along with talk therapy. Google those or watch a you tube. This may be helpful.

💕

[aubs_1001 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes exactly. It’s so so hard. & I tried EMDR, and in one of the sessions I had an attack and ended up blacking out for 30 mins and almost harmed my therapist. It was just not helping me at all. So now I see the therapist that was recommended by the court and I love her

[Dolphin14 in reply to aubs_1001]

Wow, EMDR is tough that's for sure.

Well I'm here if you ever need to vent.

I hope peace comes to you soon.

💕

[aubs_1001 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much

[Junella in reply to aubs_1001]

It's so important to find the right therapist and one that understands this sort of thing. I am so glad the courts have such a service. I know she will be of great help. Keep in touch and let us know how you do. We care.

[Mrspjsmom]

I'm so sorry I can't express it in words. All I can offer is my support. I hope you have found a good therapist to help you. Please post whenever you need to. It may not feel like it but somehow you will move forward. HUGS and BLESSINGS!!!

[fauxartist]

I am without words..... I am so terribly sorry this happened to you and your sister and nephew. This is not something you’re going to be able to deal with on your own honey.....this kind of trauma is too mind altering....and as much as I understand drowning these feelings, eventually that will become just another burden to overcome. Now is such a critical time, the grief and shock to is unfathomable....and no one could possibly have answers for you other than our loving support. But please get some help with this....please…

[Hidden]

Oh how my heart goes out to you.....it's amazing the evil people in this world and in the end they do not get away with it...so grateful for that....they will answer one day...

I'd love to run into this evilness and do a thing or 2 for you...

I hope you're getting the help you so desperately need...

I wish for you peace of mind.....hold on tight...never let go....you for sure will be blessed tremendously one day...

I'm more than here for you....pm me anytime you want..I promise I will help you in anyway I can.

Here's some sparkles just for you!

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[DJB74]

Oh my God. This is horrible. I cant even begin to imagine the thoughts you go through daily. What courage it takes to talk about that. Im here if you need to vent or anything