It’s my fault?

[pandaeyes1]

I know my circular brain is being stupid. I’m still struggling with this so hard. I feel like my depression is so stupid. It’s my fault I can’t handle daily life stuff. Why am I so weak? My colleagues are facing much more real issues, and they’re still coping and getting by. I haven’t lost my family members to cancer or to violent crime. I haven’t had to deal with onpiling medical bills. I’m blessed to be in a decent financial situation and have relatively healthy parents. So why am I like this. I can’t stop thinking this is just my fault. I just have to change my perspective people tell me. Look on the bright side. I don’t know why I hate myself so much.

[pandaeyes1]

Sigh. I understand that, but I feel so strongly it’s my faults and my depression is not a real disease whereas people have “real” depression and are actually suffering. My therapist told me that I minimize my own suffering and maximize others difficulties. I didn’t think I did that until I was trying to convince her all the ways I’m worthless. It’s just all so stupid. And doesn’t help that people around me just ... don’t get it. They use the word depression so casually. My colleague said he was having depression again, and I worried about him. I’d check in on him intermittently, and he got annoyed at me. I asked him how he was doing recently, and he told me that he started exercising, and he felt better and wasn’t depressed anymore. I feel like an asshole invalidating his depression, but I feel these experiences make me feel like I’m not really actually depressed. I’m just a failure, and people around me give me advice I can’t follow. Even though they tell me they understand because they’ve had depression. Sorry I’m being stupid and rambling

[Lynl]

First,,,,Stop beating yourself up,. Just because people you know seem to handle worse situations in their lives, does not make you weak or stupid , or mean that your situation isn’t important, we all prodded snd handle it differently. Some people hide their true inner feelings and that is not good to keep it all inside, you are doing good by sharing and getting help and that makes you strong just for doing that. You are on the right path😊🙏😊

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Lynl]

I know i shouldn’t compare. It’s so hard forgiving myself for being like this. I just feel like I’m making excuses even though I know it makes no sense.

[Lynl in reply to pandaeyes1]

We all do it, and overthink things, and as hard as it is to do, we have to try and look ahead and if we feel we need forgiveness we can just say I’m sorry or pray about it if it’s something you do. Keep your head up and try to do something nice for yourself every day, you deserve it weather you believe it or not

[pandaeyes1]

Thank you for the kind words. It’s been very helpful to have support here. Sometimes I feel like I just need someone to cuddle me while I lose my mind and cry terribly.