Burden

[Sunshiningonme]

How do you all manage to not feel or be a burden on your friends or family? What we deal with is bigger than what most people who don’t suffer from it are equipped to deal with. Any advice for trying to tread that line in relationships?

[kenster1]

hi none of us are burdens on anyone yeah other people have roblems family friends like you mention but if they don't know whats wrong then they cant help you vice versa talking really will help its the best way to deal with your issues.

[Sunshiningonme in reply to kenster1]

Thanks sometimes it just feels that way especially when people don’t really know what to say or refer you back to your therapist

[kenster1 in reply to Sunshiningonme]

even if you cant find the words write down exactly how you feel and give it to the friend or family member you feel would support you best.

[Hidden]

Hi Sunshiningonme

I know that feeling when you feel you are a burden to those around you but over the years I have accepted they won't know how I feel or understand because they do not suffer and if I did not suffer with MH then I would not understand

But what I say to them is I don't expect you to understand me or how I feel but accept this is real for me and is how I am and if you will just listen and show me you care it will help so much and to be honest I think that is all we can ask them to try and do for us

But we have each other on these Communities where we can get that understanding as we are all suffering and know how it feels

I don't think your loved one's think you are a burden , when we are low we can feel we are , I think sometimes they are frightened and frustrated because they just don't know how to help us

I bet you are very much loved

Take Care x

[Sunshiningonme in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words

[Hidden in reply to Sunshiningonme]

I hope you are feeling a little better today x

[Jeff1943]

We are all burdens to our family and friends, the one to the other, and this is what friends and family are for.

Many of us may hide the fact that we have anxiety disorder or depression from family, my parents went to their graves not knowing what I was dealing with, I didn't want them to worry. I never told friends or work colleagues either as I thought it would show weakness. That was my choice, not necessarily the right one.

Today I would say that I missed out on the help and assistance they would have brought, could have brought. At least you find out who your friends are.

So don't do as I did, you've every right to burden friends and family with how you feel, stop being too kind to them. But do talk to them about other things or you can wear patience thin.

As always Claire Weeks comes to the rescue, chapter 25 of her 'Self help for your nerves' (also known as 'Hope and help for your nerves') is titled 'Advice to family' so you can always let her do the explaining.

[Sunshiningonme in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you for the kind words and I will def check out that book too

[Naturegirl94]

I’m a firm believer of differentiation, that relationships should be separate but connected. People can support us but it isn’t anyone’s job to help us or make us feel better. I think we all have personal themes that follow us throughout our lives which we’ve internalized. It’s our job to deconstruct these narratives that say things like “I’m not enough”, “I’m a burden”, “I’m not important” etc. If you ever get a chance to read the book “the gift of imperfection” it is amazing. I hope this help and I hope you know that you are not a burden and you are worthy

[Sunshiningonme in reply to Naturegirl94]

Thank you for your kind words I love brene brown so I will def check that book out

[Want2BHappy3]

Yes, I just pretend everything's Fine, my own kids have isolated me, when we are out with each other, I'm told how to behave. Looks like I will be spending Thanksgiving alone. I was invited to my daughter's boyfriend family lat year looks like not this year? Yea, because family and friends don't know how to deal with us, it's easier ignore us. So I fine it's best to be quite and don't talk about what's bothering me