Not feeling good enough

[UglyDuckling546]

Everytime I think I'm making progress I have a really bad day and feel like I'm back to square one, I feel so alone and like I'm not good enough, all I want is to be happy, it's affecting my child, my marriage and I feel like I'm just watching everything fall apart and I'm helpless to stop it I was told today that this is all in my head and i need to snap out of it

[Eshepard]

Hi, I’m younger than you but I can talk from my experience with feeling like “ taking down” the family. Trust yourself, it kinda is all in your head, but that’s what makes it real. You feelings and fears matters. Your step backs dont mean that you’re back from where you were, they’re part of the process and day after day you’ll feel more strong believe me. I think the most important thing is having hope, try to remain hopeful. Best wishes ❤️

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to Eshepard]

Thank you for reaching out yes definitely I'm going to keep going just take each day as it comes, it just hurts when someone tells you to snap out of it, if I could I would have by now Just make me feel sad and alone

[Paints123]

Hi, I can certainly relate to what you are feeling. I thought I was making good progress and was even hopeful tings would be better but then there was 1 event that set me back and I got so down on myself that I felt I was going back to almost square 1. With my therapist we were able to find a bunch of things that showed I was in fact still better off than in the beginning and while I may have had a bit of a setback I was able to see that I would get through it and continue with my progress. It's so hard that progress is not linear and that there are always these lapses and little setbacks. While it may not feel like progress during these try your best to find those little things that show there is progress. You go this!

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to Paints123]

Yes definitely I won't give up I just wish people around me understood and gave me the love and support I need to get better, when someone is constantly putting you down it's hard

[Franklin68 in reply to UglyDuckling546]

I get you on the lack of support.

Ignorance to mental health is no excuse to treat anyone that way.

Protect yourself

I had to leave some of my family.

Not only was I suffering the with my horrible symptoms, but I also had a daughter-in-law with a severe manipulation problem that went after my life for 18 years before I found medical help.

The double whammy

I pray that your support people get it soon

Best

We are here 24/7

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to Franklin68]

Exactly that, if I had a physical illness no one would tell me to snap out of it, I do sometimes feel like distancing myself I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, it sounds horrible, same always here feel free to reach out

[bluedooors in reply to UglyDuckling546]

I understand Ugly Duckling. I have the same fallings of some of the statements you made. And hope we get through this in a timely fashion.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to bluedooors]

Yes I hope so too, I wish you all the best in your journey

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

The more dreams and the more I try, seem to come back to square one for me. Pushing through and just practice the skills and keep going till you make it. You want to socialize more start abit at the park or shops and make small talk and eventually you will feel like talking more and get the courage to ask to be friends. It start small and develops from there. I say force yourself out of your comfort zone and keep trying and you will be the person you want to be

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

Thank you, yes I do need to come out of my comfort zone, I hardly go out amd only have a small circle of friends who I don't see very much.

[GinkgoLeaf]

Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had two “dips” in my mental health journey and they both really knocked me over. I’m not an expert, but it was really good for me to be self compassionate and feel those feelings - telling yourself this is hard, taking your feelings seriously, and asking for help. I’m also a parent and it’s really hard to do this since kids need so much help. Journaling or calling a mental health hotline helped me a lot too. It forced me to be specific about what I was feeling and often it helped me process. Last thing - my therapist recommended not calling these episodes “dips” or “setbacks”. The path towards mental peace is really hard. You are working through these feelings and processing them. It’s hard, but it helped me to see this as a challenging episode as I moved forward, not necessarily going backward. Best of luck - you are not alone. We all struggle.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to GinkgoLeaf]

Thank you for reaching out it helps to know I'm not the only one, I just feel like I'm failing my son sometimes I am looking at changing my therapist and will look into mental health holiness as I belive just talking it out will help a lot

Best of luck to you aswell

[GinkgoLeaf in reply to UglyDuckling546]

I have the same feelings. You are working through your mental health challenges. Many parents don’t do this. My parents never worked on their anxiety/depression and it came out in unhealthy behaviors, like anger and abuse. Being vulnerable is a strength, and models positive behavior to our children. But it’s hard. I’m rooting for you.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to GinkgoLeaf]

Thank you that means a lot, my parents were the same growing up I haven't really talked about what happened.I just want to make sure my child doesn't go through the same as I did

Please reach out if you ever want to talk

[Agora1]

Hi dear, we're never really back to square one. Each bad day or dip in our

process is yet another learning experience. Remember you are stronger

than Anxiety. Snap out of it is not an option. Wishing for a magic pill is neither.

It is true that it is all in our head. However, the MInd/Body Connection is

inevitable. They work together for good or bad. Our job is to get rid of our

old habits and make new ones.

We must learn to not allow others to try and make us into what they feel

is strength and normality.

What we need is within each one of us. You are not alone, we are here behind

each step you take forward. You are good enough. Never put yourself down.

Happiness is being ourselves. Loving ourselves. xx

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, you are right I guess the first step I have to take is learning to love myself

[Lifesearching]

Wow I literally thought I was the only one going thru this💙🥺I’m the late bloomer among my friend group. I went through a period of time where each time I would hit a high, someone would trigger me back into acting life my old self (negative, easily angered). It often got me into a mentality where I literally thought I was cursed. I bet you are doing the best you can with what you have. Perfection is not possible and if someone expects you to be, they are the ones who have serious issues💙💙you deserve to be happy

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to Lifesearching]

No you're not the only one, thank you for reaching out it means a lot, that's how I feel too like someone has put a curse on me, I just want to be happy on the surface it looks like I have everything but the anxiety is taking over

[Lifesearching in reply to UglyDuckling546]

oh dang, that’s a tough feeling having to make every look fine on the surface🖤you do not have to be perfect to be happy! And what is perfect anyways! I bet u r doing so much better than u give urself credit for🖤walks outside always help me if I’m getting anxiety🙏🏽

[CrowBoy]

Only someone who doesn’t know anything about depression would think you could just “snap out of it”. And progress toward health, in my experience, always has setbacks. It’s discouraging! I have to tell myself it’s okay to be where I am, and try to avoid the “shoulds”. It’s hard to change negative thinking, though, especially when it’s a habit. It is with me. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate the good things you can find. There’s always something to be grateful for. And know you are not alone in your struggle.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to CrowBoy]

Yes I feel the same, it's hard to change especially when people around you don't show you any love and supportThank you for reaching out

[InvisibleGal]

Dear Swan

I feel for you, the talking down and "get a grip on youself" makes it so much worse! Do you have someone, a friend, therapist or somebody in a self help group, who can relate? Because simply, you loved ones won't get it, for someone not knowing what depression is, it's difficult. The just see you a bit better and feel relieved that life goes on, and maybe that tiny bit of relief and less attention might even make you feel worse the day after. The other bit is just accepting these feelings coming in waves, but days come and go, and that is allright too. Don't loose hope, go for the tiny steps and take good care of yourself!

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to InvisibleGal]

Yes that is very true I try and appear fine on the outside because I know that every time I talk about it it causes problems in my relationships but I'm slowly dying on the inside, I guess I need to think hard about what I need to do next

[InvisibleGal in reply to UglyDuckling546]

I think, it's important to find someone to connect to, to feel understood - otherwise this illness makes you really feel very lonely. I blame our upbeat society that does not allow pangs of sadness and despair, too, which makes it worse. I started to state my needs more directly, like "When you say snap out of it, this makes me really feel bad, because right now I can't. Better give me a big hug and say, I'm here for you" and such. My loved ones and me also got codes (green, yellow, red), so on a red day thy try to be more nurturing - the communication is hard to nail though. I know it's tough on them, they want me to feel ok and they hurt when I'm not. It's really a fine balance - about what and when to show - and what not.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to InvisibleGal]

That's amazing that you have codes I have tried talking to my family but they just get angry at me and don't get itEverything feels like it's falling apart

[InvisibleGal in reply to UglyDuckling546]

Gee, I fear this must really make you spiral down, no? Maybe the whole family communication needs an update, like a systemic approach in family therapy. Or you try to stop your expectations, aca Byron Katis "The Works". Try not to take things personally and take care of yourself. Say a friendly NO to hurtfull comments though - all the best, we are with you!

[punkinkitty]

Dear Beautiful Swan,"Snap out if it" is something someone who knows nothing about depression says. How sad. For me, negative self talk is a killer. If you were talking to your best friend and they were having your issues, what would you say to them? You would be encouraging, you would tell them not to beat themselves up over a set back, etc. THAT is what YOU should be telling yourself. BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to punkinkitty]

I know that I feel so sad that that's what he said to me, I feel lost and don't know what to doAll I know is that I need to feel lived again and that starts eith learning to love myself

[punkinkitty in reply to UglyDuckling546]

Yes! Love yourself! You have to be your best friend. It is so hard for me to do, such a challenge.

[UglyDuckling546 in reply to punkinkitty]

Yes for me too 🙂