Not sure what to make of it...

[InquisitiveMind427]

So for months I’ve struggled in my life. I had a job I hated for years, wasn’t sure how I’d afford to live on my own, the separation from my ex wasn’t going as well as I had hoped and I still lived with her cruel mother....

Then two months ago I took a risk and accepted a contractor position with GM.... it paid better than I’ve ever been paid before, had a set first shift schedule and I’d get to see my kids more. It felt like the only thing in my life that was going right...

I just lost that job....

I was called about two hours ago and told that in addition to the plants GM announced they were closing they were laying off contractors pretty much everywhere... I don’t believe I’ve been there long enough to get unemployment and it took me years to find that job...

I don’t know what to do or how I’ll make it. My kids will be fine because my ex is a nurse now so she should make enough to cover my losses even if it means I’m stuck with her longer...

I’m trying to tell myself it’s ok. That maybe all this bullshit with me moving out getting pushed farther and farther back happened for a reason. How much worse would it have been if I moved into an apartment two weeks ago like I had hoped to for so long only to lose my job now? Maybe something better is around the corner...

The problem is that while part of me clings to that hope, most of me doesn’t believe it. I’m too practical and don’t believe things happen for a reason. Not really anyway. Yes it seems like a bit too much of a coincidence but in reality it probably is just that.

I’ll be fine.... I think... I’m taking the afternoon to be with my kids and have a few options of things to do tonight. Drinking will almost certainly be involved. I’ll start looking for jobs again tomorrow or Monday and hopefully I find something acceptable fast enough. I don’t want to rush into something but I don’t want to be stuck with my ex forever either.

I hope everyone is doing well. My sudden increase in free time may mean I start reading and commenting on posts more. I’ll let people know I guess. Have a great weekend everyone

[Hidden]

Something much better might be around the corner, im a believer of things happen for a reason and the storm can't last forever

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. My concern though is less that the storm can’t last forever than I can’t. I’ve been so miserable for so many years. I regained some hope when I separated from my wife but since then nothing has worked out like I wanted and I’m worried I’m going to end up there again. Utterly miserable and closer to killing myself every day. I really don’t believe I can keep going forever if nothing changes sometime soon.

[Eowyn7]

That's a huge bummer but I'm glad you're looking at the positives. I really hope you find a new job soon. My husband lost his job this summer but he found one that was better as a result. Anything is possible. Hang in there!

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Eowyn7]

Thank you. I’m not feeling hopeful though. Most of the big name companies in my area I’ve applied for repeatedly over the years with no luck. I’m trying to focus on how it’s good that it happened now instead of when it would have ruined me but it’s hard. I’ll try to continue to hang in there but my ex mother-in-law sat in the same room as me maybe three days ago and talked about how terrible it was that all those people were losing their jobs and then was beyond awful to me today after she learned I still planned to take my daughter to a movie like I had planned. My daughter started crying after she saw me this morning and I just wanted her to know things would be ok.... I just don’t need this shit right now....

[Hidden]

Hey stranger, I just now seen this. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Ironically, so am I. I hope you’re okay. Thinking of you. <3

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Hidden]

The k you. I’ve been wondering a lot how you’ve been doing. I think I’ll be ok but it’s been hard to stay positive today at least. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I’m still here if you ever need to talk.

[Hidden in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

You’ve been through a lot. It saddens me to see that you’re still not where you’re wanting to be. I want you to know I think of you all the time. I’ve been dealing with a lot on my end & this site makes me really anxious because I’ve had a lot of bad drama happen. I am really suffering tonight & old habits die hard, ya know? I used to come here all the time to vent & now I am venting again. I’m always here for you too. Please don’t get in that dark mindset about suicide again. You’re a terrific man & an incredible dad. You gotta be strong for your children. You can do this. I know you can because I know you. <3

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had such bad drama lately. I’m here if you need to tlak

[Tikirob]

It will work out.

[Boeta]

As simple as giving a new interpretation to your situation will ease your mind, but yes i am not in your situation and yes I've found myself in moments of despair and even darkness and cannot place myself in your place...losing your job can be sobering, it is true, but it is also true that you need not be so hard on yourself...yeh, let them say when they say it...it is clear that your inlaw/mother and ex-wife is buggering you and giving you a hard time, but really, start asking the right (??) questions, never mind the answers, for you will find that you also contributed to the situation...believe me I am doing it all the time...one answer that comes up is that I am being rude, another one selfishness,me-me-me first...hell, i must admit, I am creating it....you life is not bull#@**&&^, and you are in charge of it....in the end it will come right....believe me, i've also contemplated suicide, but i think of my family and how they will carry this about their father throughout their life....i cannot imagine that somewhere in the future they'ed refer to me as their Dad who committed suicide...hell brother, no! GM is a sad story, but you are not the only one...this is all about politics and you are not to blame, in fact, U R Great...but tell yourself as i've been doing all the time: I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN PEACE....and see it as true...

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Boeta]

It is probably the lack of focus I find myself experiencing but I’ve been having trouble deciding how to respond to your post. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself and I do appreciate your support and concern.... I also probably shouldn’t respond when I’m clearly as upset as I am...

But I’ve never claimed to be perfect and I know that my ex has taken advantage of her mother in several ways but none of it was my doing. Nothing I have ever done is good enough for her mother because nothing ever will be. I have always tried my best to be polite and respectful. I’ve always tried to help out around the house and frequently go out of my way to do more and complete special projects and maintenance without complaining. Yeah things were hard and I liked to play video games for an hour or two here and there through the week so I can relax, but if you listen to her talk I am the laziest, most selfish sack of crap to ever have the audacity to exist on this planet (except of course for all the African Americans and Hispanics who have the nerve to you know... be alive...)

This is a woman who literally just yelled at the two of us for 30 minutes while I was putting our special needs son to bed, feeding him the last time for the day and giving him his medicine because how dare I allow my daughter to see me cry yesterday? How could I be so stupid as to drive my children to the park this afternoon? How f-ing senseless is it that I wanted waste gas just go out and see a friend for a couple of hours tonight after doing so?

I’m not going out anymore. I’m sitting in the same basement I’ve spent countless hours over the years trying to remind myself why I can’t kill myself.... trying to remind myself of why I can’t kill myself... all because she uses our children against us. Do what I say or I won’t put your daughter on the bus anymore. Do what I say or find yourself and your kids homeless...

We’re both moving out. My ex needed to finish nursing school to survive on her own... it’s why I didn’t move out back in May or June. I wanted my ex to be able to move out as well. Paying more for childcare or not, I don’t want my daughter around such a nasty, racist woman any longer than necessary. Also we both needed to save money for a month or so once she started her job because we lived paycheck to paycheck for the last ten years. Things kept getting pushed back so we planned to move in January so our daughter wouldn’t have to go through the final splitting up right before Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, we owe her mother a lot we can never repay from her help with the kids over the years but what kind of person uses their grandchildren as a weapon against their daughter (and by extension me)? Now that I’ve lost such a great paying job and can’t expect to find a suitable replacement right away....

I’m sorry I just don’t understand how anyone could be expected to find peace in my situation....

[Hidden in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

Hey friend, I am so sorry. <3 I’m here for you. You know you can message me anytime. Thank you for being there for me last night. xoxo

[InquisitiveMind427 in reply to Hidden]

I know you are and I’ve calmed down some. I’ve also been drinking a bit and talking to that friend as well. Thank you though! I hope you had a great rest of the day since we spoke last!

[Hidden in reply to InquisitiveMind427]

I hope you’re having a good night with your friend! You deserve it. Just don’t think about any of this tonight & let loose. You’re a good father & I am really proud to know you. You’re a good man. It’s all gonna work out for the best! Xoxoxo

[Quest4peace]

wishing you peace and comfort. I’m recently unemployed too and know what you’re going through.