Losing the Will to Live

[puppypancakes3]

I feel like I just can't take it anymore. I'm seriously losing the will to live. I am in the midst of a major depressive episode and I just feel like it is never going to end. My mood is at an all time low, so much so that I'm afraid I will never get better. I know I've had these episodes before, and I always improve with time, but then I remember that the thoughts never really stop, they just kinda slow down. I want it all to stop. I don't ever want to feel like this again, and I feel like these episodes are just getting progressively worse since my last time in treatment. I came into college feeling okay with my mental health. I had gone through an intensive inpatient and outpatient program and had gained back some of my motivation. I finally felt like things were getting better. Then things just got progressively worse. Does this mean it's time to go back to treatment? I have two more terms of college left to go. I have less than six months left. I'm so close, yet it seems impossible. What and I supposed to do? I don't want to do this anymore.

[Tikirob]

Hey Hi! Was glad to see your post I am so upset myself right now! So I may not be so good at easing your feelings, but I understand how you feel cause I am so frustrated with my condition and it’s so aggravating to keep up. I just can’t keep up with the normal world and all I want is one normal person I do not pay money to come up and put their arm on my back and say I heard you are having a tough time let me help. I do have a couple of family members that are helpful but no one that lives within an hours drive of me.

I am not depressed just fed up! Do you ever get frustrated with life or is it strictly depression. The one thing that I will tell you is that depression gives you a free pass to take healthy risks. Meaning - you are not feeling life as it is and feel low in spirit and lethargic, so you have nothing to lose by going to lose by taking a chance asking someone out, or singing in public, or taking a trip, I find that depression often leads to some really great ideas too and suicide is not one of them. Life is mentally painful but there is comedy, there is thrills, there is companionship (which I wish I had), and there is entertainment.

[Arc8]

Every episode always seems like it worse then the last. My current one seems that way too but this time its triggered by something all together different. Its always a drag feeling like here we go again with therapy and medication. But honestly you got to always remember that day by day you'll slowly climb up. There will still be down days but best thing is to focus on the small things you can control. Depression is a battle but its beatable, even if it tries to come back for another round of getting its butt kicked.

[NorwegianWood]

Getting help is always a good idea. It is a sign of determination to look after yourself. I wormholed into this group from NHS's Couch to 5 K programme and am in the second week of a 9 week course to get to 30 mins non-stop running. Exercise is one way to beat the blues as it's been shown to take around 6-8 weeks to achieve the same effect as some meds for depression. However, as it may not solve the problem, keep getting help and keep talking to trusted people.

[sarahmcf]

Acknowledging where you are headed is a great first step to knowing you don’t really want to stop living. Potentially seek out treatment again. School and the world can wait. You and your mental health cannot. 🖤

[puppypancakes3]

That's why I picked that name. As a kid, I'd make pancakes every weekend with my mom, and it would be one of the highlights of my week. I haven't done that since grade school. I don't think I've even eaten pancakes since then. But they always remind me of my childhood and happy times spent with the family and my pup, when everything seemed to be okay. Everything seemed so fine and innocent back then. Now it seems like everywhere I turn there is negativity and distress. Nothing is the same.

[basten]

Hang on in there. You don't say if you are on medication. If you are after your inpatient stay you could be on the wrong meds. You will get better. You will get through this. Seek help if the meds aren't agreeing with you but it's also about dealing with the stresses of life too. I wish you love, and happiness which will be yours again

[growinrace]

I am glad you are here sharing your emotions. I think that when we go through the pressing, new and great things follow.. for instance, your semester is almost over and what is great, you will be graduating soon! it is a bit challenging being a young adult with major responsibilities. These challenges shape and mature us, some do come at us pounding us hard but the growth within us is amazing! is there a counseling/support group in campus? if not, wouldn't it be a great idea to start one?