So many things, feel like I will never get better...

[heatherwilson9285]

Hi so I'm new here, and I have anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and now am somewhat getting agoraphobia. Pretty much have lived with anxiety my whole life, I'm 32 but it continually got worse with each baby I have had. My youngest is now 2.5 and it's getting worse not better, I'm on 40 mg of Prozac, .5 Xanax as needed which seems to be everyday now, 100 mg Wellbutrin and nothing seems to be working.... I literally feel like I can't do anything anymore. I see a therapist every now and again, but it just is so hard to even go see him, I'm literally too scared to leave my house unless it's with my husband. But even now it's just getting harder, which it's hard on our marriage, hard to be the mother I want to be, just plain hard. I'm literally crying my eyes out as I'm typing this... I was wondering if anyone out there feels like they suffer from multiple problems like me. I feel exhausted all the time now, I try and exercise and eat a pretty healthy diet, and take my meds properly but nothing seems to be working, I honestly have never felt as bad as I do right now.... I should mention I have been on paxil in the past and also Lexapro. Was on Paxil for 10 years.... weaned myself off went straight to Lexapro and it did nothing. If anyone out there has any advice at all please bring it my way. Thank you

[Rick1on1]

Hi,

That's tough. I am almost at a loss here but I think what you need to focus on is spending more time doing the things that brings you joy.

The additional stress of having children is only going to worse as they become older and more needy. Are you planning on having more?

[heatherwilson9285 in reply to Rick1on1]

No I'm done having children, with whom I love with all of my heart, it's hard to feel this way and feel like you are enough for them.

[Rick1on1 in reply to heatherwilson9285]

Having children in your life offers one of life simplest and truest joys.

If you can focus on providing the basics and spending time being the mother you want to be; then it should start making you more confident. Start with a small amount of time and increase it gradually.

I have to ask though; what you mean by "being the mother you want to be"?

[Agora1]

Hi heatherwilson9285, I went through the same thing after getting my 2 y.o. foster child. I was on multiple medications then as well for anxiety. It's only now when I look back, I see that my anxiety took a turn for the worse knowing that I was responsible for a little one. Like the commercials say "moms can't take a day off". The "what ifs" flooded my mind. The medications no longer worked. I was scared silly.

I was afraid to take her for a walk in the stroller, I was afraid what if I got sick. As we know fear begets fear and so I was never without being fearful. Didn't know at the time but the meds not working were just feeding into my anxiety issues. I became Agoraphobic for 5 years. It was a nightmare.

While being stuck and not being able to move forward, I started (under doctor's care) weaning off my benzos. (30 years on Xanax and then Ativan) For me, that was the answer, I was being over medicated and it was working againist me plus the fact of having the responsibility of being a full time mother just fed into the feelings.

I knew it wasn't a physical issue because I hadn't given birth to her but totally a psychological program causing anxiety to go out of control. Just a thought from my experience. I would certainly step up the therapy to help you through what is really going on. My best heather xx

[Windy101]

I'm no doctor, but when was on Wellbutrin, my anxiety was sky high. It's a very stimulating drug.

[SimplyMe87]

I’m in the same boat as you. After having my last child, my anxiety has been sky high and I began abusing benzos. I didn’t look at it as abuse but now that I’m off of them, I see a lot of dumb mistakes I made by just not caring b/c of the meds. I was numb and not my self. Now that I’m back dealing with reality, I see how hard it really is to deal with what life throws at you. I’m still looking for answers myself.