Losing my sense of direction

[Gizzmo9732]

Where to start...I'm 25, I am a single parent of 2 beautiful girls. I left there father almost a year ago. I met someone a few weeks later. He swept me off my feet. I gave him my everything. He loved me but he loved his needle more. So he left me broken down. I have had depression and ptsd for years now. I am strong and I fight this everyday without meds. It's been three months since he left. I am getting back on my feet with a job and saving for my own place again. I had to move in with my sis, sad isnt it... so the darkness is going deep. It feels like my grave is getting deeper and i cant pull myself out. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I have no one to understand whats going on. I barely see my girls anymore. They are the only thing that brings me out of my dark world I hide in. I have to stay strong for them. But the claws are scratching at the back of my skull. My depression is getting worse and I can't talk to family. All they see in me is my last breakdown, hoping to see what gizzmo does next.. It's sad isn't it... I go to a website hoping to be able to talk to someone... to someone that can understand what I am going through... I am getting tired and fed up I don't know how much more I can take...

[Kobojunkie]

since you are obviously unable to handle it all by yourself, why not get meds to help you get your life and focus back? Why choose to continue suffering needlessly?

[BonnieSue]

Hi Gizzmo,

I don't think it strange to be trying to find somebody who can understand what you're going through. Depression tends to isolate you and yet you want to be around people who understand you. I've been very very depressed but not for a long time. I had a bad patch a few months ago that reminded me what I hate about depression. And I really HATE it.

I was only switching antidepressants because of the cost but it sure was getting to me and making me miserable to make the switch. I didn't want to get up I wanted to sleep the day away. I would get up but I didn't want to do any of my jobs. Nothing appealed to me. Everything looked too big. Took too long. Was too much trouble. Sound familiar?

You need help fast. Have you seen your doctor? Asked for an antidepressant? Are you on one now? How about a counselor? You need this one as much as you need the antidepressant. Really!! A pill alone isn't the whole problem! You need help coping with how crummy you feel and how to handle your whole life while you feel so crummy.

Please make the phone calls to get yourself taken care of now. Or asap if it's nighttime. I don't know where you are right now or what time zone. Do you have a doctor and a counselor? If not I can tell you a way to check some out. I'd like to hear back from you about this. Please take care of you! There's only one of you.

[Gizzmo9732 in reply to BonnieSue]

I haven't seen or been on mess since I got pregnant that was about 3 years ago. Its not that I am trying to make myself suffer or anything like that. I don't like asking for help. I have a pride issue. It took me about 2 months to finally post something. I just hate using drugs. Everything I have tried hasn't worked. I can't sit on the couch, comatosed. I have my girls to take care of it only me doing it I have no one to take care of them for me. Therapy... it's 2 in the morning now. I wake up every night. I really appreciate your words. Thank you and I will try to get some help.

[BonnieSue in reply to Gizzmo9732]

I so understand having the kids to take are of. I had 3 young ones when I 1st got sick. I did have family that took them but I needed to get back on my feet asap. That's why I took the drugs but also because I was so deadly sick I couldn't function. I had to get functional fast and so it was drugs or nothing. I had no problem with whatever it took to be functional and there was no loss of pride for me. As soon as I was able I had my kids back and taking care of them and my husband. All 4 are hyperactive so it's a huge job. I still think it took about 2 months or maybe more. I wish you well.

[downNout22]

It will take time to find the right medication for you, every one of us has different chemistry and needs. PLEASE, be PATIENT and try the medication. I currently switched insurances which require prior authorizations for my medications, so in an attempt to "ration" my pills I ended up withdrawing and ruining my life in the process. Or maybe the fall out was meant to happen. However, I am no at a point where I can't function because of my depression. It took a while to find the correct combination of medications for me, being bipolar with anxiety.