I held the bottle of pills

[Lunazay]

i held the bottle of pills today but then I put it down.I dont now what to do. things are getting worse.

[kenster1]

hi so sorry to hear your having a tough time.you really did the right thing in putting the bottle down.please talk phone a family member or a friend speak to the Samaritans as well you have us on here but please dont be afraid to talk.

[Starrlight]

I hear you. Things are really bad, huh? Things can turn around. Wait for it. And know you can let it all out here.

[shea-metz]

How are you doing now? Do you want to talk?

[Lunazay in reply to shea-metz]

The same

[BrownEyesBlue]

The main thing is you put it down.

I’ve done that. A few times. I actually fell asleep one night clutching a bottle of pills; my pillow soaked with my tears and just giving up.

Scream; cry; let it out. Know you have people here who hear you and don’t want you to do something to yourself. I hope you have someone in your life that you can talk too. I know when I told my brother that it was getting worse he helped me a lot.

You DESERVE to live and to be happy. You put the bottle down; that’s one step. I’m here for you ♥️

[Hidden in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

My heart. The hurt you've felt and you having overcome the moment with patience. And sharing your loving and caring for someone else. That just makes me feel so loving. I can't even find the right words. I appreciate you. You are so special. ♡

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! You’re special too 💗

[Llab]

Hi Lunazay, hope you are feeling a little better now. You have posted here which is a good step. It shows you are resisting the pull of isolation. Do you have anyone to support you? It's urgent that you do. Don't try handling this on your own - you can't anyway. Your situation is very serious, you may need hospitalization. Please post an update, we are waiting to hear from you.

[Tbine]

Hello Lunazay,. I was where you are right now, i held a bottle of pills in my hand and prayed that i could make it through the next 30 minutes, and then the next, and on and on. I hope that you reply to this message and i will tell you how i made it through my deep depression. Believe me. If i could do it, ANYONE Can . please reply back..

[Lunazay in reply to Tbine]

I would like to hear🌼

[Tbine in reply to Lunazay]

Hello again Lunazay. I had gone through a very deep depression in my life in the early 90's when there were no smartphones or google. I was in my young 20's at the time and still living at my moms house. Because of the verbal and physical abuse i suffered from my alcoholic father when i was growing up, and a history of emotional/ mental illness on my mom's side of the family made life for me pure hell as a teenager and young adult. I became a prisoner in my own home as a agoraphobic and that led me down a very dark place. I used to compare it to falling into a deep dark well, that nobody knew i was in, i could see the light at the very top of the well, and every time i tried to climb up to get out,. I slipped back down. (Continued...

[Tbine]

Anyways,. I would lock myself in my room, and crawl under my blankets and try desperately to sleep. I had thoughts, scenarios that played in my head clearly like a short video, of me being carried out of my moms house zipped up in a black body bag. During my very long days, with no television or radio, i prayed many times as i looked out my window to the sky. I had a full bottle of prescription pills in my drawer that i would grab and would contemplate suicide, then that small video would play in my mind. I would put them back in my drawer. I would say to myself "I'm going to break my long days into 30 minutes at a time ! If i made it that long, i waited another 30 minutes. And on and on until eventually i would fall asleep. Eventually, i started to think " if i kill myself, nobody's going to care, maybe a few days of mourning, then they would forget about me" (they, meaning my family)... I started thinking, " they are not worth me taking my life!" I started to slowly empower myself, i stopped taking my antidepressant medication and i started writing positive sayings down on a notepad that i would read to myself every day. Until i felt strong enough to pull myself up and out of the dark well. With no help from anyone. I could of easily died in my room. But instead, i used my anger at the "idea" that no one was COMING TO SAVE ME. That fact was enough to TRY to save myself. It gave me fuel for the fight for my life, a fight, that had just begun....

[Lunazay in reply to Tbine]

Seems like you went through alot and you've gotten better. Depression also runs in my family and I guess it's my turn now. This world just seems so unfair. You used your sadness and anger and turned it something that helped you and that's good. Did you have anyone else that helped you other than your parents or was it all yourself helping to get through? The good thing is that you are okay now. Best wishes😊🌼🍀🌅

[Tbine]

Hello Lunazay, i had been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist at the time. As you might know already, there's only so much they can do. They tried suggesting things that someone who is in a deep depression does not have any desire to do. And it was just my mother who's suggestions were for somebody who had some motivation, or energy. Other than that,. Everyone else was wrapped up in their own BS to take time, or have time to help me. So to answer your question, yes i had to do it alone. My purpose of telling my story here, was in hopes of helping you with your depression, but i don't know where you are with yours? And that's ok if you don't feel comfortable saying it. I'm extremely proud of what I've overcome and know firsthand about many disorders because i had many that i overcame, so IF by sharing my stories with others here might possibly help someone, then great, if not, then i know that at least i tried.

[Lunazay in reply to Tbine]

Thank you

[Ajrtran]

I am so glad you put the bottle down! I have been there and didn't put the bottle down. Fortunately, the pills I took made me sick and when I vomited, the pills came back up too. It was then that I realized that I needed to get on meds and get into therapy. I still have bad days and on one of my bad days, realized I needed to be hospitalized to help me not take pills again, but I am so much better now and have more coping skills than I had before. One of my coping skills is journaling. When I am having a bad day though, I will put in that I am having a bad day but will write down all of the things that are good in my life. It helps me to see that although I am feeling bad, I have so many more good things in my life and it helps me focus on the positives.

[Hidden]

I once did something similar and I ended up throwing away all the pills into the trash. It was the right decision to get rid of the temptation. Other things might tempt you though so keep letting that caring and fighting part of you win! You are in a battle and when it comes to light, light always defeats darkness, so always trust the light. The light is goodness, love, life, peace, compassion, hope, right. The darkness is confusion, wrong, hateful, misery, hopelessness, death, negativity. Don't worry if you feel hopeless or painful or angry or defeated. That's because everything is okay. God's got this. Nature has this. You've got this because you have help. My heart goes out to you. The sun shines and keeps the earth warm. The air gives you breath. Food is available. And even when people get cold, breathless, and hungry, or if they have great depression or even if they die from heart attacks and other things, the Light will always be there. Trust in the light and you will find peace. I have dark depression and strangling anxiety but I still have hope and peace through my faith. And it's getting better! I'm getting stronger! I believe in the Light. I could never do this on my own even if it looks like I'm doing it on my own. The Light's name is Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed. But I do have anxiety of sharing it. Haha. Thanks for letting me share. Or for reading this.

[Hidden]

I wouldn't know what had happened to you but I would notice you were gone from here at least and be concerned that you had disappeared. I would be sad even though I don't even know you. I would hope the best but fear the worst.