Feeling lost

[arcadefire]

I just lost an 8 years relationship, out of the blue. He told me he could no longer handle my undiagnosed anxiety, it was taking a toll on him and he was not happy. And now I feel helpless. We met when I was 20, I was still studying and I took any job I could to move to his hometown. After 8 years, I thought we would get married, he’s financially stable, so I did not have to worry. I’m still at that dead end job, eventhough I’m highly educated (I have a master degree), and now I feel completely lost. I have noone to talk to, I feel like a failure and I don’t know how to reinvent myself. It’s not only the fact I might not find anyone else, but also that I won’t find a decent job to support myself. I don’t think I’ll be able to move on, I don’t have that kind of strengh in me.

I look at my friends, all getting married and having kids and I feel guilty my relationship ended because I wasn't able to handle my anxiety. I worry about everything, I always need to be prepared for the worse.

I'm sorry for rambling

[Man_Down]

Oh wow, that sounds tough. I’m sure it’s all overwhelming. It’s a significant loss. I’ve experienced something similar in the past and it left me in a bad place, emotionally and professionally. You need to gather yourself and work on improving your situation day by day. It’s not pleasant or quick. I know the feelings are intense, as you’re experiencing a big loss and dealing with an awful condition. Learn to do deep breathing exercises to help when it’s really intense. This is a good resource here, but seek some treatment. Accept you have a condition you can’t control on your own. You might find some big relief over time with some good treatment. Keep your chin up!! Don’t be scared to ask for advice if you need it.

[Blackbeer]

I can relate, i am in a deztructive relationship but for some unknown reason i can not seem to leave and i have no one to talk to.

[arcadefire in reply to Blackbeer]

But I did not see mine as destructive. He was the most supportive person I ever met, and I was able to ruin it due to my anxiety and negativism in certain situations. And now I worry I won't ever find anyone like this. and it's destroying me.

[_amabelizzario]

Hi Arcadefire. How are you feeling today?

This was all very sudden. It is hard but you can do it, you can overcome this. Don't compare your journey with other people's journey. I know this is cliche and I know It is almost impossible not to compare. But things will happen to you, maybe in a different way and that's ok.

I also am in a terrible point where evryone is living the dream and I don't feel like I'm even close and I know how terrifying and lost it can makes us feel.

I don't know how is your realtionship with your ex right now. But maybe you both could talk, I'm sure you can help each other in this transition, until you are both more stable. I think after 8 years you can this in good terms, make sure there is nothing left behind, nothing you guys can do. Don't put all the weight on you, anxiety is out of our control, you don't blame yourself when you get a flu, so don't blame all this on how you are felling.

I hope you are felling better already and I hope this all pass. If you need to talk I'm here. I'm sending you all my best wishes.

[arcadefire]

Hi! Thank you for reaching out

He has been very supportive, he knows how difficult it is being. But yesterday I asked if we could slowly start to meet again, maybe restart dating and he said it was too soon, that he needs to be alone. Which brings the fear of "he will forget me", "we'll never be together again", etc. I feel he no longer loves me and wants to move on, so I need to accept it.

If you also need to talk, I am also here for you!

[_amabelizzario in reply to arcadefire]

This is good to hear, you guys helping each other. I can see you are really open to talk. I hope everything turns out to the good.

About how he feels, I think only time will tell. But I don't think he will ever stop caring for you.

Thank you! I appreciate that.

All my best wishes.

[GeenaAnn]

Hello. My name is Geena and I am a new support group member. I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I have experienced those same feelings. You must start from within … find your own worth because it is there... you don't to name your worth through a relationship or career or social status … you don't have to put a word to it.... take some quiet time and meditate … take some time to realize that "you" are precious.

[PurpleTea]

I had this 2 years ago with my ex leaving me for someone else after we had been in a 7 year relationship. I still can't explain the way I felt and to a degree still feel. It hurt in ways I never imagined. I can't offer you any advice but if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. Take care.

[higherpurpose]

I'm so sorry you are going through such a tough time. You have every right to feel the way you feel. Maybe try reaching out to your family and friends back home. Talking to them can help you feel supported. As far as job, it can take time to land a good job and that's okay. Maybe applying for assisted programs may help you. It may feel hopeless now but time usually does its own thing. Take it day by day. Also, seeking a trusted professional can help you in many ways so maybe consider that. Sending you love and prayers. Take care.