Deep down

[Starrlight]

Deep down I’m very sensitive and have had my feelings hurt a lot lately. There are things in my life that I feel embarrassed about and I accept that right now I am not in the position to change it so I try to not think about those, but then it tries to interfere with any bit of happiness I get.

Deep down I feel like people get tired of hearing it when it’s almost always something. Should I not reach out then?

Deep down I wish I was closer to people but the shy embarrassed part of me and the me who isolates creates a barrier between me and others. I can work on that.

Deep down I ask myself when if ever will I be okay. I’m so tired. I didn’t ask to be living and I can’t leave this scary place I’m in. I could try to see in a new light but mental illness makes it difficult to see.

Thanks for listening. Thanks to those who understand and I’m sorry if you do. No one should have to live this way.

May God bless us all and help us to have wisdom, courage, happiness, peace and love. ❤️

[Agora1]

Starrlight, you speak the truth in that it becomes embarrassing to let others know that

a chronic mental health disorder does not leave over night. Maybe a remission once in

a while but then again, maybe not. How ever we choose to let others know of our plight

should never come with "an apology". We didn't ask for this affliction anymore than

someone asks for chronic health issues.

How you address this issue must come with what you feel more comfortable with.

Becoming more thick skinned and letting their thoughts and remarks slide right

off you?? Or taking care of your needs first and if they do not understand that is

their problem not yours. It's not worth making your symptoms worse. You've got

a worldwide virtual family behind you , who truly cares and understands no matter

how many times you say it, because we've all been there.

Smile Starrlight, you are loved xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Love you 🥰 and feeling the love Agora. I can work on letting things others say and do, slide off me. Not easy for me.

I am going to have workers in my home for three weeks starting Wednesday and I know I will need to be very strong and not break. The safe places I have will be taken over and I will have to try to make other areas safe.

Feels like things are spinning out of control but I will get through, I always have... I just don’t want to worsen symptoms but the best I can do is try to prepare myself the best I can.

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

I agree Starrlight. We may not do well with surprises however, when we know

ahead of time, it's all about having a plan in how to get through it.

Remember your safe place with us during that time. xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Yes a plan. I just think I will lock myself up in a room except for the 4 times a day when I have to go out. Well, I’ll figure it out. And yes you guys will be here during that time and in knowing that there is some comfort.

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

I will be in your safe place with you and your friends. Right now I'm a wounded dove too. S. I can think of no better place to hang out than with the two of you!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

❤️

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Do you want to talk about it? You being wounded?

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm with my sweetie. It's funny how those that wound you can sometimes try to save you too. I do want to talk about it. But, later on okay? Maybe in the morning after you get back up again. My sweetie will take the rest of my day until the wee hours of the morning. S, thanks for being my friend. Okay?

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Cool 😎 take care

[hurtingheart1 in reply to JEG325]

I relate to this very much!!💓take care and hope you feel a lot better soon!! Oh and I know this is a bit delayed just saw your post!!

[Starrlight in reply to hurtingheart1]

Today was a good day. Sorry you can relate but good we are not alone. Thanks for your response!

[JEG325 in reply to hurtingheart1]

Better late than never. Thanks for your concern HH1!

[kenster1]

me and you star and hundreds more probably feel the same way our thoughts are real but not a true reflection of reality.people will always reach out to you and yes one day you will be ok.it might not be today or tomorrow or the next day but yeah one day you will be ok.

[Starrlight in reply to kenster1]

Sometimes it has to be okay to feel not so okay. Thanks for being with me. Hmmm yeah our thoughts are not always a reflection of reality. I feel like things are better than we think up a lot of the time but I do question that because in this world there is evil too.

[summerbaby1991]

I ask myself all the time when and if ever will I be ok? Your not alone in that. I feel like I was not meant to be happy and that's not true. Everyone deserves to be happy. I have always did a good job at hiding my depression but right now it is at the point that I just cant do it anymore. I am doing everything I can to get better and you should to. I think we just need to find the right thing that can help us get there.

[Starrlight in reply to summerbaby1991]

Thanks Summerbaby We do deserve to be happy. Trying to live with positivity.

[Ddorne]

I relate to what you say. It can be embarrassing, but we should not be shamed, it’s an illness not a fight against anyone. God love you

LD

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

Thanks Ddorne!

[pink318]

Hello Starrlight,

I’m sorry for all you are going through. Praying for you that you will stay strong and you will overcome this illness.

We are here for you, you are not alone.

God bless

[Starrlight in reply to pink318]

Thank you. May God bless you too. What if this is it? What if I’ll never get better? It’s scary.

[pink318 in reply to Starrlight]

Hello,

I hope you will stay hopeful. You are in my prayers.

Please stay in the forum, I hope you will be encouraged by the replies here to help you feel better.

Have a great day!

[Starrlight in reply to pink318]

Thank you so much 😊 yes I will be staying here. And trying to be hopeful. Today I drove around 4 times and all easy although I didn’t venture very far.

[Nom-D-Ploom]

It's really hard. I find myself thinking, "I hate myself" multiple times a day. BUT, I do not wake up with the first thought being, "NOOO!" because I don't want to wake up. No. Today I woke thinking about a sewing project. I planned and packed for the visit to my parents.

It just doesn't go away fast, or all at the same time. There are so many regrets and losses that I think we may need to fight them one at a time.

I like watching youtube videos of good and bad preachers....call it a hobby. One got my attention when He said, "If you keep looking ahead at how far from your goal you are you'll feel hopeless, and maybe even give up. Turn around. Take a good look at where you used to be. It's about how far you've come, not how far you have to go." _ Todd Friel

[Starrlight in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Yes fight one at a time. How are your sewing ideas coming along? Yes let’s look at how far we’ve come and not how far we have to go; love that. ❤️

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you. I was sewing really late and managed to cut my finger badly, but it is coming along well. I am reupholstery for the 6 cushions my son has.

[Hidden]

I need to join this ‘club’...I feel like I just want to end it all but I can’t for the sake of my family. I am manic depressive due to trauma. I then did things that I am ashamed to admit. I have thought about death constantly yet I don’t really want to die. I just want the pain to stop,

I was completely ‘normal’ prior to September 2017 when my nightmare occurred. Someone please help me. Tell me to hang on,

Thank you.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Hang in there Returtonormal9. Do you want to talk more about anything? I’m here to listen. You could also pm me if you ever want to.

I’m really sorry you are in so much pain. I too have bipolar and trauma. I have in the past wished to die but knew I couldn’t do it to my family. Things can get better. I swear things can get better. Keep hope. Keep faith. Keep love. Be kind to yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I will pm you now

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Ok

[hurtingheart1]

Just now was reading your posts. I really hope you’re feeling a lot better today!! You are such a caring, kind friend on here please feel good about, care and love yourself !! Hugs to you and thank you also for all the kind helpful care you give!!!!💞🌻🌹🌷🤩

[Starrlight in reply to hurtingheart1]

Your words made me happy. Thanks for noticing Thank you my friend. Today is a better day. Hugs to you!