Down the rabbit hole: I have a problem... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Down the rabbit hole

Kmd90 profile image
12 Replies

I have a problem with alcohol. I have a plan to kill myself. My therapist said I should give it more time and reconsider. Living this life, I’m very tired. I struggle to focus on the positive and reflect on the the positive side to things with life. I know I’m young and yet to explore what’s out there, but I’m done with everything. Ever since my divorce, I don’t see much happiness with myself and I’m too pissed to care. Getting into an emotional attachment is hard and I feel bad.

I want the pain to go away. I want to stop drinking.

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Kmd90
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12 Replies
Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books

I don't have much to say to the hurt you feel except to say there are a few of us here in the same situation. HU does have a "Drink Free" forum where you can get a lot of support with the alcohol.

StellaBelle profile image
StellaBelle

Hi Kmd90, I can 100 percent relate to your feelings right now and want you to know you are not alone in your feelings. Reading your post has let me know I am not alone. I struggle with cannabis (people may laugh at that one but it’s real) suicidal thoughts and a recent break up that has made life feel hopeless.

I have to keep telling myself and will tell you it WILL get better. This WILL pass. We are not alone and we will be missed if we were to leave our lives. Take it one day, one hour, or one minute at a time.

Existing profile image
Existing

Ohhh I hear the pain you are in, and yes, I know, it can feel - make that -- it can BE unbearable, hence the alcohol. Many on here know exactly what that deep endless pain can feel like, and we all need relief. I hope you give it some time too before making that final decision. I am like the last person to say something like that because I really have had a death wish most of my life. But I hear some real painful circumstances, and as hard as it is to endure, that is definitely not the time to make a decision to leave this world.

I don't want to tell you what to do, or say any cheesy things, but do- stick- around- as long you can with this. There are many helpful things you can do if you are willing to work through this. They won't cure the pain, but they can set you up for what you can get out of this painful period. I always say some things don't make me feel better, but they can keep me from feeling worse.

And you found a good place here. People are kind, supportive, and the people are current and active. So even if you just need to vent, there is somebody around listening, and who gets it. This pain is difficult but will not last your entire life. There is more for you down the road, when you heal.🙏

CLB1125 profile image
CLB1125

I want to jump in here with my two cents. You have people that really love you. I can’t tell you who they because I don’t know you but… I want you know how devastating checking out will be to those people. I feel the same way and then I think of my kids, my niece who has no one close by to help her through her bad times. Even if I don’t want to be here, they want me here. I am right now watching my son in law struggling. His mom has hit rock bottom into alcoholism since her husband passed away. She has forgotten the ones that love her trying desperately to save her. And sadly he is using alcohol to cope. That in turn hurts my daughter. And the cycle continues. Checking out will ease your pain but will it will hurt so many more. Fight the disease! Don’t let it win! Go to meetings come here go to detox anything available to you. You deserve a good life and if you fight as hard as hell, you’ll make it! We will be here to help you fight!!

Ellamaye profile image
Ellamaye

There's so much out there for people with alcohol problems. Like a whole community of people who know what your going through. So put your plan in a box under your bed and after you've heard the life stories of others who understand you and have been where you are. You can in the future look back on the plan as a moment of weakness x I'm praying for your strength x 🙏 praying to God and the universe and santa clause and to everything. (Religion neutral praying)

CLB1125 profile image
CLB1125 in reply toEllamaye

I like your religion neutral praying. 😉

MPHLover profile image
MPHLover

Hi there! I know what it feels like, believe me! I'm 59 and just can't remember any happy moments in my life and the future looks grim. I think about "ending it all" very often. However, there are two main reasons that prevent me from attempting it,namely: 1) How my parents would feel about it;

2) I'm spiritist, and the doctrine affirms that committing suicide will only make things even worse for me if I did it, which scares the s*** out of me!!

Although I don't have any drinking problem, I have a host of other issues, including, but not limited to, substance related issues (each one has their "drug of choice", right?)...

Sometimes I just "lose it" and feel like "breaking/throwing things" you know what I mean?

Unfortunately, we all know,deep inside, that these kinds of behavior won't take us anywhere...so,if you live in a country that may offer you a good Tx for your dependency (USA, for instance), I urge you to do so. Take advantage of it!

In my country (Brazil) I don't have many alternatives left for my case. I wish you all the luck in the world! 😊

MPHLover profile image
MPHLover

Hi there! I know what it feels like, believe me! I'm 59 and just can't remember any happy moments in my life and the future looks grim. I think about "ending it all" very often. However, there are two main reasons that prevent me from attempting it,namely: 1) How my parents would feel about it;

2) I'm spiritist, and the doctrine affirms that committing suicide will only make things even worse for me if I did it, which scares the s*** out of me!!

Although I don't have any drinking problem, I have a host of other issues, including, but not limited to, substance related issues (each one has their "drug of choice", right?)...

Sometimes I just "lose it" and feel like "breaking/throwing things" you know what I mean?

Unfortunately, we all know,deep inside, that these kinds of behavior won't take us anywhere...so,if you live in a country that may offer you a good Tx for your dependency (USA, for instance), I urge you to do so. Take advantage of it!

In my country (Brazil) I don't have many alternatives left for my case. I wish you all the luck in the world! 😊

Doesiteverend profile image
Doesiteverend

You are drinking to ease the pain. I've done it for 40 years. There hasn't been a day for 40 years I haven't thought like you. You are not alone by a mile. Look. I drink 2 beers a day now after 12 rehabs. Been divorced 3 times. My plant shut down. I'm still here and the struggle with depression and anxiety hasn't stopped. With that said. I know where you are. I'm all alone. But the pain of drinking heavy and waking up to that will push you over the top. Cut your drinking. You will get a clearer picture of what's next. Life is all I have and I'm grateful for that now. We go too fast the way it is. Don't do it. Please!!!

Marysblue profile image
Marysblue

Please go to AA. Get a sponsor. There are amazing stories of transformation there. Drinking is a depressant ..it causes depression. My heart goes out to you.

EnnuiLeTharge profile image
EnnuiLeTharge

This is an awful thing to say, but my reaction is, you have a plan? What is it? My only comfort lately is that I have this out. You say you're young--you can overcome your sadness and drinking problem. I'm 61 and trapped and my adult kids would probably be relieved if I kicked the bucket and left them some money. (Well, one would.) I just know one of my four cats would be devastated, so there's that.

Teaching profile image
Teaching

So sorry you are going through this. Speaking out is part of your healing process. I believe your therapist, it's hard but give it time.

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