Slipping into a deep rut again

[mayabee804]

Hi everyone. First time posting here. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical anxiety, medicated in the past for it but not currently (for over a year). I’m feeling myself Slip into depression and having anxious thoughts again, crying at work, feeling fatigued and upset. Most of my anxiety is stemming from marital issues that have happened in the past (most recently in December).

My husband is deployed and we are currently in a no communication period, which is making it harder for me to deal with this anxiety alone. Sometimes I go an entire day without human interaction. Work is slow giving me more time to get caught up in my thoughts.

I guess I’m just looking for support, people to talk to with similar issues, wives or husbands who have also gone through marital issues and are trying to make it work. I do the standard gratitude journaling and exercise extensively.

Appreciate your time. Sending my love to those who need it. Thanks for reading.

[Elaine1963]

Hi, suffering with anxiety as well. Husband is here but does not understand what or why I have anxiety. I have good days and bad days.

[mayabee804 in reply to Elaine1963]

I understand that feeling Elaine. It’s very isolating when your partner doesn’t understand it, or gets angry because of it.

[Elaine1963 in reply to mayabee804]

Thanks, on our way to get gas for lawn mower because the anxiety has become a phones and I do not want to be home alone because I don't want to have a anxiety attack.

I have an appointment to see a counselor on Mon. Hoping to get encouragement to do things alone and not fear an attack and if I do have one. I need to work through it ☹️

[Hidden]

Thanks for sharing. Like you I’ve been diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression. Anxiety can be crippling and combined with depression it is exhausting. You feel alone but please know that you are not. This is a good forum and people respond. I can’t tell you not to cry. Because I do as well. All I can say is take it one day at a time. Continue journaling and your exercise. This too shall pass. Everything is temporary. Be gentle with yourself. Love and blessings.

[LRobichaux in reply to Hidden]

Needed to hear that today bluecat!

[Hidden]

Hi love,

Sorry you feel so low, someone on this site told me to give up or carry on, it did make me feel better. So much as I've gotta make a effort.

Two things guaranteed in life we are born, and we will die, it's up to us to make the bit In between happy. Don't give up when you are at your lowest it can only get better.. Take care xx

[mayabee804 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Pat. I think I will carry on day by day

[Rpan]

I hear you saying that these feelings stem from the marriage. I have been married for many years as well. I have learned that communication causes my a lot of anxiety in my marriage, mostly because I get so angry. What I mean is anger and anxiety feel the same to me. When I don’t feel supported ( which is often) I then feel the same way. Getting upset too feels like anxiety. My spouse does not have these issues which leaves me judging myself and often feeling guilty. I say all of this because I wonder if you too are falling into this trap. I’m learning how not to judge her when she has a different opinion. She simply doesn’t understand my struggles, she tries to support me, but often falls short as my expectations of her are way too high. Somewhere there is a balance, that I hope to find. I hope some of this is helpful

[mayabee804 in reply to Rpan]

Hi there. Thanks for your thoughts. A lot of my anxiety stems from my husbands infidelity (through dating apps). I would say he may have a similar reaction to you: anxiety and depression are one in the same for him (it often appears as anger to me)... I have worked on communicating more clearly with my husband when I feel a certain way or not discounting different opinions to help him feel like he is not to blame. It has helped but the infidelity is still a recurring pain for me to cope with. It’s hard right now when I can’t tell him how I’m feeling

[Rpan]

I hear you. Without getting specific, on this forum, I too crossed a line in my marriage. It was no affair and I didn’t sleep with anyone. I told my wife, as it sounds your husband was honest with you. I will admit I did blame my wife. ( trying to justify my poor behavior) Men, we are so different, we can convince ourselves of the most ridiculous nonsense. Having made a similar mistake the guilt and shame is overwhelming. I often question the love that I have for her because of this guilt and shame. It really gets complicated on both ends. It’s a tough situation.