Context: All my life I felt unworthy of love, unlovable and even if someone loved me, they are better off without me. I always had the mindset of "if not even your father could love you, how could other people love you?". This past year, the antidepressant has really helped me not 100% as medicine is not magical but it has drastically improved my quality of life. During April. I have been hanging out with a girl that I started to like a few weeks ago. We have talked a lot and I confessed to her yesterday afternoon (my first confession, 22 years old and this is the first, feels a little bit pathetic 😩but theres nothing that can be done about it I guess). I am new to this, and it seems she likes me, but she really puts emphasis on the importance of self confidence and self esteem. The thing is, I am very self conscious and very insecure about myself, my abilities, my worth and my looks (she said I am pretty at least lol).
To make a long story short, we are going to gather somewhere next week to know more about each other and to make things clear. And although I am a very reserved person about my condition (only like 4 people know, including my mom and brother lol) and I would rather not talk about it, I do not like this thing defining me. But at the same time, I feel that disclosing something that important to the person I want to date for the first time in my life is very important, not only because of honesty about myself to her and her knowing what she is getting into but also to kinda explain some self esteem, self consciusness and self confidence issues I have that of course I am working on, but it is a work in progress so they slip every now and then (plus other stuff that some of you guys who have some kind of depressive disorder might know).
How do you think I should tackle this topic with her? What aspects are the most important to disclose with her? Do you guys think I am suitable enough to enter into a relationship? Has something similar happened to some of you? I would love any kind of advice, small or big. I am open to criticism and tips of any kind. Thanks in advance 🥰
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LynnSalv
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Wow - you could be talking about me! Like you, I've always felt 'not good enough'. You mentioned your father - he must have made you feel unloved. I, too, had that experience when I was seven years old after first of all being bullied at school, and then one of my parents calling me 'dirty', 'evil' and 'deformed'. Since then I've experienced (or imagined) negativity from people.
It's truly wonderful that you've met this nice girl who likes you enough to want to meet again!!! Just take it as it comes, and if you need to talk about these issues, just be honest. I've found that when I've told people about my difficulties and insecurities, instead of being judgmental they actually seem to like and accept me more than if I tried to be something I'm not.
Just take it slow - and be aware of her and how she feels. You never know, your honesty may help her talk about her insecurities too. Best of luck!
By the way, look at my name 'worthytobeloved'. We all are, especially you.
The first thing I noticed was you username haha it felt very appropriate for this post. And so sorry to hear about the struggles you faced during your childhood, I can deeply relate to that.
And what you said did happen, she said she likes me too (it feels kinda weird having someone like you haha I do not know if feeling that is normal or just me being weird) and I was open about the condition and she opened up too. She was very very nice and supportive, it felt refreshing for a change since I have always hid this because of the backlash or lack of care of the people around me.
Thank you sooo soooo much for your words and advice, it truly worked wonders ✨
And what you said "We all are, especially you" hit me very hard, I havent heard that said to me. Thank you so much for that, it truly meant a lot to me ❤️
OMG, I haven't stopped smiling since I got your reply! I am so thrilled that it worked so well, and that you have both been able to share feelings that you wouldn't normally be able to. When you find the right person, it really can be 'a trouble shared, a trouble halved'! And just think, you have found a girl you really like, who likes you and who you can talk freely to. Wonderful for you, but also you are helping her by the sound of it. Well done - it must have taken a lot of courage to be honest with her, and I'm so glad it worked so well. I wish you all the happiness in the world!!!
Thank you again for your response, it still seems like magic how well it went hahaha
I have to work still on my condition because I do not want it to be an obstacle on any relationship I have, but having her support feels so relieving. I still have a million and one insecurities and things that make me feel nervous or inferior to her, but I will try to be a good man and hopefully a good partner for her
Hi, lovely young man! I know what you mean about having so many insecurities, and the feeling of being inferior, and I'm so glad you've been brave enough to overcome them, when it's so tempting to hide away and not risk getting hurt. Just be the best person you can be with everyone you meet, but also try to stay true to yourself and not let people take advantage of you. She sounds so nice - I bet she's thrilled to have met you too! xxx
Thank you so much! Things have been going great, she gives me so much confidence really. I want to stay true to myself but I feel like I have to change for the better. Ive heard of relationships that have been destroyed due to mental health issues on one person, I want to be different.
But I hope everything goes right. Thank you so so so so much for your comments, they help me so much you have no idea. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything or want to vent you can ask me ✨😊
Hello, my dear friend! I'm so glad that things are going well and she is helping you feel more confident and happy. I understand what you mean when you worry that having psychological problems can destroy relationships, but it is good that you can be honest about how you feel, and that she understands and is still there for you.
I looked up your bio, and was really struck by how much we have in common! (Clinical depression, fluoxetine, being made to feel like trash from childhood, etc). I think (certainly in my case) that once you are taught how unacceptable you are as a child, it can stay with you forever - even when life shows that you are accepted by everyone.
I hope you have found taking the fluoxetine helpful. I couldn't do without it (I've tried cutting down and started to go back to the hell on earth of depression).
I had to look up the words 'dysthymia' and 'anhedonia' as I'd never heard of them, but they certainly describe what it's like to have clinical depression.
Thank you so much for staying in touch - I love hearing from you, and feel you have become a dear friend (even though we haven't met)!
I hope life continues to be better for you, and I'm always here.if you want to 'talk'! Lots and lots of love and best wishes! xxx
Things with her have gone wonderfully! I made her a paper flower bouquet to ask her if she wanted to be my partner. I think I can show them to you, Ill put them down here. They took me like a whole night and I worked on them on the middle of the class but it was worth it because she liked them very much!
I just read your bio and yeah, it seems we had a lot in common although I think you have had it more rough over the years UnU I admite how much you have evolved and changed, you are so wise ✨ Truly it is so heavy having the burden of knowing I am not loved nor cared for in both school and in home, I can share your burden right there. Personally, I consider my life to have started at 17 years old when I entered college, and still then I would isolate and come home to cry in the shower or in bed and sleep for unhealthy amounts of hours due to hypersomnia.
You are right, fluoxetine has drastically improved my quality of life (although the side effects were nasty the first month hahaha), but I feel like I burden my mother too much economically due to her having to buy them all the time I sometimes do not buy lunch or use any food to reduce expenses for her (although she gets mad haha).
I too feel very at ease talking to you I try to not comment so frecuently to you because I do not want to bother you, but it is so nice to talk out stuff to you really ✨ you can talk to me about anything you want 🥰 thank you so so much for your kind words and your updates, I truly truly appreciate them ✨
The paper flower bouquet. She posted it and put sparkles and hearts around it!
Hello - how lovely to hear from you, and to know that things are still going so well. What a beautiful bouquet you made - you're so talented! I'm sure she appreciated the fact that you had spent all that time making it, rather than just buying her some flowers. I'm not very good on the smartphone, but I'm going to see if I can download it to where I keep my photos and things. That way I will always think of you!
I'm glad fluoxetine helps you, and I agree that it's awful we have to pay for something that virtually saves our lives.
Your post really made my day, especially as I've been quite upset by things happening with my new upstairs neighbour. Every time she has a bath, I have water coming through my bathroom ceiling, and she keeps on saying she can't sleep at night because of loud music coming from my flat (when there isn't)! Luckily, she's been upsetting a lot of other neighbours too, so I'm not alone in that. Thank goodness there are some nice people like you in the world!
Yeeeessss, she really appreciated it and I am so happy for it. I am going to do something similar for her birthday, a 3d origami figure of something she likes, Ill show you when I am done with it ☺️
And yeah, it feels wrong somehow. In my country, in the public service we can get 30 pills of fluoxetine for just 5 of our currency (which it translates to like 0.20 dollars). I havent gone there for a while, I dont know if you feel the same way but I feel kinda ashamed of going there because my classmates could see me 😞
And your neighbour sounds like a pain, gives you unnecesary worries and stress. Hopefully with the help of your other neighbours you can find a solution to this, because all that unnecesarry stress is just another burden on ourselves.
And I am happy that there are people like you in the world 🥰 I love hearing from you. My computer got damaged so I couldnt use it for a while, I wondered what you had commented hahaha
Hi, my lovely friend! I'm glad your relationship is still going well, and I know she'll love anything you give her, especially if you've made it. I still can't get over how beautiful and clever the bouquet was! (I've taken a screenshot of it)! How and why did you learn origami - you could make a living from it as you are so talented!Thanks for keeping in touch - I love hearing from you! Lots of love xxx
Hellooooooo. You were right, she absolutely loved it! I feel I could have done a better job but overall she really liked it. She even gaved me a kiss in the cheek and I was very shy about it hahaha.
I took an origami course when I was in 10th grade, I was 15 I remember. I was learning origami and japanese, but had to drop it because on last year of college we had to do social service, I was 16 then I remember. I wish I could make a living out of these, but I feel like I am not good enough for it 🤧 I have made some over the years but havent been too involved in origami.
And sorry for the late update, I have been feeling kinda down these days. I have been having intrusive thoughts and a bitter hollow sentiment in my chest. I hope it goes down soon 🙏
I hope you have been fine these days ✨ hope to listen from you soon 🥰
Hello lovely friend! Thanks for getting in touch and telling me a bit more about you.I'm very impressed that you were learning Japanese (which must be hard), and I never knew you could do a course in origami. I was in a coffee shop recently, and the barista was making origami objects for a young girl. She made a very clever one of a boat. I wish I'd shown her the screenshot of your bouquet.
I'm sorry you've been feeling low recently. I hope it's just 'feeling low' and not the awful clinical depression. But just feeling low is bad enough. I often feel the same (in fact, I think most people do at times). I wish I knew of an easy fix for that. I hope this feeling lifts, and you will feel more hopeful.and positive soon. What sort of things can help you feel better? They say getting out in nature helps. Maybe watching a comedy show or a funny film. Remembering happy times (including the kiss on your cheek from your girlfriend)!
I feel low on and off - one day can be very good and positive, and the next can be depressing. One good bit of news from here is that my upstairs neighbour has left (she was only here for three weeks)! Apparently she upset a lot of people and caused a lot of trouble. Hopefully I'll get a better neighbour next time!
You can show the photos to anyone you want I worked very hard on them and am very proud of it, and you liking them makes me very happy 🥰
And I assume my lows are not as low as when people experience major depressive disorder. Dysthymia is a more tame feeling, it still lets me get up and shower and cook and stuff at least hahaha, I am grateful for having the "tame" version, although some weeks-months feel absolutely overwhelming. I am sure you can relate. To feel better, I just study a lot to take my mind off of things, or sleep, or play until I go numb, or just listen to music. I have been hearing a cover of a song I recently discovered and it is wonderful, I will share it with you, maybe you will like it too 😊
And oh, reading about the cheek kiss made me remember some things hahaha I have to tell you, we oficially kissed about two weeks ago. It was my first kiss ever (maybe weird for someone 22 years old hahaha). It may feel insignificant as it was just a kiss, but I put a lot of worth onto these little things. I am slightly insecure because as it is my first time kissing someone, I may not know how to do it and maybe she can get annoyed ugh, I hate overthinking so much over something that is supposed to be something happy.
And I am so glad you have resolved the issue with your upstairs neighbour. Must have been a really bad neighbour to have annoyed half the building in less than a month lol I hope you have no more troubles of the sort and be able to have peace and silence for a long time 🙏
Also, I am so so so so so sorry for leaving you hanging with the response, I havent had my mind in the right place this few weeks if you know what I mean. Today is a particular gloomy day for me so I returned to this community. But I wanted to apologize to you for leaving you hanging. I feel like a burden, like I do not matter. I am scared of sharing my feelings to the people around me because I do not want to burden them, do not want them to see me as only complaining all the time and do not want to seem weak (because people treat very poorly men they perceive as weak or pathetic, at least here). But I want to let it all out, I am dying inside, I do not know what to do UnU but I will figure it out eventually. If you are christian, please pray for me 😔 I need all the strengh I can get to continue on...
I hope to hear from you soon, and if I do I promise I will try to not disappear for too long this time 😔
Hello, my love. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I read your recent post too, and wish I could answer more fully right now, but I will reply more fully as soon as I can.You are going through a bad patch (as we all do) and, like me, you are super-sensitive.
My love, I wish I had more time to reply more fully, but I just want to let you know about an app that might help you in some way. You asked me if I was a christian, and the answer is "yes", and I will pray for you, my dear friend.
I have just listened to the app today, and it seemed to be so relevant to what you are going through. The app is called Soulspace, and a woman with a lovely voice gives a short meditation based on our problems and God's help. I do hope you get this reply today, and can listen to today's meditation.
Bless you - I am so thinking of you, and will reply properly as soon as I can.
Sending you all my love, thoughts and prayers. xxx
Hello my dearest wonderful friend. I've re-read your message and your recent post, and am so sad you are feeling this way at the moment. I even re-read your bio, and my reply to it. If you remember, I told you that I've felt (and still feel) all the things you feel - from being unworthy of love, self conscious and insecure about yourself in every way, including your looks.You were asking whether you should tell your girlfriend ( because that's what she is!), about your insecurities. You were brave enough to do so, and it worked!!! So she knows about your depression and your insecurities, and still really likes you (and I mean really likes you!!!
It is so hard to talk to those even closest to us about our negative feelings, especially when you are so considerate of how others may feel. You are SO not a burden - just the opposite! You are such a considerate, kind, sensitive person, and you have people who care about you - your mum, your uncle, your friends, your girlfriend (not to mention me)!
I think you are feeling particularly low and insecure at the moment, which is something we all go through, but it's worse for you because of the depression and low self-esteem.
If you don't feel you can explain it to your girlfriend, could you show her your post. Could you share or show it to your mother? They love you, and want to help you.
Who knows what will happen in the future - whether this relationship will last. The thing is - it sounds a wonderful relationship on both sides. Maybe she's scared of getting more involved too quickly in case she gets hurt? You said you feel you are disappointing her, but can't think of any examples. It sounds like that's your insecurities showing rather than a fact.
Gosh, I'm so glad I've got this far in replying to you (I kept on losing the post).
If it's any consolation, I'm feeling very insecure about myself too (especially my looks), and have spent the whole day indoors, hiding away from the world) when I need to get out and get stuff done. Like you, I'm feeling particularly low and insecure, and scared of being seen in case someone is unkind about my looks. And ... oh, my god, there's so much more.
Just to end, look back over the amazing replies you've had to your post! I hope and pray with all my heart that you feel better and more hopeful soon. Lots of love xxx
Yes, I remember you telling me. I understand you, and it is such a burden on the soul to think constantly about stuff like that. I wish I was more mature or experienced to deal with it better.
And yesss hahaha my (girlfriend) was very kind and supportive. She hasnt been available because her mother got sick, but she still gives me some of her time which I greatly appreciate.
And thanks for including yourself on the list 🤧✨
I would show her the post, but neither she nor my mom can speak english 😞 and I fully trust my mom, but I just do not want to put any burden on her to worry about me. She noticed I think, because she has been writing me in the mornings. I would like to be a reliable and strong man, which she can depend on and not one who makes her be worried about me 😞 I have a long road to travel until I can be like that I guess.
And it is a wonderful relationship! She is super soft and delicate when interacting with me, super kind and very considerate. I wish I could show you the interactions. I do not know if she is being cautious or not, what I feel is that I am being more cautious of her than she is of me hahaha I try to inspire trust and reassure her as best as I can. Always asking for her opinion, consent, being soft and delicate myself when interacting with her, keeping a serene tone of voice, and so on. The voice is specially important to me since in my circle growing up and even now sometimes, people were very verbally abusive and loud. We would scream at each other at the slightest provocation. I am changing that, I have done a pretty good job I think, but just for safety I always keep it in mind when interacting with people, specially her.
I could show you the chat interactions, but they are in Spanish so I do not know if that would work for you
And sorry if writing the reply gave you any troubles at all I read it like half a day after you posted it but wanted to be in a better headspace to reply correctly and not just rant like I did in my recent post hahaha
And about the insecurities, you are so right. I was eating myself on doubts and worries about her not wanting to know nothing about me or spend time with me and that stuff, but it turns out her mom was sick and she was busy with that. Of course I didnt tell her all of what I thought, I do not want to be manipulating or toxic or whatever it is called haha but it reassured me a lot.
And I understand you and lament the negative feelings you have I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy. But if it is of any help at all, your sweet demeanor would make any way you look still a comforting and reassuring sight for anyone who knows you 🥰 I wish I could tell you myself in person and reassure you since feeling inadecuate about our looks can be very incapacitating at times, but I hope I can transmit the same sentiment and feel through here ✨
You can share your feelings too, you know. I will try to be more attentive to respond quicker 😅
Thank you for your kind reply. The more I am in contact with you, the more I see what a lovely, kind, considerate person you are. Your mum and your girlfriend are so lucky to have you in their lives! And I feel very blessed to know you!Don't worry about replying quickly - just get in touch if you feel like it, or want to talk about something. xxx
I got lost for a bit, sorry about that. I went through a lot. College is being super hard for me lately. I had an accident on August which made things harder for a while. It has been rough, and I feel very bad right now, so I wanted to return and see what is up on the community. Again, sorry for getting lost for so long
Hi darling. It sounds like you're going through a really bad patch, what with having an accident, and finding it hard at college. Would it help to talk more about all those things? Just feel free to vent, rant, whatever ... no-one will be shocked, just sympathetic and understanding. You are too precious to be feeling so bad about yourself. xxx
Thank you so much I dont think it was something so big, I fall off from a moving bus and lost consciousness for a bit, and woke up to a lot of blood, a doctor (or I think she was a nurse, I dont remember) and some of my classmates who passed by all around me as I recovered my senses. I feel so guilty about all that, I made my mom waste a lot of money on me and sometimes I think it was better for me to just have died right there and then. I spent like a week without being able to rest due to heavy headaches and all the big scratches that were left on my back, and some more weeks getting better from everything. I felt (still feel) like such an nuisance, even for things like not able to even wash my own dishes....
It makes me kind of mad that some doctors (my college professor at the time) told me things like "well, you had a whole week to rest" or "one more day off and you wouldve been expelled". Even some of my classmates considered it as "taking a week off". I dont know, it just feels very invalidating and made me feel worse than what I was already feeling, like a confirmation that my pain really doesnt matter, I should just stop being such a burden...
Sorry for the heavy rant UnU
You know, the girl I like says things like that too, she is a very precious human being. I have such a big abandomnent fear with her, more than with anyone, I dont know why, it makes my chest heavy and makes me feel like a bad man for being so insecure...
Sorry for only bringing bad things after such a long time UnU
I hope you have been feeling good and that you have had peace and rest 😊 you have come through a lot, you deserve it ❤️✨
Hello my love. I'm so sorry things are so bad for you at the moment. I'll be in touch again as soon as I'm able, but in the meantime I'm thinking of you with lots of love. xxx
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I sometimes do not buy lunch or use any food to reduce expenses for her (although she gets mad haha). 
How do I get my daughter to join online support group?
In order for me to be happy again, I need to let me past go.
I feel like a failure. 
I am ugly
Social Anxiety being finally diagnosed...
