Should I quit my job?

[LMCello]

I am a nanny for twin seven year olds. I am going through a bad time right now with my anxiety and depression. I have a short fuse and no patience. I’ve signed up for a parenting class called positive parenting solutions that’s supposed to help you parent without yelling. I haven’t started it yet because I am consumed with excuses and roadblocks in my mind. I don’t care about my work. Everything is slipping. Forgetting to do stuff. Not giving them quality care. Yelling at them. Talking about quitting right in front of them.

My boss is another story altogether. She talks down to me all the time. But then she does something really great like paying to have my apartment cleansed because my husband is about to have surgery. I can’t figure out if she’s a good person or a narcisist or what. That gives me a TON of anxiety. Is she my friend? Does she lie to me? Does she complain about me to people? Does she genuinely think of me as part of her family? I never know for sure.

The kids can be the sweetest. But they’re kids. So they don’t listen or they are disrespectful. They lie which drives me nuts and hurts my feelings. I don’t understand it. Like, one of them was supposed to be cleaning her room and I caught her putting dirty socks in a drawer instead of the hamper. She insisted that she was taking them out of the drawer which I know is not true. Am I crazy for being bothered that she lied? Does that even count as a lie?

I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my husband because he is about to have life changing surgery and I can’t bother him with this. But I am constantly on the verge of tears. Please help me.

Sorry for any typos. I am not rereading this, which is really not like me. I am so off and about to cry in Starbucks but I have to go back to work.

[Agora1]

LMCello, Truthfully, you need to quit. You are so on the edge right now between dealing with your Anxiety & Depression as well as your husband having some major surgery. This isn't good for you or the twins. They need stability in their lives which is pretty hard for you to give them when your emotions are running high. Before something happens that may have you cross the line in anger, it is best to bow out or take a leave of absence. Work on getting yourself together before you start caring for children again. I wish you well in doing the right thing as well as wish you husband good luck with his surgery.

I think you knew the answer but just needed it confirmed. Take care of yourself LMCello. xx

[Ceciliaak in reply to Agora1]

I think u should quit too. For you.

[one-love]

I know your pain I have my good days and my bad days a lot of my anxiety attacks I thought were heart attacks in the beginning because of the physical symptoms I was always having (heart pounding, dizzy, impending doom feeling, breathing difficulty) but after years of having them and talking to doctors and therapists I realize now when I have them they are just anxiety attacks but they can be very scary for sure if you don't know what it is in the beginning. I hate taking RX meds too so it's a double edge sword, I feel like I trade one problem for another when I take the pills the doctors give me and all the side effects that come with them. To be honest I have been using medical marijuana for the last few years and I feel it really helps me and doesn't have near as many bad side effects. I know it might sound crazy but look into it and try a sativa strain it really helps with mood, anxiety and depression. But use a low does if you never tried it before

[Justswimming]

They're only 7 so try to be patient ..I sounds like you need treatment ASAP ..so minimally take some time off and get help ...it would be great if they felt like you were family but they are paying you so you are an employee.. Some people could be more but if you weren't anything to them before odds are your not ...please go talk to a therapist and get some help

[LMCello]

Thank you. I am going to see a psychologist (I think??? Or psychiatrist??) a doctor anyway. Today. Right after lunch. I want to ask her what she thinks. I am a new patient, though, and she doesn’t accept my insurance. But I have heard really good things about her so I am hoping this is going to be worth the $150. I will try to remember to check back in and let you know how it goes. Thank you again for your input.

[Hidden]

Hi there, although your post is 10 months old, I'm reading it for the first time and would like to know how you are doing? Did you quit, or simply request a leave? Was the visit to the Doctor helpful, and how are things now?

[LMCello]

Hi, it’s so sweet of you to check on me! I am absolutely 100% better!! I ended up taking leave from work and getting into an outpatient program where I went every day from 8-1. They adjust your meds, teach you coping skills, and have group sessions. They cared so much and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed before I stopped going. During that time, my employer pressured me to know whether or not I was coming back to work for them. Since I couldn’t give her a date that I would be ready, I decided it was time to quit. Unfortunately, I don’t get to continue my relationship with the kids.

At that point I didn’t trust myself with any children at all. My good friend offered me some part time work with her two boys and I was VERY hesitant. She knew about what I was going through, though, so I started just doing chores around the house for her. Right now, I am about to pick one of them up and take him to his house to work on letters and numbers 😊. I even spent a weekend with the boys without any other adults.

Anyway, my full time job right now is at a cleaning company, and I love it. It is low-stress, and I can focus more of my mental, emotional, and physical energy on making healthy choices and working on projects!

Well, I gotta go! Thanks again for asking! I hope that you are doing well, too, but if not, I would love to be here for you if you need to talk.