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Can anyone relate? Feeling so lost. Hopeless

Need2feelbetter2 profile image

I'm in the middle of this deep depression and full of anxiety and have become agoraphobic too. I'm so tired of feeling depressed. I have been through 3 other major depressive bouts - all with anxiety too. I'm a little over a month on citalopram. Almost 3 weeks on 20 mg. Initial starting dose low for about 2 weeks.

I really want my life back. I'm lost. Long. Sad. Frustrated and I feel so stuck. The world is going on without me. But I wish I could be a part of it again. My friends and family tell me I'm going to be ok and I'll make it through. But I dont see it. How come they see it and I dont?

The mornings are incredibly difficult riddled with anxiety. What ifs. Thinking about the future and the things that will be hard to deal with. When am I going to fel.some joy?

Some happiness. I'm usually a goofy person. I joke around a lot. Mak people laugh. But it's gone. I dont see anyone. I rarely talk. And while that's the only way I can cope and get through th Its not what I really want. I'm just stuck

Stuck in this hole of darkness. I want out

Can anyone tell me it gets better? Will I make it through. This is not living. This is existing. That's it. I cannot stand this. I cannot will my way out of this. It makes me feel weak. Useless.

I pray to God and anyone who will listen to help me feel better. I doesnt seem like it's ever going to happen and I need it to so desperately!!

Can anyone relate. ????

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62 Replies

Hi..Yes..we relate...and the answer to your question, yes, YOU get better..take a deep breath..big.gug for you

Agora1 profile image
Agora1

Hi Need2, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. From the emotions growing like

tentacles reaching out to every part of your life until you are just existing. Something

happens in your life if not recent then past experiences that keep growing when not

addressed. When anxiety gets severe enough, agoraphobia creeps in and makes us

afraid of everything in life. There is no safe place to run to and hide because that deep

fear is buried inside us.

Medication and talk therapy are a start in setting a plan that will allow you to go forward

and break this cycle of fear. Addressing and taking action against your fears is the first

step. Accepting that anxiety has to do with the lies our mind tells us is important. Some

situations in our lives seem impossible to leave behind and so then, we must accept in how we

react to those situations. This is a step by step process. This didn't happen overnight and

so cannot be expected to disappear quickly. It WILL and it DOES lessen as you get in more

control of your thoughts and actions. Throughout my long grueling struggle with mental

health, I never once thought that it wouldn't go away and maybe that's what saved me.

There had to be reasons I was like this as well as answers. I took apart anxiety piece by piece like a puzzle replacing all the pieces of my life until it became whole again.

It takes work as well as believing in yourself which can help with therapy. You will be whole

again one day. Never doubt that. From this day forward, throw away the "what ifs" in your

life. They serve no purpose. Think positive because what you think is what you get. :) xx

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toAgora1

It is hard to do, but you are correct you must throw away the "What ifs", their only purpose is to drag you down into deeper depression. Live in the moment.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply toshawshankredemention

Hi shawshankredemention... clever username :)

Welcome to the forum. More than anything else in my life, the

"what ifs" held me back the most. We can't control the future.

Embracing the present moment is all we have. Thanks for your input. :) xx

Did you get over your depression the last time with or without antidepressants?

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply tolillyofthevalley37

The last 3 bouts of major depression was w

With antidepressants. Early 20s.- due to divorce. Late 30s. Break up of 10 year relationship and work problems. Early mid 40s - stress and a family members illness and other problems. This time - I'm not sure. Lots of things. Stress adding up. Work stresses. Problems with a best friend. I really dont know.

I am taking citalopram - which worked the last 2 times. I just need it to work again. I want to feel better so badly.

Please tell me I'll be ok !!

lillyofthevalley37 profile image
lillyofthevalley37 in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

I think you will be OK I really do.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply tolillyofthevalley37

I pray you're right. I need my life back. 😪

Yes we all can relate and that is why we are here. because we all need to know that we are not alone and things do get better. 3 weeks is not much time on meds. Be patient. Get a sun lamp. Meditate. It is hard to break out of routine, but it is a good sign that you are sick of it. If you are sick of it then it is time to get out of the house and look at the beautiful sun and thank God that you were given the mental abilities to appreciate the beauty around.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

It's been almost 3 weeks on 20 mg.

Prior to that it was 2 weeks - 1 at 10 mg and 1 at 15. Do you think it's just going to take more time?

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

yes. I started to feel better with two weeks of 10 mg of lexapro, but I needed a full two weeks more at 20 mg before I started feeling better, but it wasn't the medication alone. It was meditation, walking, gratitude lists, calling friends, therapy, and knowing that I am not alone in this struggle that you need to think of it like diabetes. With medicine and behavioural changes, you WILL live a happy healthy live.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

I am trying to think of it that way. But theres a battle going on in my own mind. The negative thoughts. The what ifs. The scary things that will happen in the future. Thank you for your message. I really appreciate it.

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

Realize what you just wrote the scary things that will happen in the future. Unless you have super power the rest of us don't have, you don't know what will happen in the future. That is why it is the future. I struggle with this as well. I worry about the future, I struggle with telling myself why worry about the future, when we can't control it. Last night there was a thunderstorm, it sounded beautiful, and I though of how it is God's way of returning water and life to the Earth and what a beautiful thing. Start a gratitude list no matter how simple or small.

bonkers65 profile image
bonkers65

It got better before and it will again. And you're not alone. I feel bad too, as well as a lot of other people on this site. I hope you feel better soon.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply tobonkers65

Thank you Bonkers. It so hard to see the light at the end if the tunnel. I do t see it - if I did - could say to myself that it's getting better. Right now just doing mundane things like get to the mailbox or doing the dishes is all so much for me.

Tetelatia profile image
Tetelatia

OMG I truly relate. I'm battling depression and anxiety. Imma keep praying for you and please pray for me

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toTetelatia

Tete

I will absolutely pray for you. Every night I pray that this illness will leave my body and in my prayers I include everyone who is suffering - you are one that I know will be part of my prayers. I hope you feel better soon. I know I want my life back. This depression has Stolen everything from me. 😪

Ragdoll15 profile image
Ragdoll15

I can totally relate to you, I could have written exactly the same about my self. Depression, anxiety and the awful agoraphobia I will keep you in my prayers along with everyone else who are suffering.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toRagdoll15

Thank you ward and I will do the same. I want everyone to enjoy their lives. We are only given one. I need mine back!!!

Tealribbon profile image
Tealribbon

I am so sorry you are experiencing depression...yet again. I love the idea of the sun lamp. It will do the work for you (figuratively speaking). Turn it on and get under the light. Keep writing us here so you won't feel so isolated. And eat.....you gotta eat even if it is a PB&J.

You are not alone...u got us!!

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toTealribbon

Thank you.

I'm not working now. So I cant spend the money on a lamp. I try to go outside when the sun is out and sut in the yard. I try to walk around the yard because I am not comfortable leaving the yard. I do try and eat well. The citalopram makes me very hungry. I do not eat any sugary sweets. I eat fruit and vegetables and chicken. Plain yogurt and a banana with peanut butter is my snack. I'm trying so hard to be well again. Thank you for taking the time to write me. This is a very bad illness and I wish it would ho away for all of us!

Tealribbon profile image
Tealribbon

That's a lot of positives you are doing!! No sugars and lots of fruits and veggies and chicken. And going outside when you can . Keep writing us so you don't feel alone. I know this is very very hard.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toTealribbon

Yes. It's very difficult. I just want my life back. I cant will it back or wish it back. I'm just so tired of feeling like this and having no control over my unwell mind. I'm trying g to but it's just so hard to do.

No you can't wish it back or will it back, but slowly with time you can live a happy life. At least one month every year I go into a deep dark depression where the "what ifs" attack my my mind. What if I get cancer? What if my back never heals? What if I can't pay my bills?" But I have gotten to the point that when I go into these depressions, I think of it as a really bad case of the flu and that eventually it will run it course. But I when I get into these dark places, I know that have go for long walks to get fresh air, exercise and sunlight, I need to medidate, I need my medicine, I need my therapy . I need to journal. There were days, that the highlight of my day was having enough energry to get out of bed to shower. I found journally very helpful because on the really bad days I could at least say I did one thing, I got up and showered. Then the next day I would tell myself I would shower and mow the lawn. I told myself that I had to do these things even if I didn't want to and even if it was only a small thing, I still felt proud that I was able to do it. The fact that you are getting sunlight, and eating healthy is a great thing. You should be proud of yourself. You could have chosen to do nothing. But you got medicine, you are getting sun, you joined a support group. Do some little things special for yourself for all the good things you've already done. Doing positive things allows you to do more positive things and the clouds will slowly lift. We've all been there, you will be ok.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

I didnt see your post until now. Thank you for the encouragement. I hope your right. My life is so dark right now. I really wish it werent. I'm trying so hard. I feel helpless to this illness.

There have been at least 5 times in my life where I thought I never would get better. But keeping a diary/journal, and by writing down my fears, I have realized how wrong I was. That what Agora meant by the lies our brain tells us. Now when I have a bad panic episode, I am much better and telling myself, that "I was wrong about all my fears in the past. None of fears came true. None of fears will come true this time. I will get better just like I always do." I keep saying it until I eventually belief it. It usually takes me 1-2 months before I get out of my depression. But tend to say I would rather have 10 good months and 2 bad ones. You mentioned that are a goofy person and like to make people laugh. That person isn't gone. It is still there. If it was possible to be happy and joyful in the past, reason would state then it must also be possible to happy and joyful in the future.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Thank you shaw. I hope you are right in that I'll find myself again. I'm so lost in this dark place. I smiled yesterday for the first time in about a month. It didnt last long. But Inhope that it's a good sign. Praying it is. Can you tell me how it feels and what might happen as the depression starts to lift? The unknowns are very scary to.me. thank you so much for your help

The unknowns are scary for me too. They are scary for all of us. That is why we are here. For me, it is so nice to know I am not the only one who wakes up with panic attacks. But I also know that it is possible to live a happy life and that depression doesn't last forever. We all have commonalities, but everyone's journey is individual. For me the depression always lifts slowly and gently, like a fog. I tend to catastrophize everything. For example, my daughter had dyslexia, so she'll never do well in school, which means she will get bullied and she will never have any friends." I really liked how agora said "the what ifs are the lies our brain tells us." I have gotten better at detecting these lies and when I am catastrophizing. You will too, but everyone's timeline is different. For me, when I go into a depression, each day gets a little better until one day, I'll be cooking dinner and I"ll realize I went all day without worrying. That's when I know I am out of it again. But I have learned over 5 years, I MUST excercise, walk use a sun lamp, take my medication, mediate and journal. And to stay active. When I just want to stay home and sleep, I force myself to get back into my routine as soon as I can. Easier said then done. But the sooner I get back into my routine, the easier it is for me to realize all the bad things that I expected to happen never did. Keep it up. You are on the right path

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

You just brought tears to my eyes. I always catasrophize. I was able to sleep 6 hours last night. I'm trying g to walk 2500 steps a day. Although I have not been able to leave the yard, I am still trying. Thank you for the encouragement. I read all these stories of people never coming out of depression and it's very scary and I dont want that to be me - ir anyone. I again am so thankful for your message of hope. Seems like that's what I have been living on right now.

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

A couple of things, I am doing pretty well right now and getting better every day. As part of my staying healthy, I participate in this online forum as it reminds me what I need to do to stay happy and healthy and share what I have learned with others and I learn a lot from others.

Second, when we are in depression, sometimes people post "it will never end. " That is a lie our brain tells us. But in reality, depression does end with psychotherapy, medication, and changing your thinking. But many people don't come back and post that they are over their depression and things are better. It is like you go to the doctor cause you have the flu but you don't go back to your doctor to tell him that the flu is gone.

The fact the you walked 2500 steps is AWESOME! Celebrate that achievement. Exercise releases natural serotonin and endorphins, which will make easier to smile more. Keep it up. Do something special for yourself tonight. Give yourself a hug, call a friend. Watch your favorite comedy.

FYI, I keep a journal because when I am in a depression, I write things like "it is always going to be this bad, or my kids are never going to have friends." Then months later when I go back and read them, I laugh outloud at how ridiculous my thoughts were. All my bad predictions never came true. It is makes it easier for me the next time when I have an episode to remind myself all my catastrophing was wrong in the past and it will wrong in the future too. It makes it easier to pull myself out or to prevent myself from falling back. You'll do it. Just one day at a time.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Shaw

Thank you.

I try to walk 2500 steps a day in the yard. I really havent gone anywhere - agoraphobia has set in a bit. It did last bout as well.

I have not really been able to have conversation in a little over a month. I find it hard to hold conversations.

I do write in my journal and make lists of accomplishments everyday.

I like what you said about people coming out of their depression and the fact that they dont come back here to talk about it.

I wish that more people would. Although I understand that they likely dont want to look backwards.

I'm trying very hard. I smiled last night for the first time in about a month. It didnt last long- but I hope that's a sign that the meds are starting to work.

I will include you in my prayers for continued recovery. Thank you again for your help. Total strangers helping others is a Godsend.

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

Thank you for your prayers. I know panic attacks and agoraphobia suck. We all know. They really really suck. But there is one very bright side to having panic disorder. When they stop, and they do stop, we appreciate the world better than other people. Last night I was playing on the floor with my son, and we were both smiling and having fun. I appreciated it all the more because, I know the pain of panic attacks. So I absoluted treasured that moment last night. Others who don't know the pain take moments like those for granted. "Pain is the thing that cracks the shell, that encloses our understanding." Khalil Gibran. As our capacity for sadness deepness so does our capacity to see joy and wonder. Many many people take for granted the beauty and joy in the world. People with panic attack don't.

Hi, Need2feelbetter

My heart goes out to you and all you're dealing with. And all that you have gone through as well. I've experienced a very dark depression (in my early twenties) which felt like I had detached from reality. All the energy and joy was sucked out of me too. I truly believed I would be stuck there forever. But little by little, God delivered me out of it. And I thank Him for not allowing me (protecting me) to ever go back there again.

I have, however, lived with severe anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. For twenty-some years. Agoraphobia is avoidance behavior, a lifestyle I have made, including others, because of not wanting to go anywhere, or be around certain people or big crowds, that could trigger a panic attack. Panic attacks are terrifying and make us feel out of control, which is why we try to "avoid" a place, situation or certain people/crowds that can set off the flight or fight response. The cortisol and adrenaline too. Not to mention the chaotic thoughts.

So yes, you are not alone. Thank God for this website. Everyone who has commented on your post truly understands you. Even those you haven't met, understand you too. We may have different levels of anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, and other illnesses--like autoimmune, diabetes, etc--but we can all relate somehow.

I will keep you in my daily prayers as well. May God's comfort, peace, protection, strength, and courage fill you from the inside out. From the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. And may He deliver and heal you in every way.

Blessings in abundance to you, like-minded soul.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toJourney2Wholeness

Journey

I'm not sure I saw your response until now. I thank you so very much for keeping me in your prayers. This is a wretched illness - as are many of them. I wouldnt wish this on anyone. I'm in my 4th bout of depression and I got out of the other 3. I pray I will this one too. Dear God, I hope your listening!

Every night I pray for everyone who's going through depression and anxiety and ask him to help us all. I just really want my life back. My world has become small and theres so much life out there. I want to live it!

God willing.

Please keep in touch. Thank you Journey so very much.

Journey2Wholeness profile image
Journey2Wholeness in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

Of course! You are very welcome. :)

I am praying for you and others in this community every day. And I will keep in touch, encouraging as I'm able to.

I know you feel alone, and maybe you are physically, but you're not in other ways. The anxiety, exhaustion, and pain was hard to deal with over the past three days, but I'm getting better little by little. And I HOPE you are too. Thank you for praying on behalf of all of us as well. Every friendship, encouragement and support is much appreciated.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toJourney2Wholeness

Journey

Thank you again. I will continue to pray as well.

Yes I feel alone. It's a lonely illness. And nobody really understands unless they have been through it or are goi g through it. I wish this on nobody. I wish nobody had to know this pain and feelings of despair and hopelessness.

I'm tired of feeling this way. Do you have depression and anxiety?

How are you doing? Getting your steps in? Hope you are feeling better.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Shaw

Thank very much for messaging me. It came right on time for me.

I have been trying to get my steps in. Although today is very hot and humid. So I may not be able to as much.

I'm feeling quite odd today. It's hard to put into words. I feel like I am not grounded. I'm scared about how it will feel if and when "normalcy" returns. I think I've been unhappy and unwell for longer than I realized and I dont even know how to live without anxiety, depression, irritability, etc. So I'm scared to feel settled. I dont think this makes sense to me because a person should want to feel happy and well- yet it's the unknowns. The what ifs. Have you any experience with this or any advice.

My biggest accomplishment today is being able to shower without complete panic. I was at a 5/6. These small things seem so small. But it's something, I'm thinking -?

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

These feelings might be side effect of the medicine. It is so hard to tell. I kept a detailed journal of what I took and what time. For example, I found out I was allergic to xanax. When I took it, it really calmed me down, but when it wore off I was way more anxious each time. There were days were I couldn't get out of bed. So take each small victory you can and your circle will expand just like 1947 treble said. But it won't happen over night. Trust that there is meaning in suffering. You are growing in empathy and can share how you feel with so many of us who have felt the same way. The worst was feeling alone. When this all started 5 years ago, I hid my panic attacks from friends and family and wife. Now, they all know. But they don't know how it feels like to have a panic attack. For me it is nice to know I am not the only one with this medical and psychological issue and that with medication and cognitive therapy, it can be treated. Keep it up!

1947treble profile image
1947treble

I can somewhat relate. My problems may have been less severe but it similarly took over my life. I was terrified often for no reason. Daily life seemed painful. I felt undescribably distraught at the slightest task. It took a long time of progress, but i have improved drastically over the past few years. I can be around people and do anything typical life requires. I've gone to concerts, pro baseball games, been on plane trips by myself. It was rough going and a huge challenge to myself.... But it's possible. Very little separates me from most people. It was from working my way back to wellness after trauma, getting better mental health treatment, and some tricks I've learned over time that cheer me up atleast a bit. I hope your condition improves, and don't forget that better times will come if you persevere.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2

Treble

Thank you for your message. Just last summer I was ata concert. 2 years ago I traveled on a plane. Day trips with friends, etc. My world has gotten so small and I hope the citalopram really starts to kick in. I really miss my life. And I want it back !!

shawshankredemention profile image
shawshankredemention in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

I forgot to mention sometimes the time of day you take your medication can affect your mood. Do you feel the same all day long or is there a time of day that is better. I used to take 20 mg of lexapro right before bed, but it where off by the next evening and I would anxious. Now, I split my dose 10 mg in the evening and 10 mg in morning seems to work much better for me.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Shaw

I take my citalopram at 9:30 a.m.

Evenings are my calmest time. I originally started to take the citalopram at night and the anxiety was uncontrollable. I was up 39 hours straight with incredible horrible anxiety. Pacing, twitching. Couldnt sit still, racing thoughts, couldnt breath, etc.

Mornings are my hardest time of day. Highest anxiety in the morning. Then it comes and hoes throught the day and mixes with depressed feelings. I just pray that I'll be myself soon. I'm in the middle of week 7 now and I feel a hair better.

Dreamer468 profile image
Dreamer468

Dont lose your hope...... you have made this far with these mental tortures. It shows still how strong you are. The sad truth is this will your life. It doesn't mean that your life is bad. You may have problems on enjoying life as others. last time I went to my doctor, he said "dont be worried of the reason that you are different. It doesn't mean your life is bad. You are different from others. You are unique, you are you.

About your parents and locality's advices...... dont get angry of the reason why your parents are saying that way. Because the truth is that they are giving you advice from their point of view, plus they dont know or understand about your problems because that's how it is..... if you feel like angry, dont put it through your parents, just tell them how you feel, it won't work that easily, but soon they might understand..... About locality, fuck them.... they say so may rubbish without knowing what we are facing and going through. Just ignore them.....live by your rules.. that's it!!!!!

How are things going? I hope that you see all the postive thoughts and message people are sending your way. You are not alone, our illness makes us feel alone, but we never are. It is hard but when we look outside of our depression we see that there were people there all along hoping, helping, and praying for us.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Hi Shaw

I'm doing a sliver better with some of the anxiety. I was able to walk down the street a little further than last week.. The depression is still here and I'm feeling very low. I really want to feel better and I'm trying very hard. I still feel very lonely in this illness - it's a very lonely feeling. I'm at day 23 of my increased dose of medication _ citalopram of 30 mg. I hope it's starting to work. It feels like it might be a little. Some places I read that its 4-6 weeks for them to work. Some say 6-8 and some say 8-12 weeks. I'm not sure what is correct. Some people say its 4-6 weeks from the time you find the correct dosage. Do you have an opinion on this or a sone reading this? Or can you tell me what your experience has been? I know everyone is different. But since I'm at nearly 8

weeks from an initial.low start up it makes me feel like I'm way behind. Which only makes the anxiety and depression worse.

Thank you for your message Shaw. Any encouragement you can share with me to keep me moving forward would truly be appreciated, more than you can imagine.

Or anyone who's reading this ! Please send encouragement my way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I had the flu. My own experience is yes, when in you are in your depression it is a lonely illness. In the early years, I hid it from my wife, friends, and family because I didn't want them to think different of me. I wanted them to see me as the amazing great guy I was. I realized that but isolated myself, it made it harder. My friends and family were a great resource I wasn't tapping into. I thought they all have it together, they won't understand. I guarantee that if you open up to other about your struggles, everyone else will tell you about their struggles too. Then you wont' feel so alone. So first, make sure you reach out to friends and family. Second medication does help, it does take 4 to 8 weeks. The dosage matter and when you take it matters, as well as they type of medication. Xanax which works for most people, made me suicidal. Prozac as ok, but the medication that really works for me know is escitalopram. Everyone is different you just have be patient and persistent with your medications. It will take awhile to find one that works for you. That is why third, keep a daily journal of your medications, when you take them, and the dosage and how you feel throughout the day. That is how i realized the xanax was causing suicidal thoughts, because they occured at the same time everyday, when the xanax wore off. Again everyone's metabolism is different so don't judge a medication by another person's story. Xanax works for most people. Fourth, exercise. It is the body's natural antidepressant.

I am proud of you that you walked further down the road then yesterday. I know what the feels like. When I am in a bad place, I used to be proud of myself for just showering. The fact that you are trying tells me that you will eventually feel better again. I worry when people give up or say that nothing will ever work. I know it is a lonely disease, but joining this site has really helped me because I finally found a place where there are other people who know exactly how I feel. Hang in there, you are on the right path and I proud of your progess.

You are in my prayers.

How are you doing? Has the medication helped? Are making sure to get outside and exercise? I hope you are doing well and sending positive thoughts your way.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Hi Shaw

Thank you for your message. The medication seems to be finally helping. I'm by no means out of the woods. But in a better place than when I first posted. Thanking g Hod for that, everyday. I have been walking in the neighborhood and beginning to have energy to do things around the house.

This has been an incredibly difficult journey.

How are you doing? I hope you are doing better too !

The last few weeks have been stressful, I am tired of helping my kids each day with homework, tired of cooking dinner and cleaning up, tired of getting the kids out the door in the morning for school. I have been feeling a breakdown coming on and I didn't listen to my body. Halloween put me over the top. This morning I couldn't go to work today. I feel like I failed my family, I started having minor panic attacks. I feel unappreaciated when it seems like I do everything. But my wife did put all the kids to bed last night and she got them all dressed and out the door on her own. I don't give her enough credit. I step in too fast. Unfortunately I have to have a breakdown to get to the point where I step back. I have to be kinder to myself and realize tomorrow will be another day. I just want to be the "perfect" parent and that's the problem. It is hard realize that good mental health is a journal with ups and downs and set backs. Remember what works and what doesn't. It is a hard journey but you are not alone. I cut back my medication and think that was part of the problem.

Haven't heard from you in awhile. How are you doing?

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toshawshankredemention

Hi Shaw

I'm getting a little better a little at a time each day. I hope you are feeling better as well.

I had drafted a response to your last message and I dont see it here. Perhaps I didnt hit send! I understand everything you said in your last message and can relate. It's been a bit since you posted that. How are you doing today?

Yes u feel you 100%. Stop waiting for god because he will never come.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply to

That quite a thing to say! Not helpful..

Sorry it is has so long. It has been very busy at work and busy with the kids. I have been trying to spend more time meditating because I know that when I am stressed from work and the kids and get less sleep. When I get less sleep I am more susceptible to anxiety. I am really trying to be proactive so that i don't have panic attacks and feel depressed.

My mantra as of late is "I am not in control of what happens to me...... but I am in control of how I respond." Hope you are doing well. It is great to go back and read your first posts and see the progress you've made. Keep it up.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2

Hi Shaw

Nice to hear from you !!!

I'm glad to hear you're meditating. I've yet to be able to do that. But its a goal of mine.

I'd like to tell you about a great tool/outlet/group. I'm not sure if you have Facebook or not.

But, I have found a great group of people through a man named Dennis Simsek. He has a page called The Anxiety Guy.

He also has amazing podcasts and fantastic videos on you tube.

Hes not the typical b.s. money grabbing anxiety- guru. His group is fantastic. Its comprised of folks who are truly dedicated to finding the root of our anxiety and healing.

The group isnt a bunch of people looking for assurance, but instead looking to heal and recover.

I think you and anyone else here that is serious about becoming whole again, would really benefit. I've been part of the group for a couple of months and I truly find it healing

Eventually many folks become a part of the private group that is filled with warriors. ( Those of us who support each other and grow).

Check it out if you can. If anything, check out his you tube videos and pod casts.

I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season.

Please keep in touch !

CroixNoire profile image
CroixNoire

I relate so much to you. Through my years of fighting depression, I just accepted and I learned something: happiness isn’t a destination place, it comes in the unlikeliest of times and we should learn to notice and remember that moment because I, well I don’t know if I speak for others... but we tend to focus on the negative moments and those little happy moments seem to vanish. It’s important to understand that being ok or fine doesn’t mean being happy 24/7.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toCroixNoire

Spot on Croix.

My depression and anxiety is lifting now. Thankglfully. Im doing just that. Foxusing on the positive and wonderful moments. Hatd to do when youre ill. But, letting the negative consume me is a major part of why thecillness took me over again to begin with. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I wish you as many happy and positive moments as possible !!

CroixNoire profile image
CroixNoire in reply toNeed2feelbetter2

It was no problem listening to you. I wish you the best.

Need2feelbetter2 profile image
Need2feelbetter2 in reply toCroixNoire

Thank you so much !!

How are you doing? It is a good sign that you said that letting the negative consume you is a major part of the why illness took over. I have found that the same with me. But now the struggle becomes to viligiant in watching those thoughts to make sure they don't come back. Meditation has been helpful to remind that thoughts come and go both good and bad and that no thought is permenant. Continue to do the hard work of exercise, medication, meditation, journaling. Do not become complacent and think that you are "cured". You can be "cured" in the sense of doing all the right things to keep you on the right path. I.E. If you have diabetes, and give up sugar and exercise and you diabetes goes away, it doesn't mean you are cured and go back to eating sugar. Hope you are still doing well. and if you haven't answer some other peoples posts on how you have journeyed to better health and encourage them to keep it up.

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