struggling

[css416]

Lately, I've been struggling. My dad passed away in April. I started to do therapy in June or July and I stopped going recently. My mom isn't making any of this easier. She drinks every night, and I'm worried she's letting alcohol start to control her life. She brings guys over most nights and her excuse is "I thought you were going to sleep". It really pains me to see her bring guys over because I know she's not over the death of my dad, as they were married for twenty years. Because of her bring guys over, I feel like she doesn't have a right to be able to complain that shes upset. I know its wrong. We get into arguments every night. One night it was really bad and I told her if a guy comes over that I was going to leave, she told me that if I left, I would have to eventually return, and I wouldn't like it when I did. A guy did turn up coming over, and I went to a friends house for an hour or so. We got into another bad argument and I told her I didn't want to live with her anymore. I still don't want to. I feel like she isn't there for me, and is always drinking. It feels like I not only lost my dad, but I emotionally lost my mom. I feel emotionally neglected because she won't even talk to me and when I try and have a conversation she always ends up making it an argument. I have a problem with reaching out for help so I don't think I could ask if I could stay with a friend for a while. I'm at a loss and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to go from here. I really don't want to stay with my mom, but I have nowhere else to go, and I could really use some help.

[Mary-intussuception]

Deepest Sympathy on your loss of your Precious Dad.

So sorry for what you are going through.

Not sure where you are USA / UK ? But have you considered emergency accommodation via a Domestic Abuse Organisation / Charity. Is there any Centre near you? Have you Googled this ? You could seek their ongoing support also.

Do you have a Church or Chapel nearby - have you considered speaking to a Minister / Pastor. Are there any Accommodation Shelters the Church can put you in touch with.

Did a Minister lead your Dad's service? Could you ask that person for a follow up visit as you are struggling and your Mother is in a bad way (explain if you wish)?

As it's Sunday - could you get to Church or Chapel this morning?

God Bless and sustain you through this dreadful, traumatic time xXx

[css416 in reply to Mary-intussuception]

thank you, I stopped going to church since april but I only went on wednesday nights. I might go this week though.

[Hidden]

Does she have friends ?? Could you talk to one of them? Could you go to therapy again and ask your therapist to help by bringing her into a session. ? That way she’d have to address it from a starting point if it’s about you she may be more likely to want to go and maybe the therapist can suggest things to do to both of you. She’s a mess & needs help

[hypercat54]

Hi I am so sorry about your poor dad and I know you are all grieving in your own way. I am wondering how old you are and whether you are in a position to move away from home yet? x

[css416 in reply to hypercat54]

I’m not old enough to move out but I’m going out of state for college in a year or so

[hypercat54 in reply to css416]

I presume you are 16 or over then? x

[css416 in reply to hypercat54]

yeah

[fauxartist]

I know your hurting, and I'm so sorry for your loss.....and your mothers grief is consuming her, she is doing all the things people who are in great pain often do to try and get some releif from it.....the drinking and the sex has nothing to do with you, but it certainly does effect you. If your old enough....I would possibly seek another place to live, because you cannot let your mothers grief destroy you as well. There is so much here emotionally for you, it can feel like your mother is betraying you and your father...but this really is her problem to work through, and it has nothing to do with you. Nothing you do or say is going to change her,she does not need the added judgement right now, it's like gas on a fire. She has to make these choices for herself, and until she does so.....you have to find a way to live your life.