I currently live with 3 other roommates. We all have various mental illnesses and it's been hard for all of us as of late. 3/4 of us go to therapy, medicate, and are taking steps to try to improve our situation, but one of us is lagging a bit. She has borderline personality disorder and she gets really aggressive sometimes and gets really angry about small things and doesn't ever want to communicate her grievances until it's too late. I do not resent her at all, I know that it's not her-it's her mental illness-but the three of us are becoming exhausted and worn down trying to deal with/help her. She does not currently take medication and has not seemed to make any effort to do so, or at least go to counseling. I don't know what to do at this point... I am often on the verge of suicide myself and it is really hard to put my problems aside to try to help someone that isn't helping themselves, however I do not want to ostracize her for fear of her not being able to take care of herself, spiraling, and ending up where I am mentally. I love her and I feel for her, I really really do, but it's wearing me down mentally and emotionally and physically. I am afraid to come home sometimes. Does anyone know how I can encourage her to help us help her? She does not do well with confrontation, no matter how calm and understanding I am (which I always am).
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florapeace
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Do you live on campus? Or in college organised housing? I'm in the UK but I believe you have room monitors or something there? If so talk to them or the College.
Failing this I would get together with the other 2 flatmates and tackle the problem. You can be very kind but firm and state she either has to stop her behaviour or go to therapy and think about meds as well. You can explain that she is dragging the rest of you down and you can't allow that. It's all very sad but at the end of the day you can't sacrifice your health for the sake of someone else no matter how much you love them.
We all live in an off-campus house! Not organized by our college at all, we don’t even all go to school. I had a calm and organized talk with her twice before and she doesn’t seem to be putting in any effort on her end... I guess maybe it’s just waiting it out until our lease ends. 🤷🏾♀️
Well you need to do it again but decide beforehand what you are all willing to accept and lay down some conditions for continuing to live there. Such as she gets some help immediately or she leaves. You have to be firm and not leave the options open.
I don't think we would be able to kick her out, though... she doesn't mind being hated and her name is on the lease so I don't think we really have the authority to evict her. Thank you so much for your help though! I think we will have another chat, and maybe it's time for us to be a bit less understanding and a bit more assertive.
It's definitely time to be more assertive. Do you all have separate leases? If so talk to the landlord/lady about her. Meanwhile see if you have a friend who would take the lease over.
I know someone like that and I believe she has borderline personality disorder,and Im currently trying to help her bid for a council flat--unfortuneatly ,your flat person appears to be the same inasmuch as she hates other people and knows when to behave,but when she flares up about anything she cannot see that she is in the wrong---I have known her for about 11yrs and as much as I want to sever ties ,ect ect...but I hope she takes on board what is said to her as no one else would help ---you have indeed got a major problem ,I wish you well.!!
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