I’m in the worst place

[Librarylibra]

I am in the worst place. I like this guy. I have for awhile. We texted everyday and chatted for hours on the phone, then we finally met. (Btw I don’t date often because of my anxiety and sometimes my depression doesn’t allow me to.) Well it was amazing. We had a great time. Great chemistry etc. After we continued to text and talk, then work and previous personal commitments got crazy for him. Well I couldn’t quite handle sitting in the anxiety of not knowing when we were going to see each other again or where we were actually at, so I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. This lasted a little over a month and we started talking again regularly. Still a great connection. We both realized there’s something clearly here. We decided that we were going to get together again when he came back from a work trip. Well, on this work trip he went really silent. I was anxious. I felt something was off. He came back, something was still off. He said he had a stomach bug. Well he finally told me after a few days that while he was gone he found out that this woman he had gone out on one Tinder date with when we had stopped talking, is pregnant. He said he was so confused. She wants a relationship. She wants them to be a family. He said he doesn’t know her at all. They have never talked like he and I had. He also said that he can’t not try to date her and get to know her. If it works it works. He can’t tell their kid that he didn’t even try with their mom. I totally understand that, I do. But we haven’t stopped talking and texting. I care so much about him. I think about him all the time. I love the way he makes me feel. Our connection is so different than anything I’ve ever had. I want to let him try with her but I don’t want to give him up, like I said, I’m in the worst place. I’m sick to my stomach with an anxiety. I’m having trouble eating and sleeping. My depression is telling me constantly that I am wrong, bad, not good enough, I made a mistake not talking to him for that time, I’m a loser, I’ll never find anyone else. I am struggling.

[Hidden]

Hey you in the worst place...where so many of us have been. You know that you will get through this maelstrom of negative thoughts because you know they are lies you tell yourself and maybe unwittingly feed this latest depression.

Be as kind and loving to your self as you are or want to be to this man, who has found himself in a dilemma. Be as generous to yourself as you are being to them....to let him try with her...not your call btw.

Let go. Mend your aching heart. Don’t stay long in the worst place because it never works, no matter how much you reason.

Find the strength and the resolve to let go and remember what is yours will come to you. Believe me there are lots of lovely experiences and love for you around the next corner. I know I’m probably not saying what you want to hear. Whatever you decide to do I wish you well.

[hypercat54]

Well all is fair in love and war so I would pursue this friendship and it might turn into love. Long gone are the days when a man had to marry a woman he had made pregnant.

I would just be friends for now and have fun and see what happens. x

[Dolphin14]

I may not say what you want to hear either.

But he sounds like a player to me.

Please be careful. Obviously I could be totally wrong.

Just my opinion.

[argh52]

Man that's rough. I'm so sorry. What horrible luck.

I just want to remind you that the inability to feel hope about the future is one of the main symptoms of our disease. As terrible as this is, it's also a reminder that you are capable of making that kind of special connection with another human being.

[Kat63]

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

This will sound like “tough love” but my advice to you is this: Don’t get into a triangle. It could go on for years and it will be nothing but horrible pain. I’m speaking from experience.

Tell this man to do what he has to do, and not to contact you again until he is completely single and willing to date you exclusively.

If you do this, it will hurt. A lot. You’ll have to go through it.

But once you have gotten past it, you won’t be in terrible pain anymore. If this relationship is meant to work out, it will; and you will be stronger and healthier because you didn’t spend emotional energy on him before he was ready to give back.

[SheWrote]

First of all, I am so very sorry for this situation. It is a very difficult one for sure. But, I just want to tell you how amazing it is that you are encouraging this guy to pursue this relationship. I believe that is the honorable and kind thing to do, even if you might lose him in the end. You are so much stronger than you realize. You should be so proud of yourself.

Anxiety and depression are often set into motion by triggers. It seems your triggers might be being alone, without someone to love you. Maybe there is a way to remedy that, by believing you will be okay no matter what. In fact start telling yourself that and see if there is a shift. you will be okay! Like I said, you are so much stronger than you know and you are so loved! HUGS!