Depression and anxiety with PTSD feeling overwhelmed

[Dragon13]

Hello , I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for over 30 years now and I have PTSD from a shooting i was in , but lately it's been worse , I barely eat I don't sleep I'm always worried , on top of that when my mom passed away I became my autistic brother's caretaker I feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I just feel like giving up no one understands I can't just shut it off I'm trying so hard but I can't , I have no one here to support me or talk to me im sorry if I'm bothering yall I just had nowhere else to turn

[North123]

I understand completely. Ive also had anxiety and depression for over 30 yrs . im sorry you're feeling like this. Life can be difficult at times.. Im takin g care of my mom my dad passed away in march .. Not easy being a caregiver.. If u need to talk im here..

[Dragon13 in reply to North123]

Thank you so much it's been so hard , I really appreciate your kind words , my mom passed away in March a week before my birthday, it's been almost 3 years now people tell me I should over it but I haven't even had a chance to grieve the next thing I know I'm my brothers caretaker , I didn't know where to turn for some support I felt so alone , thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Dragon13]

I don’t know if it’s ever possible to “get over” losing a parent. That’s one of the hardest things in life. Be patient with yourself. You need to take the time you need to heal. There’s no time limit.

[Wishingforpeace]

My goodness. It’s not surprising it’s gotten worse. You have taken on a lot for any one person to deal with and to have PTSD on top of all that is really rough and then to lose a parent too. Yikes! I would strongly suggest some group therapies and/or counseling one-on-one to start. They can be a great source for support to begin with. I’m hearing more and more about mindfulness and meditation. Controlling your breathing and practicing pushing all those overwhelming thoughts out of your head is a huge challenge but once you can start doing comfortably, I really hope you start to feel some peace. Sending hugs!

[Dragon13 in reply to Wishingforpeace]

Thank you very much for the hug i really needed that and thx for understanding and the advice, but unfortunately my situation with being my brothers caretaker won't let me leave the house for to long , I'm afraid if I do leave for to long he'll go off and destroy more of my house or have the cops hauling him in or worse hurt my dog , I've been doing the breathing exercises, the last time I had a breakdown this bad was when my mom passed away , I really need to see a therapist or psychotherapst but unfortunately I can't but a friend of mine on fb told me there were online support groups ,I liked the replies and all the support i saw on this one , I was actually surprised when I started getting support and that I wasn't alone and there are others that are going through what I'm going through and then some I'm so thankful for the replies and understanding I haven't really talked to anyone about how bad my anxiety and depression was and how it was triggering my PTSD , I was embarrassed to tell people thank you so much for just being here and answering my post

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Dragon13]

I completely understand. I often don’t tell new people I meet about my anxiety because I find many people who don’t understand mental health, end up labeling me “that mentally unstable girl” which never helps. Finding people who can relate to your struggles is truly key. No one should have to go through this stuff alone.

[Dragon13 in reply to Wishingforpeace]

Thank you for being so understanding, it was hard to talk about what im going through I was afraid I was going to be made fun of it wouldn't be the first time , I'm glad I did open up because tbh I don't know how much longer I could kept going , every day I just got closer and closer to giving up that's how bad I was I'm glad I found yall I can't begin to thank you all enough

[KMarti19 in reply to Dragon13]

Hi there. I hope you can get out some. We all need people that is for sure... could you try to see if there’s anyone who would stay with your brother while you go to the counseling ? I pray you are getting alone little better!

[Dragon13 in reply to KMarti19]

Thanks for praying for me ,yeah I'm doing a little better , and it's because of the wonderful people I met here , for a long time i thought I was alone but I'm not I found people who have been through what I'm going through, having depression and anxiety along PTSD is horrible I wouldn't wish that on anyone , now I know that if my depression ,anxiety and PTSD are getting bad again I got somewhere to turn , you guys and gals are awesome I can't begin to thank you enough I'll always be in your debt for saving my life

[Want2BHappy3]

You don't mention counciling? If you don't, you should? That's wonderful that your caring for your autistic brother instead of putting him in a home. I know it's difficult my brother has 2 autistic kids that he's responsible for. That can take a toll on you. Is there anyone that can help you?

[Dragon13 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

No it's just me most of my family has passed away , as for counseling I can barely leave my house to buy food , he'll go off and have a huge meltdown I've been through that so many times , now I don't even bother trying to leave , my depression, anxiety and PTSD I don't think would be as bad if I wasn't his soul caretaker , tbh theres been times I've wanted to have him committed but it's so hard to do that , that means trips back and forth to the courthouse and since I never filed paperwork that says I'm his legal guardian and or caretaker , my only other option would be to just kick him out and I couldn't do that he wouldn't survive , to make it even worse I've been really sick and I can't go and see a dr

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Dragon13]

Sounds like you're in a no win situation? You should look into having a counselor come to your home? My cousin has a counselor that comes to his home. You can't keep going on like this, as difficult as it may seem? You might have to have him re-homed? Things can only get worse and he might end up re-homed anyway if you end up in the hospital? There are organization that can probably help you? Don't give up, it's Not going to be easy, but will benefit you and your brother in the long run. Keep reaching Out.

[Dragon13 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I can't let him be taken away I made a promise to my mom on her death bed that I'd take care of him and i never break a promise , I don't wanna let her down I know she's watching me I loved and still love her enough to keep my word besides how much he's trashed my house I'd be embarrassed to let anyone in

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Dragon13]

That's alot of pressure making a promise to especially your mom her death bed, that's honorable of you to want to keep your Promise, but sometimes Life can get in the way, things can come up that you will Not have any control over, Gurantee this is going to take a toll on your health as it did me, I had to retire early from work, my brother with the 2 autistic kids talked about being on the edge. If something happens to you, the state would step in and take control from you, then who knows what will happen to him. You Never want the state to get involved with your personal life. You have to somehow dig Deep down and get Control of the situation? Talk to a attorney? Just accepting the situation as it is, is not going to go away?

[Dragon13 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Yeah I know , but my health has been bad for awhile , I tried hiring an attorney but I can't afford it I'm on disability , most of the time I can keep my disorders under control , but recently I haven't been able to get them back into control , it's kinda hard to explain but everyone of them were at their peek I tried everything but I couldn't get out of it , I was posting on fb that was when my fb friend saw my suicide post and she talked to me for hours, she told me about online support groups of course I was a lil skeptical , but when I looked through em all this one popped out at me , I'm so glad I found this one , I really love the advice , the understanding and the compassion yall show , you didn't judge me you just listened to me and that meant so much I wish I could pay yall back somehow

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Dragon13]

Is there any legal aid where you are? Can you reach out to a PSW who can assist you with your brother to allow you some down time? Taking care of someone with autism can be extremely challenging from what I have been told by my coworker who’s 26 year old daughter has autism. It’s so important to find time for you. You can’t put someone else’s oxygen mask on before you put on your own remember? If you’re not well, you can’t help others. I know it sounds selfish and I struggle with it too but you have to put yourself first. No one else can do what you need for you better than you.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Dragon13]

Glad we could help, I wish only the Best for you, I'll pray 🙏

[Dragon13 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thank you so much I can use all the prayers I can get , but tbh my prayers have been answered I found an awesome support group

[Dragon13]

This is Texas and Texas really dosnt care about the mentally ill here , you gotta basically jump through hoops and hope u get lucky , he was going to an adult day care but he ruined that by fighting with the staff now no adc will take him I know I need to take care of myself but I'll be ok , as long as he's on his meds and he dr refills them he's good but she's a horrible dr.she only sees him once a month and then she only gives him a shot , when he has his meltdowns and goes off its because he doesn't have his meds , thats when he triggers my depression and anxiety , and then my PTSD gets lonely and decides to jump in and make things worse

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Dragon13]

Just read this, one of my brothers kids can have violent tendencies, he almost re-homed him but changed his mind. I spend time with my niece, I take her places, feel bad that I can't take my nephew, his behavior is iffy? He's about 6'3 300lbs, if he became violent I wouldn't be able to control him I'm 64. He can only come to family events if my brother accompanies him, he would know better how to handle him and what triggers him? I live in California their the opposite of Texas, we have clinics here their called Ability to Pay, they charge based on your income. My daughter had major surgery and paid Nothing she was unemployed at the time.

[taos57]

I certainly hear you and have such empathy for you. I have constant anxiety, and I have been hit, recently, with the ptsd I have had in 30+ years which has thrown me into a deep depression. It is very hard to cope with and being housebound does not help at all. I am raising a teenage grandson which does not tie me to the house like your brother does for you, but I still feel so trapped sometimes. I do not get to choose what my life situation is but rather I have to live the life that is most beneficial for my wonderful grandson, who I love with all my heart. I am able to get out of the house and I wish there was a way for you to do that. Even just to grab a cup of coffee somewhere, or library, park, nature center, anywhere to break the boredom and isolation. Is your brother on medicaid...maybe you could get him a part time care giver just to give you a break for a couple of hours. I absolutely know what it is like to be stuck at home filled with anxiety, sadness, and the overwhelming feelings of ptsd. My heart goes out to you and I send my love and prayers.

[Gentlespirit12345]

I totally understand where your coming from. When my ptsd is triggered and or i feel overwhelmed by my depression i have to stop what I'm doing and ask what do i abs olutely have to do and what can i do without. My mind and emotions need some time to recover or my body will rebel and let me know if I'm not taking care of myself and I'll start to unravel. Take care of yourself first and there are support groups for autistic families. Ask if your insurance will cover some caregiver services so you can get a break. Listen to some music.