What's the point

[Axem]

I always give 100%, kids, husband, career. Never get the same! I feel alone and worthless. I do not really have a support system and have been depressed for awhile now. When I talk to my husband or kids they get defensive and hurt me by placing the blame of my unhappiness at my feet even though I have put them before my self for 18 years. How do I put myself first and not feel guilty?

[OnlyTheLonely]

I am not 100 % sure that I have an answer, but rest assured, you are not alone. I feel the same way. The only way my kids even talk to me anymore is when they get what they want. I wish i knew how to break free from this. I wish you luck. Reach out to me if you need a friend.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Just do it gradually your kids must be nearly grown up now they don't need you as much so little by little do things you want to do you have no reason to feel guilty

[Hidden]

You need to feel fulfilled in your own right. It is a waste of time blaming your kids and husband as there is no fault except your family have been spoiled by your attention and take you for granted. You have to look after yourself by pampering yourself or doing something you would like to try. Even digital photography can be time consuming and absorbing. Enjoying your kids company as they grow up is all important even shopping for new clothes . You share their happiness and enjoy things you like. What it is to be a loving and caring mum! They need you and know you would not want to put a cloud over them for the rest of their lives. Hope you can get help from medication and check your general health as if you feel tired and out of sorts you can feel over emotional and overt react. Can speak from experience. Take care .

[Hidden]

The number one thing women do is lose themselves in their family. I see it everyday with my sister and posts on this site where women say that they feel neglected. Start finding yourself again!

[ScrapQueenJenn]

I can relate. I felt like my life was meaningless. I thought about suicide a lot but would never do it. My recent journey that got me here was because I sent my husband an email. Not the right way to do it I know but I have trouble getting my feelings out when someone interrupts me with their thoughts. Anyway, I noticed he was looking at other women. Just photos of attractive celebrities. Nothing like porn and not very often. Most women would overlook it. It's just a man being a man. But he was doing it while I sat right next to him and sometimes in bed. I have always had low self esteem and he knows how deeply just him looking hurts me. He suffers from anxiety and depression as well. I knew he did but never knew how bad because he never told me. He had so much anxiety at work that when home he would zone out. He would go exercise because that made him happy but we never go anywhere together or do anything. I literally got my first vacation in 25 years of marriage this last November. My older kids (still home) would stay in their rooms. I felt like I no longer mattered and that my job was to keep everyone happy. Not long after that email he went to work and then disappeared. He left his phone at home and left the bathroom a mess (very unlike him). I emailed his work email and asked if we could meet for lunch because I felt like there were a few things we could try to get out of this together. He said no, that we should not be together anymore and that he would be meeting with his boss to either quit or downgrade his position. First, you should know that I have had nightmares since we have been together (25 years) and it is always about him leaving me or cheating on me. So his email broke me. I later saw a text from his boss saying he missed that meeting. Long story short, he went for a long walk on the beach in his work clothes. After reporting him missing, the police brought him home to me around 1:30am. He had hoped that since he had not eaten or drank anything in a couple days that the walk would kill him. I took him to the ER to be Baked Acted and he was in a hospital for a couple weeks. Then did a 6 week intensive group therapy which did nothing to help him. He is now back to work but taking it slow and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for meds. Meanwhile, I still feel worthless, I still feel like nobody loves me as much as I love them. And throughout all this I have told him and his mother (she was pressuring me to do things with no regard for my feelings) that I was contemplating suicide. I told them that I felt worthless and alone which was what prompted the email. My husband has never said anything in response. I know he loves me but his anxiety keeps him from saying things when it's emotional. My mother-in-law told me to "be better" and has not responded to me since. This is a long story but I have to tell you this...after all that I have been through these last 4 months I have learned one thing. Only you can make things better for you. I love my husband and have made a commitment to him. I will always be there for him even when he is not there for me. BUT I now realize that I need to take care of me. Before it's too late. I still have my mind and I am still "ok". Time to take care of me. I hope you will do the same because you are worth it! Don't carry your self worth around in a box labeled "how others perceive me". If they don't see your worth they soon will when you take back your life and live it for you. You can still be there for them and take care of you at the same time. Things they normally assume you will do make sure you are letting them know that hey it's time you start cleaning up after dinner or doing your own laundry or what ever. You've got this! Don't feel guilty for taking care of you.