A co worker/ friend asked me this in like 2000 ha why am I thinking so far back that’s where my triggers are taking me and I thought I’d share because I think I will never be truely hsppy but I do feel healing so that is a step closer ( he saw the real me underneath a scary disturbed me in my opinion) and I wonder who and I hope and pray you will be happy...even as I laugh I’m still sad while a notice there’s that itch in the back of my mind reminding me why I don’t deserve to be happy that not everything is okay and that is not okay. I am different in a bad way as a kid I was taught and I rebelled and still am... I guess I mean I’m stubborn but that doesn’t sound as good 😉 I hope you guys reading are happy. It’s all really uckin ridiculous I mean why can’t we just be? Rewire our brain. We can. We will. I’m my worst enemy right now I treat everyone so nice as not to break the glass that I feel like I am. We are glass please be careful. Thanks for listening. I really needed this release to share.
How can a happy person like you be so... - Anxiety and Depre...
How can a happy person like you be so sad?
Hi my friend I think you would be suprised how many people pick up how sad you are but don't say anything. Some people are very perceptive and they can sniff out the slighest nuances. I think too that if you are always smiley and anxious to keep the peace you can confuse them as they don't know how to react. This can come across as a bit fake sometimes so beware of that. Not saying you are but you have to be true to yourself and allow yourself to feel down sometimes and show it as we all do. This is how we care and share with others. Putting up a front all the time only damages you.
This is my experience anyway. x
I know what you mean I don’t want to be fake I just want to show my love and not worry people that’s why I’m to myself a lot and I’m not fake just everyone knows I try ya know? Thanks I think I will try letting it be more instead of wasting energy ... sometimes I fear if my kids see me as mostly down then they may think it’s their fault ...I do talk to them about it a lot so much I am saying to them I am feeling really frustrated and sad and if my tone sounds edgy or mean I am so sorry but it is not your fault it is something I am working on and it’s going to be okay.
No I know you are not fake at all Starr as we all know the real you on here. My point was that perceptive people outside, if they don't know the sad you as well as the happy you, might not know how to respond to you sometimes.
Many years ago a co worker I barely knew looked at me one day and said 'Why do you pretend to be scatty when you are not'? I was gobsmacked and thought about it for a while and realised he was right. I have never forgotten it either.
I realised the scatty side was a defence mechanism so people wouldn't take me seriously and an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Since then I have never underestimated people as you might be surprised what some can pick up. Oh and you don't come across as crabby at all my friend. Hugs Bev xx
I love you ❤️ I’m so sorry I feel like I just can’t you know, keep going without making drastic changes. Finally got someone to come help me fix up something I can’t even talk about it it’s been so traumatic. I’m so angry so I work my ass off trying to fix things yet wherever I go there I am I can’t fix myself and I am weak right now.
We are all allowed to be weak sometimes my friend, I am feeling a bit low myself but can feel my good spirits returning hopefully. Maybe we need a jokathon on here or something so we can laugh instead of cry? 🤞💖💖 xx
Very well written star,you should put your amazing thoughts in a book ,with some of your photos...thanks totally relate to what you say 🙂🌟
I am so emotional right now omg I’m in a really weird horrible spot... yeah I should ... publish ha ... maybe some day I’ll help others with this somehow but I haven’t the focus to think up how to go about it; just trying to keep up with my kids and with life with bipolar. Thank you 🙃 I hope you are having a good day. Right now I am suicidal. I miss Lisa. I wonder if I did something wrong. Ha I’m so sorry I’m a big mess. So much is going on with my parents and so many changes the house is falling apart my motivation is turned off I’m stuck feeling I want to die. Ive been thinking about it a lot, thought I was past that crap. It wasn’t an option. Now the urges won’t stop.
Your a great writer and very artistic my friend channel your thoughts into capturing your emotions somehow how cool would that be an illustrated Starrlight 🌟 book with killer cool nature photos 🙃....thinking about you..hope the dark mood passes soon ☀️
L ❤️ ve. it. I do think that thoughts quickly jump in without us meaning to think them but that we can catch them choosing to believe them or not.
You are not such a silly sausage are you? 
xx
Ola 🙂...got a lovely message off cas saying she’s doing well 😁
Aw brilliant. I am going to pm her. x
I hope you’re feeling better. Yes we are sad, maybe sadder than the norm but it gets better. I’m also a people pleaser, walking on eggshells! You write beautifully.
LD
Thanks Ddorne. ❤️ I hope you will have a beautiful day remembering how beautiful you are.
...but even glass, if its shattered, with enough heat it melts and then you can make a brand new glass out of it again..🐘
You don't mention counciling? Sometimes we have to go back to our past in order to deal with the Now? Anxiety is a very ugly thing to deal with and needs to be dealt with. It can take over your Life. Quit listening to friends and family they don't have a clue what your going through.
Good advice there.
After almost seven years and treatment for from 40 Years of anorexia and now dealing with post-traumatic stress I have trigger triggers constantly about my childhood abuse my therapist told me to process and release not easy but that I must do to survive process each memory as they come because I had to repress them for 50 years unreleased song one by one be strong and yes we are like the glass my glass was broken years ago I have peace the glass back together now I am whole once again but left with scarves that it will not define who I am today
You. Are. Amazing. Strong smart and beautiful you sound like. Thank you for sharing your words. It is inspiring to me.
Thank you very much for all your kind words I'll be 57 next week it took me almost 57 years to become the person I am with long years of treatment be thinking about you may be stronger self it can happen you just have to believe it it took me a lifetime but I'm there girl thank you love you
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