Ive struggled with feeling deeply rejected and like I dont matter all my life. And Ive also always struggled with understanding my value and identity ever since I was little. I think this comes from years of being emotionally and physically bullied and being isolated from interaction alot as boy. It left me really comfused and not knowing who I am alot. Abuse and loneliness can really affect a person's ability to understand themselves All this has contributed to really low self esteem.
I am a really sensitive person i.e. to others feelings. And I wouldnt ever hurt anyone. But I also havent had alot of confidence in recent years especially.
A while back, about 7 years ago I made a sad mistake that stays with me every day. It hurts me deeply and Im really sorry for it. I didnt hurt anyone (I would never hurt anyone) but in my confusion I made a wrong decision in how to handle something that came my way.
The resulting judgement I faced has been so overwhelming I have struggled to live with myself since. Ive seen counsellors and therapists about this and every one has had alot of compassion for me but I havent had any compassion for myself. Professionals have agreed that the way I was treated in being judged by others and labelled was too much but I struggle to believe it myself. I could move on but its the label of being seen as a horrible person thats the worst for me. I just struggle to cope every day because of it.
The way I have been labelled has stayed with me a long time. I am a very sensitive person especially when Im not believed or understood. I feel so hurt and sad after it all. Ive never recovered after about 6/7 years now. I just dont know know how to handle it. I also am reminded that Im seen as a person that cant be trusted by people and it hurts me lots. Its really lonely for me feeling so misunderstood.
I am so low after feeling so summarised as a bad person that I often feel I am not allowed to feel any self worth or be happy.
Please, if you have any suggestions please help..
And please, I do know that professionals have told me things that show they believe Im not a bad person so dont say 'If theyve told you then believe it'. Its not as simple as that. I know alot of it comes from childhood and I cant help whats happened in recent years but I am so so damaged because of it. I feel like I cant recover. I need help. I feel so saddened because of it all. Im struggling.
I’m so sorry that your feeling this way the best way I cope is with tricking my brain I say it in my head that I am not a bad person multiple times even write it 😊
I had no self esteem before all this. When people are so low and have no self value from childhood onwards they have no or limited ability to understand themselves. The constant pain and confusion of living with ourselves can lead people to do silly things that others may take for granted.
We can run red lights, we can walk in front of cars without knowing, we can start relationships with people that hurt us, we can believe it when people say they love us and they really dont, we can get extremely confused about who we are and how we deserve to be treated. My point is that if you put a person under enough pressure and beat them down so much mentally and emotionally and physically we all struggle to manage and can act in a way that may seem odd to others. We all have limits and I did something that showed alot of pain and confusion at the time.
I sincerely believe these points in our lives dont define us and I sincerely have alot of compassion for people who struggle to manage, make unwise decisons and struggle to look after themselves. Im just struggling with myself thats all and the fact I feel labelled contributes to this struggle. I never had self love to begin with and after this I nearly killed myself due to the unbearable emotional pain and guilt. I feel I need compassion but its hard to find or accept. And its hard to deal with myself when I feel I cant accept myself and I feel judged every day of my life.
I destroyed my dream life by being a dick. Not saying you were, just that I was. I have to get over it. I hurt someone badly. Not on purpose, mostly because I was in a bad palace mentally and I couldn't be strong enough not to hurt her. (By walking away, nothing violent or mean ever.) I lost everything and rebuilding was immensely difficult. Some people still call me a bad person. I don't care. I've lost most of my immediate family. I don't care. I've had to get over it for my sake, learning in therapy that people make their own choices and if people are toxic they have to go. I do many good things and I'm a great dad. I'm better than them. But I'm still human. I make mistakes I messed up. Such is life.
Focus on the good. Be good. Be nice. Spend a day helping out at a shelter for Christmas. That should make you feel good, for all the right reasons.
all of the people here in this community have done so much supported each other help each other be kind to each other this is why I love this community so much ☺️ kind amazing caring people help each other out 😊
Thanks a lot you are caring too all of you guys are 😊
Thank you. I think youre maybe referring to my last post about how people just stopped talking to me. Are you? Yeah, that hurt me too tbh. But this post is about something completely different. I appreciate your kind post though.
That’s so bad that you are bullied on here. No one deserves to be bullied, you are so lovely. Maybe they are jealous of you, but I’m so glad you ignore it and have spoken about it to your counsellor. X
I am very sensitive as well. It’s a blessing & a curse! I am not confident either.
We as humans make mistakes and as long as we learn from them then it’s only a lesson! We can’t beat ourselves up so much over a mistake when everyone in the whole world makes them! You are the only one who has power over yourself. You can make a change in your life! You’re definitely not alone. I’ve made many mistakes in my life that will stick with me for probably the rest of my life. But that shouldn’t mean I should dwell on it and beat myself up over it? There’s no way I can change what I did as much as I wish I did! You can recover. Take baby steps! Come up with a plan for yourself, I’m sure others can help. If I were you I would try and make an affirmation to myself! So here’s a question for YOU! If someone else was struggling with the same exact thing you are what would you tell them? I hope it would be something positive. Speak to yourself like you’d speak to a friend! Once you find a good affirmation write it down on a piece of paper and tape it somewhere where you won’t forget to look at it!
Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are loved and worthy 🌻💗
Thank you, I liked the idea of making a plan too. Im trying but I find it so hard to feel worthy of making a plan too. My mind feels all over the place with worthlessness so its hard to concentrate. Your suggestions are on my mind and Ive been trying though and wrote down some things. Its just hard to organise all my thoughts into an actual plan. I do appreciate your advice though. Its very valuable! 🙂👍🙂👍🙂👍🙂
I understand but you’re so amazing! You don’t even realize it 💗 I definitely understand it is hard for me to organize my thoughts too when there’s so many going through my head
Hi I just came across this post!! I agree it’s a great suggestion the affirmation I need to do the same!! To write something down to remind yourself ! The fact that you care so much shows you are a good person, you have a lot of value and a lot of good to offer and share with others!!
Wow really? Bullying happens here? Some people really are worthless wastes of skin. I don't think you'll have trouble making friends and don't feel scared to ask for help if it happens x
Yes, Im so gald youve spoken about it too and now you feel stronger to face the bullying you feel. It seems that talking to others who understand helps alot and gives you strength. That is a good idea for me. I have to start again though because my previous counsellor was really innapropriate and unproffesional. Thank you for sharing this 🙂
Im so glad youve got a new therapist you are comfortable with, thats great. Im happy for you 🙂
Oh my goodness!! I wanted to ask people the exact same thing !! I have anxiety and just realised recently very very low self esteem. I wanted to know why others felt anxious. I know mine comes the same things your talking about . I feel like my whole life is a series of mistakes!! I blame myself for everything!! And question what people really think of me . I too never ever intend to hurt anyone, i over think EVERYTHING, have low confidence, and have a guilty feeling with me almost ALL of the time. I’ve been told time and time again it’s not my fault, I’ve had counselling but shut down ,and though I’m sure what they’re saying is true, about abuse not being my fault, and I would never ever think that of someone else , but I just can’t believe it about myself . I’m a conscientious person, and really struggle with believing in myself so I just take anything pretty much. Forgiving ones self seems so much harder than forgiving others. Thank you for sharing, just knowing someone else out there understands helps I hope you know that too 🤗
So sorry you struggle too Mumma h. You arent defined by your mistakes. We all make them and we are all just the same. No matter what has happened you are never judged by me or people who care. Its just good that you want to keep learning. Thanks for sharing how you feel and I hope you dont feel alone. We are all the same and you are just as valuable as everyone else 🤗
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