Fear of the unknown. Fear of being alone. Fear of going out and getting hurt. Fear of being out of control.
If I die, well, that's the natural sequence since birth, to go toward death. I don't want to suffer more and more with anxiety.
4 yrs of talk therapy and meds that make me sick. I'm scared I won't get help when needed. During the prep for a biopsy my blood pressure skyrocketed and the staff was considering calling for a crash cart. No one knew how to handle the anxiety -- breathing etc. I've needed several more biopsies and I'm afraid to go there.
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marheart
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Hi marheart. Being scared means that you care. I know this feeling. Sometimes we care too much and can’t let go. I am trying to learn to control my fears, but I am only at the beginning...
If you need to go through the procedure, talk to the doctor. You shouldn’t suffer because of mundane test. I am sure there are some ways to do it (with sedation or something).
I wish you all the best. Please, update us on your wellbeing. We care about you!
Hi take your fears one by one and analyse them. What for example do you fear about being alone? Work through what could happen if you were and make action plans ie you can come on here and talk to someone, ring a friend and so on. Then try and work through the fear and treat yourself for coping with it.
If you do this with all your fears you will gain more self control. This will take time so do it slowly and one at a time. Feel the fear and do it anyway. x
Hi Looking at your region dpss offices la to find about modifications you need for your home with disability due to your illness. Thinking positively that you can e mail or contact your area office for information. As you need mobility aid with electronic aids such as recliner chair/bed, they may be able to reassess your needs to make you comfortable.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of this.
I know fear all to well and can related to every one of the fears that you mentioned.
My own journey has brought me to a place where I've realized that I've had every right to be as afraid as I have. It was a survival mechanism and it worked well for me. But, now that I'm not in the same situations, my survival skills that I perfected don't work so well. So I'm working on retraining my brain and being my own comfort and expressing my fears no matter how silly they sound.
Hi guess you have deep-rooted problems. These go back to your childhood as well as from the illness which has had far reaching effects as well as the treatment. Fear of medical treatment and meds is from the lack of confidence in some members of health team. The side effects and sleep patterns have been altered so you are trying to overcome stress which is an uphill battle. Have you been referred to a sleep expert and have you found an expert hypnotherapist who may be able to help with sleep?
They say aging makes it difficult to get enough oxygen when sleeping.
I'm thinking being startled awake, especially with a dry mouth, is due to lack of oxygen.
The insurance will only pay for the low grade converter which turns air into oxygen. The thumping, bumping, grinding, swooshing and other noises wake me up even more. Tried 2 different set ups. Cheapies, they are called in the industry.
Sleep problems started a couple of decades ago. Had 3 sleep tests.
I'm with the biggest health Insurer in the USA. Cookie Cutter experts!
Since Anxiety took over a few years ago, I've developed into an out of the box person and each Dr has said the choices are mine. They can give me pros and cons and that's all.
On the side glance I see a questioning look in each specialists eyes. I ask what they would advise if I was their Mom or their wife.
They move on in the conversation. No direct answers from any specialist. They see the notes in the file, but don't talk with each other about "my case".
From what I've read on this site, things seem to be the same everywhere. Probably due to money and the chance of law suits.
I'm with the 4th Therapist. They hire and train social workers, not like the good old days where trained Psychiatrists talked and were the Counselors. I walked in the door of Behavior Health asking for Hypnosis. It's worked to calm my blood pressure and a few other issues thru the yrs.
They searched. I searched. No one wanted to give up their practice to join a huge health insurer. Too expensive for the ordinary, every day, sick person.
Then, 2 yrs ago they found someone to hire in. It worked for awhile until our relationship turned negative. I want positive. And the Hypnosis was used only about 30% of the time.
No one else within drive able miles uses Hypnosis for this biggest Insur. Co. in USA.
It works to calm the mind, body and soul. Positive and comfy.
Look for the credentials and experience on the resume. Ask for referrals. List your questions and ask on the phone initial contact.
Trust. Do you feel comfortable trusting that person?
This is not about those silly shows where people on the entertainment stage quack like a duck. Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy are real behavior health problem solvers.
We can do some much more with the brain. Pharm and Insur are in charge, yet Therapists and Drs. tell us we decide for ourselves and are in charge of ourselves.
You are right. Hypnotherapy used to help sleep or smoking is going to help. It is not delving into your post traumatic problems it is helping your subconscious mind adapt to new behaviours. Your mind helping matter. If that was my best option I would go for it but if you are under an annual contract with your insurance would investigate reviews of comparable insurances. The best is not always as advertised.
My HMO plan is the best around, considering it is free via Medicare.
Going back to the past is helpful to sort out problems. As you say, learning to get thru today and tomorrow is much more important at this stage of the game.
It is a problem not only either sensitivities but with meds. They have some blood tests here for many cancers which stops the biopsies. Your fear of the white coats is white coat syndrome when your body goes into overdrive and your cortisol levels go high . BP goes up you feel hot and sweaty. You could ask if they have blood tests as it is so stressful. Expect it you need fluid taken off they could retest to see how you are. Is it hot and humid where you live as best can make you feel worse. Your posts are great and inspiring . It's not knowing that makes you tense.
How can we bring others into our realm of understanding?
Behavior health and physical health do not exist in the same world-- so it seems. The Oncologist takes blood for immediate testing when I am in his office.
He gives me a sideways look when gently bringing up biopsies.
The Psych and the Therapist have voiced several times they don't know what to do with me. Group staff meetings still haven't come close to what to do with me, the out of the box person.
Rare breed. I do exist and would like to hear how others like me are handling being differently---- which was admired in days gone by.
Now we live in a cookie cutter world with an emphasis on being cost efficient.
Yeh! Cookie cutters and neat shapes - we don't fit. We ask questions and observe. We ask if what - and what if. Suppose that's why hypnotherapy might help with sleep as you have already had it before to recall past events. This time it can be used just to set a time clock head so you go to sleep without fear. Sleep is so precious and you have been down every day avenue. I reckon a comfortable mattress, and a cool pillow mat might help if you over heat. Even your suggestions of colour harmony in your room so it is not so bright when you wake up. The less light with a gap in the curtains can help sleep hormones. Certain foods such as bananas and tomato juice can help promote sleep. May be as I read on your post you were on propranolol this would help you again? You can get patches for slow release for this which might give more relief. My hubby took this when his BP went up so high and within a few weeks he was better, but had to retire due to stress and his health. He was put on doughnut and bacon free diet. He nearly cried with the misery of having to change his diet but I went out and bought doughnuts and told him not to worry. Sure thing his blood pressure went down without his stress and he had the BP of a twenty year old in his fifties.
The health professionals are striving to get my team of Drs. on a conference call with me to discuss my problems and how they relate to each other and how physical relates to the mental problems.
Hello? Where have you people been for the past 4 yrs. as the problems were growing and I was asking for hypnosis from day one? A conference call at this stage is a terrific idea. The current backward motion is not working in this cookie cutter Mindfulness approach.
Okay, that's asking "what if...". I'll back track and do my best to follow my truth to find the positives and concentrate on them. BIGGGGG task at hand here.
Join me. What one thing will you do to improve your positive thinking?
That's good news - asking what if is so important as you have so many interconnected problems. I read through old posts on Ensam and anxiety and noted you were on propranolol but you were taken off this even though it did help. Noticed you were on another type of drug for anxiety like Valium so wondered if the propanalol patch would help over 24 hours a day so you don't get anxiety spikes. You are right about positivity but being able to control your own diet and things you need to help your mobility and supplements to help, make a difference to your outlook as you feel you are helping your self to better health. I looked after my dad when he was seriously ill and noted that water deprivation is common so home carers leave water on the table but the older folk don't drink it. They end up confused and debilitated and also may have mobility problems getting to the loo so they don't want to get up unnecessarily. That's the sort of information that is useful to everyone living on their own in any type of weather and heat. Water flushes away the toxins in our blood but we consciously don't drink through the day so may need the extra oxygen and fluid that can revive you and help your breathing Nervous energy needs water, oxygen and some glucose to keep the brain functioning normally.
As you say where have these specialists been over 4 years and what a breakthrough to see how things are with conferencing. You need the blood tests and may be the biopsies but think you should ask for non invasive methods such as CART which uses your own immune cells which are modified to attack the rogue cells. It is now recognised in the USA as a successful alternative to surgery . The University researh for CART comes from a medical centre in New York but now it is being trialled in Europe and the UK. Reckon you should ask for the tests to see if you are stable on the drug but also ask for CAR T as you cannot take the drugs. Other people are successful with drugs but you are one a some who have a lot of sensitivities which are slowly being recognised Being positive is asking - if you don't ask you don't get!
Most of the med info in that posting is part of the old news. I keep on trying new ideas, suffer from the anxiety and the meds, then the medical staff says I don't know what to do with you any more.
We give me a chance to recover from the last round and move onward.
Recently it's Vit. D and then SAMe. Stopped them this week. One at a time to pay attention to any differences. Don't know what's next except a conference call with my specialists to discuss possible ways to stop this going on and on so I can have a life.
Hi - have you looked a the City of Hope Gastro intestinal treatment in your region ? They have therapy outlets throughout California and L.A.
As your team seem to be unable to progress your therapy may be you could be referred through this other group care under your insurance?
What you may need is test results to understand if you can benefit from non deep surgery, T cell immune cell therapy and other sorts of IV vitamin infusion. What your team is trying to do is encourage you to have a biopsy. You have fears round this procedure as you had problems with the crash cart so your stress was out of control.
If you have fluid build up again then may be you discuss this through conference call. The FDA have recently approved T cell and immuno therapies. These may be for leukaemia but the GI City of Hope group looks hopeful. The biopsy will help establish if the existing meds are keeping the cancer under control. As you have benzodiazepine drugs which help perhaps a higher dose of Diazepam from 2 - 5 and 10mg tablets would be effective. Your dose may have been the same and needs raising. The dry mouth on waking suggests you don't have much mucous. If you have the night terrors waking up startled after nightmares the Diazepam may be useful. If you have an open mouth whilst you sleep this can dry your mouth. I have a gum guard which helps prevent teeth grinding and keeps my mouth closed at night.
If you can have a referral to an ENT specialist, they might be able to help you with breathing. There is a treatment therapy over here called the Alexander Technique which helps the patient with their posture and breathing helping lung function. If you have not been given a peak flow test for your lungs and are worse in the early hours of the morning this test could prove you have a type of asthma linked to your hypersensitivity. As you have tried other therapies and have reached a stalemate may be you will benefit from these other specialists? If you do have asthma which is more common than you think, then an inhaler might help you through the night keeping airways open. My grandson has to take an inhaler with him to school and had to be rushed to hospital when he was little. He had a chest infection which responded to medication and an inhaler. You could ask your team about your dry mouth whether it is a side effect of the drug you are on and what you can do to stop it. Keep asking those questions and may be something will click.
Your drug Imatinib Gleevec is one of the same as used at the City of Hope group so guess you have a good drug. Gist support website talks about the length of time when the drug might start to be less useful. If you are not stable which is more likely to be found after tests, then the drug amount can be raised. Immunotherapy alongside the drugs can help as well. Some types of cancer have genetic components which are treated with T cells which detect and engulf the rogue cells.
Do you get ultrasound and CAT scans which are non invasive?
Medicare from your insurance does not seem to be giving you support for recent research which is based on taking your own body cells and adapting them and re introducing them into your body. If you can tolerate the tests recommended you will feel relieved to know where you stand. You have to ask for information about other treatment to go along with your drug. May be they will be able to help. If they don't then I would write to the insurance company and complain that you are not being given an other alternative therapies or immune therapy. The whole health programme is being supported by a large population who expect the right level of care and support from their subscriptions. Can understand your frustration and anxiety. Will you be able to ask about upping the dose of your anxiety meds as they have been so low but may be they could be upped to help you in minimal dose changes so you feel better? Hope for the best. Take care and remain positive.
To get rid of your anxiety you have to try not be nice. You have to be nasty and unkind. You have to ignore people, and get your own way. You have to be selfish and greedy. Then you might win an election!
Hi there Marheart - there's no more mr Nice Guy! As you have mentioned you have to adapt to survive. As you have been feeling weaker and have mobility problems may be you should think of just using your sitting room to sleep and rest on throughout the day? A large riser recliner chair which is wide enough to lie on one side might be an option as this will take you from a seated position to tilt you forward to stand up. You can also sleep on it. The riser recliner bed may be the alternative but the chair with a duvet on it may be better so you can sit up during the day and have a rest by electronic methods to save you from struggling to get in and out of your chair. The companies in your region especially electropedic do hiring and will come to your home and install
the bed or chair. If you don't want to buy something then you may be able to rent the one that suits you. My dad had one, which he slept in which helped. He chose a non button back which has comfortable upholstery and which you press a button so you glide slowly up and down at your own pace. The company might recommend a zimmer frame for you to use to walk round the home. I am sure you have a department which covers mobility usually to do with social services in your area.
Hope you can get your mojo back to help yourself improve you life and health.
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I'm so scared and uncomfortable
Scared to Take the Meds
Scared of being independent 
I'm just so scared...
