So there's that...

[TheBigGreenBlob]

I don't know what prompted me to hop on here, but here I am. Idk what I'm feeling these days. Part of me wants to run away and hide and do something drastic, the other (more rational part) says don't uproot everything for something unknown. I guess I've just been feeling lonely these days....which doesn't make sense I'm a mom and wife and I have plenty of people in my life to talk to, but yet here I am...still feeling alone. It's hard, I don't feel like I can open up and talk to my husband about anything related to mental health because he doesn't understand; And honestly, I don't feel like he tries to. He feels like it's all just someone telling you what you already know or whatever....which for me, makes it really hard to open up to him when I'm having a rough day. All I want is to be able to come home and feel like I can fall into his arms if I'm having a bad day or of I'm feeling down, but I feel like im greeted with a hand and always being pushed away. It's hard for me to open up, and then when I finally do open up, I'm hit with some smart alic comment which doesn't help.....ugh! Idk, part of me says throw in the towel for someone who will understand more or at least someone who will be more open to the idea of trying to understand and underatanding that some days I just need it quiet and need that time to myself. That I'm not crazy and not dramatic. Truth...if I didn't end up pregnant with our son, we probably still would be together....this relationship was never supposed to be a long-term thing, but more of a "fine for now, until the next best thing comes along" relationship...(i never felt those butterflies and instant attraction to him like they say you should...or rather like I want there to be...)........but then I found out I was pregnant and everything changed..... Idk, I'm just feeling like I needed to be heard and maybe someone out there can relate...who knows?! ....worth a shot right?!?

....

[TheMeg]

I don't have kids so I can't honestly say that I understand all of that. However, I do know how it feels to be surrounded by people and not feel like toy can talk to anyone. It's extremely lonely and I'm a big advocate for doing what you need to do to feel better. Even when that means doing the hard thing of walking away from someone. I grew up in an unhappy home where my parents fought constantly and I could always see how unhappy they were. I honestly think I would have been better off if they had split when I was younger. Do what feels right to you.

[TheBigGreenBlob in reply to TheMeg]

Thank you!! I think that's part of the confusion, I don't know what feels right anymore. We did break up a few years ago before we got married, but for whatever reason and things that happened at the time, we ended up getting back together, buying a house and then getting married. I'm not sure if it's the depression/anxiety talking that tells me to run, or if it's me really listening to my heart and doing what I need to. It's hard sometimes to tell the difference. But I do know, it's not the first time I've felt this way. It's maybe the 5th or so.....so idk what to do anymore. Sigh. I will keep you posted.

[TheMeg in reply to TheBigGreenBlob]

Personally, I feel like anyone who doesn't make you feel safe about your feelings doesn't deserve you but I understand how the situation could be much more complicated beyond that. Try and take some time for yourself so you can really try and feel out what you need.

Hope you're able to find security in someone, friends and professionals count too!

[TheBigGreenBlob in reply to TheMeg]

Thank you!! I'm trying to get back into therapy, but I haven't found the right one yet, but when I do, Im hoping it helps clarify some things for me.

[Agora1 in reply to TheBigGreenBlob]

Hi BigGreenBlob, I think therapy is a good idea when we start having doubts

about our life and where it's going. The final decision is always ours but the

therapist may help clarify some of our thoughts and lead us to the right path.

What we do with that suggestion is up to us.

I will say, watch what you wish for...you don't want to go from the frying pan

into the fire while looking for that instant attraction and butterfly feelings.

Life isn't always that simple to solve. I'm glad you are here. xx

[SuZQ154]

Glad you are here. WE are here to support each other! Your feelings of loneliness hit home for me. We are all different and I am not saying these will work for you, but these activities have helped me when I have gone through periods like this with my husband. Journaling, focusing on the positive, counting my blessings, taking a walk or nap, exercising, talking to a loving family member or friend, reading my Bible, praying, listening to music or Christian talk shows, etc. eventually get me out of that state. Hope this helps. There is HOPE!