doesn't feel right

[Chav_a143]

I feel like everywhere I go I don't belong. I have a hard time connecting with people. I have some friends but I feel like there isn't a single person that I know that fully understands me and idk, maybe that just doesn't exist. maybe there is no one person that will fully understand you and that everyone you meet will understand a different part of you so you can go to each person depending on the situation. if that even makes sense. i am at my second semester of college and I really enjoy what I am studying so I know that it is what I want to do with my life but the school I am at doesn't feel right. not necessarily that it feels wrong but I just feel like there is nothing for me here and I have felt like that all my life I guess. But now it really matters because college is important. idk.. I'm just rambling but any advice would be helpful.

[fauxartist]

Why is it that you feel that way, what was your life like and do you have anxiety and depression? I never felt like I fit in at school or around people when I was at school....like I was a bit of an alien at times....other times out of nowhere I could be social. But because of my childhood....I couldn’t relate to others usually....no father’s day-no father, my mother was a psycho so no great stories about my adoring mother ....and half my family were off somewhere I never knew about for most of my life....grew up like a gypsy...so yeah....I didn't fit in. I had depression, addiction, anxiety, abandonment....all of that stuff makes you feel alienated.

[Chav_a143 in reply to fauxartist]

yes I have anxiety and depression. All my life i've been the last choice. I had two best friends who always chose each other before they would choose me. My other friends would come over to my house and ask if my step sister was home because they wanted to hang out with her. Just a bunch of instances like that is why I think I never fit in. Because all my life I never really have.

[fauxartist in reply to Chav_a143]

Please don't take this the wrong way...but you need better friends who put you first. I always took the back seat because I didn't feel I deserved the front seat. I felt less than, or somehow not as cool, or worthy....that was a mould to break....now I don't care what others think, and I am a giving person, but not a fool so much anymore... Good relationships are a balance of give and take....accepting each other's good and bad...and being there for you when you need support....the older you get , you'll realize that you deserve to be treated with equal respect. But I also got a lot of help with my anxiety and depression over the years...that has made the progress happen for me.

[Chav_a143 in reply to fauxartist]

Yes I agree. Seems like all my life I've had friend problems but now I don't as much but probably because I only really have 2 true friends. I have people that I talk to in my classes and such but only 2 friends that I actually reach out to and they reach out to me. I find it particularly hard to make friends because it is just so draining. I've always wanted to be an extrovert but every time I try it is just so exhausting and I get discouraged. I have gotten some help, just through my college's counseling system and it helps slightly

[b1b1b1 in reply to Chav_a143]

Having 2 good friends is more than many people have. Also, there are many people who don't necessarily like extroverts and much prefer introverted people. If that is your personality, it is OK. College years can be tough. When I was in college the President of the college made a speech in which he said "If these are the best years of your life, then we will have failed." I have found that to be a very true statement. College is not life. xx

[fauxartist in reply to Chav_a143]

I think it's okay to just be who we are....I had friends in life that were extroverts, and it was all great and groovy....but really....I'm a more laid back person.... I think in life we attract our opposites....in friends and relationships....and it's okay..it's kind of a balancing act. You sound like you have a good understanding of knowing in life we really are going to only have a few good friends...the rest are just acquaintances.

[MsGelfling1]

I don't belong anywhere or to anyone, either. I know that feeling well. I had a sad upbringing and never learned the finer graces of life. I wish I knew them better.

[fauxartist in reply to MsGelfling1]

I'm glad your here and you can have friends here....that understand not having a great childhood....I sure didn't ....so your not alone....there are kind people here who will listen.

[JoniJ]

Hi Alex,

College can be such a challenging time. You are transitioning to adulthood and sometime that can be scary. It is wonderful that you have 2 close friends. That is such a blessing. I pray that you will continue to develop and expand those relationships and even learn to be grateful for any casual friends that you develop along with way. If you need to return to counseling for your anxiety and depression, I encourage you to do so. Life is a journey of self discovery and having a neutral third party, such as a professional counselor, can give you more insight into yourself. You say that you don't feel understood and have a difficult time connecting with others. I am wondering if you feel the same about your family members. What were your relationships like with your siblings and/or parents?

[Chav_a143 in reply to JoniJ]

I am grateful I have two good friends but unfortunately they don’t go to school with me so I never see them. I am going to a school counselor but that’s really it. I would say I have a good relationship with my mom and step dad now but I don’t share things with them. When I was little I wasn’t close with my mom at all and I’m not close with my dad at all although I visit him sometimes but not at all close and it is awkward and boring when I visit.

[-Norwinnorlose-]

College is very difficult to stay focused. If your friends love and respect you they will love you for what you're doing.