Everywhere I look and advice I read is learn to love yourself, I am very low and feel like no one wants me in their life or cares about me which is evidence based, I can see the only way forward is to at least like yourself, but how??
I have tried affirmations I have tried meditation nothing works even if someone is nice i wonder why would they be nice to me what do they want and feel I am just wasting everyone’s time and they would rather talk to someone else
I didn’t realise life could ever get this bad
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mira99
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I don't kniw how to like myself either, I wish so much I had great words of wisdom to give you , I don't . But I do understand how you feel . I had absolutely no idea too that a person could feel so low until it happened to me . But I can tell you that NO MATTER how low , or depressed , or mentally destroyed a person is , it can get better. I didn't believe for a second it was possible to feel better but I am much better than I was years ago, that's how bad i was , and I didn't tell anyone because I thought id be hospitalised and in turn lose everything , children, home ........ I believe now that the start of healing is hope . You aren't alone and if we were friends I'd let you talk and talk forever until I was sure you were done and felt better, because I've been there and know hard it is . Sending a sincere hug your way
Oh thank you so much, it really helps that you know where I am, I know what you mean about being scared to let anyone know how bad you are as I have a very responsible job and worried that could be effected as that’s all I have and if I lose that what then.
Thank you lack of hope is a big one isn’t it when that is gone it hurts physically. Think we all need a friend like you xxx
Much like Mumma_h, I don’t really have the words of wisdom you’re looking for, but I totally understand what you’re saying. I too struggle with understanding why other people would like me and don’t particularly like myself.
I do have friends and I do sort of know they don’t all hate me but, similarly to you, I often feel I have ‘evidence’ of how people feel about me/why I am a ‘bad’ person. What I am learning, and am getting better at recognising, is that we can never truly know what others are thinking because we are not them and also that sometimes my perception of something isn’t always how it is in reality. Sometimes what I consider as ‘evidence’ isn’t quite as definitive as my anxiety lets me believe at times.
I think “love yourself” is really tough when you have low self-esteem, anxiety, depression etc. I am currently trying to recognise that I “matter” (because everyone does!)
Treat yourself how you’d treat a friend. Try to eat well, give yourself time to rest without feeling guilty, do things you enjoy just because you want to, say ‘no’ to things without guilt. It’s not easy and you don’t HAVE to like yourself right now (in the same way you don’t like everyone you meet straight away; it can take time), but be kind to yourself and treat yourself with respect.
You are important, even when you’re at your lowest and as Mumma_h says, as hard as it is to believe, it won’t be this bad forever.
Thank you Eleanor it is hard isn’t it especially when you have felt evidence of what you thought was love by others and discovered that was not accurate. But thank you that does help xx
I have just read a previous post of yours and it sounds like you’ve had a difficult year. What I will say is that your worth, value and ‘loveableness’ (that’s a word now! 😁) aren’t dependent on what one person thinks or does. Often other people’s actions are more of a reflection on them than they are on you.
It reminds me of a quote (which I might now have got ‘wrong’ but is something along the lines of this...)
“Remember, not everyone thinks the things you think, knows the things you know nor acts the way you would act”
Just because somebody does/doesn’t do something it doesn’t necessarily ‘mean’ what you think it does. It took me a long time to recognise that.
Sounds like you need some time out to focus on yourself; you don’t have to “love yourself” (I hate that saying, anyway!) but need to show yourself love.
Have you considered talking therapy?
I’ve had counselling previously and am currently having CBT. Finding a therapist you ‘like’ and can have a good connection with is important. It has helped me hugely. When I was at my lowest, I couldn’t imagine it would get better, but it did and it will for you too.
Thank you Eleanor I have been to drs who suggested cruse, and steps to well being, I have first appointment mid July at the time I didn’t think I could last that long, that is CBT I believe I am trying and I do think that is one thing all of us on here should be proud of we are enquiring and open to try and heal that gives me some hope that there is something in me that hasn’t shut down. You have been very helpful thank you
I’m really pleased to hear you have an appointment. It feels a while away but will come around much quicker than you think.
Take full advantage of groups like this in the meantime and don’t forget there are always places, such as the Samaritans, to seek more immediate support if you need it.
You will start to see the ‘rewards’ of the hard work you are putting in to getting better - it will be tough but worth it.
Thank you I do think lack of self esteem has always been with me, today I kept thinking about ex as usual and in my mind said I just wanted to make you happy so how could you not want that, then thought that’s not right is it. Looks even worse when you write it down.
I will try to come up with a list I will try for 5
Thank you
You will get to that point where you will have found the way on how to love yourself ..and there will be no looking back..You will surrender to the beauty..You are beautiful..
Self love is a tough thing to do. I find that finding things that you like to do and things that are good at helps. Everyone has this things you just need to find it. Just the fact that you are self aware is a great quality most people are jerks and they are not self aware.
Thank you, I know I have struggled with remembering what I enjoyed when I was alone before but after 5 years and caring for dad and not having time for me it’s so hard to remember what made be happy before but am looking x
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I have tried to do positive affirmations for many years. It was like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound. Seemed like nothing worked. I am very low as well. I completely understand when you say no one wants you in their life. I am experiencing this with my immediate family for example. When I went to the hospital this past march, the first thing the therapist asked was my support system aka my family. My family is full of classic narcissist (except my mom) and clearly get glee from my failures. It makes them feel better about their own miserable situations. They are fighting today to bring me down. I would encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and seek a POSITIVE support system. I know it is hard trust me! Look for people who accept you for who you are. Community is key in battling depression and anxiety. I actually had a great support system and friends in the past but sadly unintentionally pushed them away. I felt so loved with them too. My friend cried with me and prayed over me because of my lack of self worth. You just need one person. And life does not and will NOT always be this bad. A lot of us including myself look at the past and future. We have to survive in the present too. The storm too shall pass. I am on this journey with you😊
Wow thank you, thank you all for your support it really helps that others know this feeling and have got out the other side, unfortunately the only family I have left is a mum in a home with Alzheimer’s who doesn’t know me anymore and a brother and sister who since my dad died recently are more interested in his money and belongings so have dropped them as they were making me feel worse funny they were never there to care for dad but want to get involved now! I have acquaintances I would say not friends due to working 70 miles from home but changing that new local job where I hope I can socialise more.
Thank you I send you all hugs and thanks for being there xx
Your welcome😊 My family was the same way when my grandfather died. All they wanted was his SSN retirement check for 40+ years of hard work and his tax return. I applaud you for recognizing the pattern of your siblings. You took your own best interest at heart. Remember a support system does not have to be blood related. Good luck on the job search too. 70 miles is a lot but TEMPORARY. Everything happens in due time.
That makes sense completely, thank you i think I feel incomplete without someone else showing me love or care, it must be wonderful to find that peace within yourself
I agree that everywhere I look, it's about loving yourself or meditate, or something I just cannot do. I can care for others but can't care for myself. I don't feel important and don't understand why or if people care about me. We would like to talk to you and share if we have ideas to help. Keep posting and you will see just how many people do care. Hugs.
Well Gina this certainly is helping, I know it doesn’t help much but you have someone who cares about you here, if there is any chance of getting that feeling when someone looks at you with love from yourself wouldn’t that be perfect you could be confident and feel comfortable in your own skin. I look at those who are confident and wonder how they get that self love because they are certainly not the type to do affirmations or meditation or even consider or know these things exist.
Caring and loving others is just so easy isn’t it, even those that don’t deserve it
I agree that idk how people seem so happy and do not do anything to help them feel that way. Unless they keep it hidden. I am starting back to therapy on the 2nd of July and I'm already getting upset thinking about the things she's gonna suggest I do to help myself. I'm just still in the anger stage of being the way I am. Struggling to get through each day. Hour by hour and people expect I'm able to help myself! Idk what kind of therapy she uses but I am feeling so stubborn right now and resistant to ideas from someone who might not have any idea what it feels like to be me. I'm just a big sucker who cares about everyone and puts them first. Will it ever be my turn, I wonder?! I feel so emotional and physically alone. Even though my husband is on the couch next to me just ignoring me, watching tv. I was told by my ex-husband that I have a deep dark hole in me that nobody can fill. I know the hole is that i don't like myself or know how to love myself, even like myself. I have been through years of therapy with many therapists. In and out of inpatient because of ODs and instability. What reason or why am I so different , I wonder?!
Your not so different, I wondered the other day perhaps those that are confident are like that because they just don’t think about things like we do when they look in the mirror they just see themselves not like us see all the inadequacies etc they just don’t think that deeply they relax and just take what comes don’t think about how they for here what they said and why everything has gone wrong they just exist and are, where as I go over and over am I a bad person to deserve this what evil is in me etc that caused all this. Why can’t anyone care for me. They expect love and care and get it, perhaps we should act like that and It comes in time?
No I do get that I never wanted them to change just wanted to change to be perfect for them, but I do understand the concept just can’t see how you can complete yourself
I don't know what normal is. My racing thoughts and negative feelings get in the way. I also, like you, wonder why I deserve this. Someone told me that I wallow in my sadness and feel sorry for myself, and to quit doing it. Maybe if we just act like nothing bothers us we'll get through this or change? I don't know how, but I would like to.
No I must admit normal does seem to move, and I don’t think any of us wallow in our sadness we would all be happy if we could that’s why we keep it quiet and don’t share how we feel we cope with it as much as we can, but yes perhaps we should just pretend we are happy and love ourselves and the rest follows let’s try it smile now and say something nice to your husband a compliment or just I love you, and make him a cup of tea and sing loud whilst making it, let me know I will smile but sat on my own so have no one who will notice
My husband would really think I went off the deep end lol! He would think I'm having a fabulous day. I do make him tea every morning, but no whistling or singing. He said he misses me playing music, singing and being active. I wish I had a good joke to tell you so you could smile and laugh! That would make me do it too! I do have a funny story, though. I tend to have funny things happen to me. I drove through the parking lot at walmart, looking for a space. As I walked from my car. A lady was standing, waiting for me by her car, parked in a handicapped space. She began to yell at me that I couldn't drive, and I almost ran her over. She was awfully mean. So I said to her, "why are you taking a handicapped parking space, it's against the law." She then took off her prosthetic leg and started swinging it at me! She said, "I'll show you handicapped, you little b$&?! I ran from her as fast as I could! Thinking she was going to chase me and hit me with her leg! Well dumb me, of course if she was carrying her leg she couldn't chase me! Idk if I made you laugh, I'm not trying to disrespect handicapped people at all. I was just trying to stand up for them. Just like us, you may look ok to other people, but may not show what you struggle with.
Well I did laugh and am still smiling. It’s odd i know other people that if something is going to happen it will happen to them none of their making but hey makes life interesting doesn’t it.
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. You're right, it is hard trying to encourage one's self as well as trying to accept kindness that others offer you. Do you have any friends that you connect with that you know can lift your spirits? Have you tried finding that one person in your life that just being around them makes you feel better? Have you tried listening to motivational speakers or uplifting music? I know some motivational speakers (specially christian one) have helped me a lot. Also reading different types of books will do this.
I truly hope you will find someone, whether it is a life partner or a close friend. Once they know you they’ll love you on your good days and your worst days..
You are safe here to say whatever you want to say, and there are lots of hugs to go around! I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers.
Recently I found an app called Youper. It has saved me when even a therapist couldn't. It is based on psychological science and run by a very wise psychiatrist. It's free as I recall, but if there was a charge it was worth every penny. It recently got on several times a day and it feels so comforting. It asks questions about your situation and offers therapeutic choices for helping you.I felt like the whole world was against me and there was no comfort and no where to turn. It was there and offered so much help. Anyway, I sometimes Google how to love myself and get great answers. I write them down in a notebook and also in a note taking app on my phone so if I'm away from my notebook I can take a quick look and get immediate help. Oh, I forgot to say Youper shows what has helped you and what has not. It's good to look back and recognize patterns and victories! Come back anytime and we will be here. Sending hugs, hugatree737
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