New here

[Bipolar2]

I just found this site. I've always known that I'm not alone in this battle, but to see/read others' stories is comforting. I've been medicated for depression for 25+ years. I was a prisoner of Paxil for most of that time. I've been off of it for about 8 months and realize now that, while it helped, it numbed me. It was like a local anesthetic to my feelings. I'm now on lamotrigine, 175 mg. and slowly increasing, and I have no relief yet. I'm also on alprazolam (regular and extended release) for unrelenting anxiety. For the first time, I've found a therapist with whom I can connect, and she gives me hope. The jury's still out on my psychiatrist, though. Also for the first time, the term "bipolar 2" is on the table.

I'm just looking for others with whom to talk. I have one adult child who doesn't/can't understand this, but I'm thankful for that because to understand it, you have to experience it.

If you can relate and would like to talk, please do.

Also, I'm considering ECT. Any thoughts on that would be appreciated.

[Dolphin14]

Bipolar 2

I'm fairly new to the site also. I have been on meds for 22 years. Ptsd anxiety depression. I was pretty stable for 17 years. I had another trauma 4 years ago that really set me back. I'm in therapies meds coming and going. Just an exhausting battle.

I'm glad you have a therapist you like. That's a big part of the battle.

I never looked at this the way you stated it. That you are glad your child didn't understand this because they would have had to experience it. I'm going to carry that with me if you don't mind. It is so frustrating when people don't understand. But, I would never wish this on anyone.

My life has been flipped upside down and won't seem to correct itself. I make progress and something else happens.

I've met one person who had ECT. They said it was successful. How far into this have you researched?

[Kkimm in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi

You are very brave to carry on and cope with day to day life. Glad you have a good therapist.

From what I have read ECT can be extremely effective for severe depression when everything else has failed. If I had reached a point where I did not feel I could carry on and nothing else was working I would certainly have it, I understand the administration of it is not the terrible experience it used to be.

[Kkimm in reply to Kkimm]

Hi Dolphin.

I thought you did a helpful reply to Bi polar 2, my last reply to you was sent in error and was meant for bi polar and I have let them know

[Dolphin14 in reply to Kkimm]

I get all confused with the postings.

Where to put them.

Ty for letting me know.

[Bipolar2 in reply to Kkimm]

I'm sorry for the delayed response, Kkimm, but thank you for your comment. From what I've read, ECT has come a long way. I would initiate ECT tomorrow if I had things in place, like transportation, someone who could stay with me on treatment days to make sure I'm okay, etc. I don't have anyone (who doesn't work or have obligations) who would be able to help me with this.

I'm glad you did not reach the point of ECT and found something that worked for you!

[Bipolar2 in reply to Dolphin14]

Sorry for taking so long to respond, Dolphin14. I have to be in the right frame of mind to put pen to paper, so to speak, and be able to respond and have it make sense. It still may not make sense, but today I can at least make it to the computer.

I'm glad that you, too, found this site if it helps you. I can relate when you say that you can't make progress. I can't get over one hurdle before the ax falls again. That's the pattern, the story of my life. I'm a strong person, but I can't beat this...this gloom and doom and off-the-charts-anxiety. I think if I had the anxiety under control, I'd be better able to function because the sadness is all I've ever known. The anxiety was numbed for many years by meds, so it's new to me, along with the feelings.

I see the psychiatrist tomorrow, and I'm going to ask more questions about ECT. I've read that, while it's 80% effective for depression/bipolar, it doesn't address anxiety, which may become worse after treatment.

I wish you the best in this battle!

[Kkimm]

Hi

My reply to Dolphin was sent in error and was meant for you if you wish to read it

[SadSuzie]

I am so glad you reached out to someone. Keeping connected to friends family or just another person helps a lot.

I have struggled on and off with clinics depression for years. I didn’t know what it was until about 10 years ago when I bottomed out.

I just recently got thru my longest episode ever; 18 months of a deep deep depression. I have only taken Paxil during these episodes. It makes me gain weight even tho I don’t eat when I’m depressed.

If you need someone to talk to, please write me back.

I considered ECT but chose acupuncture. It helped relax me and grounded me. I highly recommend trying it. They put needles in the ears and top of head but it helped me a lot.

Praying for answers for you🙏

[Bipolar2 in reply to SadSuzie]

Sorry for the late response, Suzie. Do you take Paxil only during these episodes or take it regularly? I started Paxil when I was in my mid-20s. 10, 20, and 30 mg. did nothing. 40 mg., and I felt like I had some sort of rebirth. Fast forward 26 years later, and I've finally gotten it out of my system, which, for me, was a nightmare. Do you find that Paxil loses its effect every few years, if you've taken it that long? Back when I started it, nobody ever mentioned weight gain. The "Paxil 25" does exist...and then some. As much as I would never go back on it, I think Paxil actually saved my life over the years. I was on it when the stigma attached to mental health wasn't as accepted as it is today; I was embarrassed then and didn't want to admit to being mentally unhealthy. Today, I'll scream it from rooftops. I don't care, I just want help. Thank you for the acupunture suggestion - I'll certainly look into that.

I'm wishing you the best in this battle, Suzie; know you're not alone

[SadSuzie]

Talk therapy helped me to. You might try that too. My therapist gave me ideas of how to cope with different life events. Wish you well.

[Kkimm]

Hi

Thanks for your reply.

I hope you are able to sort out some transport etc for your ECT if you decide you want to go ahead with it.

And thanks yes I have found something that has worked for my GAD and Depression.

It is Venlafaxine or Effexor in the States. It has particularly unpleasant side effects when you start it and is one of the worst, if not the worst to come off, but I thought I would mention it as it is meant to be very effective for anxiety. I have read reports from many people with severe anxiety who have said it is the only AD to work for them after years of trying many others. You are probably know all this but thought I would mention it just incase.

I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago following 2 life traumas. I was one of those lucky people who had never been anxious or depressed and reached my 60s before it hit me like a steam roller.

I now feel so much for people who are suffering from mental health problems now l have had just a small but devastating taste of it. I know how ignorant and unfeeling the rest of society can be about it.

I was very lucky, so far at least, in that Venlafaxine was my first medication and that it was really effective very quickly for me. I have not yet been successful in getting any therapy so far but made my own programme of setting myself daily challenges, excercising, getting enough sleep, eating healthily and working on rethinking my attitude to my symptoms so I am no longer afraid of them etc.

I can only begin to understand how tough it is to suffer for years so I really hope you can find something that provides some sort of relief.

My very best wishes to you and all who have to live with mental health problems.

Kim