New here.

So, hey— Iʼm new here,, and— I don’t... really,, know how to start off.

Well, for starters: I... I don’t know what to do.

I feel... — down. Sad. Upset.

And I feel like there isn’t really anyone I can talk to.

Some people— have discouraged me to talk about all of this. Even people I considered friends.

I... I have these thoughts,, —suicidal— thoughts to be exact.

I wish I hadn’t.

I want them to stop.

I don’t want to feel so negative about myself— be so hard on myself.

I feel like, I can’t talk to my mother and father; I’ve tried, but... — they just don’t seem to listen.

I just want someone to listen.

I can’t stop thinking of different sort of things that I’ve done in the past, things that— almost never fails to make me feel upset.

Lately,, also— I’ve been.. probably,, experiencing something with anxiety, again; I told my mother and father. They... — well,, it seems as if, secretly, they don’t believe me.

But of course, that is just my point of view of this.

For anyone, I suppose— whom reads this; thank you. I appreciate it.

Hope you have a nice day, afternoon, or night.

— A. ♡

[Stilltrying_]

Yes, I get it. I hope it has helped writing it out. Many of us on here feel the same. In your favour is that you are young and still developing; lots of life ahead of you; are you maybe a little insecure do you think? I hope you find the site useful. x

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

Perhaps. Though, could you maybe be specific as to how I’m insecure?

Also; thank you for replying. I’m happy to know I can write it out here. I’m also glad to hear there’s others like me.

[fauxartist]

actually, your not alone at all with all that you have said....there are many people here who have and are going through the same feelings. Unless you have depression or anxiety you really can't understand it. This site has a lot of people who do understand what your talking about. If you read through some posts and the comments others leave you will find out a lot of stuff to help you understand and find people to relate to.

Do you have a school counsellor, would your family be willing to let you go to therapy?

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I’m not sure about a school counselor, — though; I doubt my father and mother would. My father, especially, doesn’t believe that it will, “help” my mother— is starting to doubt it slightly, too.

And I feel happy known I’m not the only one struggling with these things.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

no you certainly are not alone hopingtofindlife.... I love your name by the way....I'm glad your here sharing with people who live with this everyday....including the problems we have with being believed or understood. Family and friends are usually wanting to tell you what they think you should here, or don't want to be bothered with it, or because they don't know what to do they dismiss us. And sometimes parents don't want to feel guilty, like they did something wrong for you to feel this way, so they get defensive and dismissive as well. If your mother is more receptive, and your feeling like your getting more down and just being here is not enough help for you right now, try again when your alone with your mother to talk to her.....this is not your fault, or their fault, nobody did anything wrong to cause this. It's a disease, a chemical imbalance in the brain, there is no cure for depression, but it can be managed. And you may need help professionally to do that. And sometimes medication. This is not just something you get over, or can will yourself better, or just let it go, or just straighten your back and grow up....that's all crap talk....you need help not a critique.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. This means a lot to me. I appreciate this more than you know.

I feel,, afraid (?) I think— about,, talking to my mother about that. Though,, she said she would probably get me a appointment for my anxiety,, though— I just still feel like it won’t happen...

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I don’t know if I can get myself to try to talk with them/her about my suicidal thoughts again— it seemed like,, they didn’t... take it seriously. Or at least— I haven’t talked about it ever since. Even when they came back. I didn’t give them a “update” about it.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

just wait till your comfortable enough to talk to your mom, but honey, if your thinking seriously now, of taking your life.....please talk to her....the ripple effect of making a bad decision because you just wanted to feel better and didn't know of another way out...is a very final and sad choice to make..... I'm posting a website and a video trailer about this subject to give you some insight of that choice. We are here for you....but at some point..you may need professional help to beat this and I implore you to seek it..please.

theswordmovie.com/resources/

youtube.com/watch?v=wYrLa3S...(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I’ve thought about taking it. Though— I’ve never... cut or anything. Only,, thoughts. So far, at least...

Thank you. I’ll... try.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

don't give up.....you not alone....many of us here have been right where you are....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I will try not to, —thank you.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I can empathize. Unfortunately, people who are close to you may not know how to respond, so it may appear like indifference. They are not experts on how to help. Do you have a professional counselor or doctor? I'd start there.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Oh, well— you’re right. They aren’t. Though, still—I can’t help but feel upset and overheard, in a way.

No, I don’t have a consoler. I have a doctor(s) but, they help me with some other things, that I’m going through...

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

Good luck to you. I just saw my doctor, today. Trying a new med.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thank you. I’m glad to hear that. Good luck to you, too. ♡

[Essentiallyfree]

I'm new also, welcome. I think one of the greatest advantages you have right now are that you are willing to talk about what's going on and you're aware of how you're feeling. Here is a number that you can call and they can chat with you and even offer one free session of counseling and can find someone local in your area for you to connect with..855-382-5433. I've been in similar shoes except I wasn't willing to open up. I wasn't sure how and I was too afraid and ashamed of how I felt and how I coped. Please don't let the fear of how your parents are responding keep you from seeking the help you need. Sometimes the people closest to us are so hurt and confused by our mental state that they don't even know how to cope/respond to our hurt. You're worthy of help. You're are so worthy of love and life. I've come across some fantastic resources that may be able to help you navigate these feelings right now.. Please stay in contact with this community. bit.ly/2wb9y1W

[Hidden in reply to Essentiallyfree]

Thank you. Welcome to you too.

Hopefully you can get yourself to open up sooner or later.

^ I’m here for you; if you need to talk to someone or prefer to open up to someone one at a time. <3

I appreciate your offer as to the number, but— I’m not really one to contact people, if you know what I mean. Though,

I appreciate it nonetheless.

— A. 💓

[Essentiallyfree in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I have overcome my struggle, thankfully. But at the time I was so afraid that I never opened up. I tried counseling but it wasn't going to work for me at that point in my life. And I think that's ok. As the years went by I tried therapy again when I truly felt ready and it's been a blessing. I understand not having the courage to initiate help. But if you truly want to get help and be better, you'll need to face the fear of opening up to someone and tackle this. It's hard no doubt. But finding someone who you really connect with, and truly having the desire to get help will make all the difference.

[Hidden in reply to Essentiallyfree]

No problem.

And ah— that’s great to hear.

I’ll try to. Thank you. ♡