How to control the uncontrollable.

[sing_my_soul]

My therapist says the majority of my issues have to do with control. Not in the since of telling others what to do and giving orders. More so I've always done certain things certain ways because I can control/already know the outcome.

But how do I control the uncontrollable? I am currently trying to convince. I have been for about 6 months. And every time I see aunt flow show up I break more and more. I feel like I'm broken more so then I already am. Like I can't do the one thing only a women can do.

I can control a single thing about it and I know that. I am completely aware, but as soon as I see flow I go into the darkest place.

Everyone says 'stress less' 'relax' THAT IS LITTERLALY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DO. I AM IN A CONTINUOUS STATE OF DEPRESSION AND HIGH ANXIETY THAT I CANT MANAGE.

I just need to know I'm not the only one. I know I'm not when it comes to having to try for a period of time. I just need to know more so that I'm not alone when I feel worse and damaged.

[Hidden]

You’re not alone. For me it goes like this- stress at work causes me insomnia, after awhile if I can’t stop, the insomnia turns into anxiety, then high anxiety, then the depression sets in- thankfully I usually can stop there. I stop, recollect and start a new focus I. Life.

[hypercat54]

Hi first of all you are not broken or even damaged - you have depression and anxiety, that's it so don't make it more than it is. Many us have this but there are many things you can do to help yourself. The first is to recognise the above and that it is possible and indeed very likely that working on yourself like you are will produce results.This might take a long time and you only see small changes, but eventually this will lead to bigger ones.

Anxiety can be helped by distracting yourself and trying to look outward more instead of inwards. Mindfulness is also useful as this teaches you to live in the present rather than the past or future.

There are also many books and YouTube vidoes on anxiety and depression so have a look at them. I am sure others will be in soon to give you their experiences.

Oh I have never heard of Aunt Flow before so can you clarify this please? x

[sing_my_soul in reply to hypercat54]

It's an expression used to describe ones Period.

[hypercat54 in reply to sing_my_soul]

Thank you. Was any of my reply useful to you? x

[sing_my_soul in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, some. J struggle with mindfulness (kind of like self care) because everything I've ever done is for others. Not me. I've never been the person that can live in the moment/present. Not that I can't see the beauty in doing so. Trying to just amps my anxiety to be honest.

[hypercat54 in reply to sing_my_soul]

Feel the fear and do it anyway. This was good advice I received on here from a very knowlegeable and wise member. If you don't start changing your behaviour then nothing will change will it?

Also remember that if you attend to your own needs as well then you will be happier and so will those around you. It is not selfish but self preservation. x

[LadyO4]

I don't know if there is any way to tally up the number of humans that have been plagued with depression since the beginning of civilization. It's a part of the fallen world we live in.

The good news is that there is always hope! One just needs to look for it in the right places! Doctor, counselors, and therapists all have their own approach to reversing the mental and physiological patterns our brains set up from childhood and carry over into our adult world. But until a person knows exactly what is causing theirs, (and it can be from multiple reasons) they may go round-and-round in circles trying to latch on the to a lifeline to carry them to safety. It is imperative you seek the right kind of help to uncover the root cause of yours.

The control issues are symptoms of unresolved conflicts, and while it may not be possible to go back and revisit those situations that caused the problem, there are ways to reverse this type of thinking that trigger the onset of anxiety resulting from control. I would highly recommend setting up a phone consult with a functional doctor and ask some questions to see if they can help. If you google "functional doctors in _________ " you can see who is close to your area.

Have you ever visited with a pastor or other clergy member from a Bible based church? Someone who knows the Bible can provide the backdrop you need to understand why humans fall prone to these types of problems. My Christian counselor helped me tremendously. Getting the bigger picture will help you trace back where the problems may have started and why. Feel free to write back if you'd like to talk more.