I tend to remember the bad things that I did more vehemently than good things.

[97Bunny11]

I just realized this today. I remember more of the mistakes that I had made more frequently and vehemently than any good thing that I had done. My head is full of so many mistakes that I've made that it feels like that's all I do. Make mistakes. It's not like I can't remember any good thing that I had done. It's just that those good things are just pebbles being skipped through a lake whereas my mistakes are giant boulders. I'm still beating myself up for things I've said to people years ago even though they've already forgiven me.

I know I need to stop this, but I'm not sure how. I wish I could erase the bad memories.

[Figgenhoffers]

the brain is wired by evolutionary processes to remember bad times more than good times. This is to make sure we can avoid danger. It’s kind of the set of our brains.

[97Bunny11 in reply to Figgenhoffers]

that’s an interesting way of thinking about it. I personally don’t follow evolutionary ideals (I’m a Muslim so we have different views on that) but I can see how this can help avoid danger….. Still sucks though. I tried sitting down and tried ti think of genuinely good things I’d done for others and my mind is running blanks. Feel like most things I did for others were for validation (except cooking for my family)

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I have these thoughts when I was quiet moments. Usually it happens in the shower or at 3am when I'm lying awake. Your brain just reminds you of those cringe worthy moments and mistakes in your life. You're right it does suck.

I think besides it being a defensive mechanism to protect you from danger. But I think your brain does it to get you to reflect on matters because you haven't dealt with the pain and hurt that it caused you.

We all have regrets and we all have things we wished we could have done better.

But we have to forgive ourselves. If we only knew what we know now, we would have made different choices. We can't go back in time. The only thing we can do is be a better person than what we were.

I noticed you said things you did for people were out of validation. Maybe it's your brain trying to tell you to stop that. Cause it only hurts you in the end. You are more than enough. You are worthy of love and respect. You don't need outside validation from people who you already know won't give it freely or ever will. Know that you can stop that. Be you, the wonderful person you are.

Btw I'm sure you have done many good things for people. You just don't know it. But you probably made a stranger's day by just showing them kindness.

Wishing you healing and love 🫂 ❤️

[97Bunny11 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you so much, I needed to read this ♥️

[Alpakka123 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I actually needed to hear this as well, so thank you!!

[Midori]

Pretty sure we all do this, The guilty feeling we've upset someone, goes alongside people pleasing, and the feeling that others can look at you and know what you 'think' you've done wrong.

Cheers, Midori