I have been trying ...too hard... i worry...too much... I care so much it makes me sick...I push myself far trying to make myself worthy which I already am... so the good voice says
... my illness will tell me I will never be enough no matter what... so why listen to that dead-end bullshit!? it’s hard because I grew to trust that... but part of me does see it’s the illness speaking and not the truth ..
..and I am not alone in doing this worry thing, stress, go ,do,go,do think think think to the point where my hair has been falling out for over a year now off and on. Stress, I’m going to get rid of you.some day soon.
I will grow in self esteem and love and be able to be okay as I help others on this journey...it’s hard to be there for others when we are so broken ourselves but we manage to anyway because our hearts are so immense in the way we love. And we get hurt for simply showing love, like its a weakness...our hearts getting broken because of thoughtlessness of others but we keep loving anyway. Bitterness seeps in at times and we wade through it and emerge stronger, brighter, wiser.
I need to believe I can stop spinning out of control. I see my mind yearning for peace and I visualize the peace holding and grounding me in my heart. But it’s like a dream, I wake up. And suffer so. We do cause our suffering to a degree but can it be stoped or were we born to be this way?
Went to the dermatologist today and hope the new scalp oil along with medication helps.
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Starrlight
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You are so good at writing Star! I think the disease likes to talk a lot more than we have control over. It can feel like a demon sometimes. I hate it. What's going on with the dermatologist? Is everything okay? You said scalp oil and reminds me of something I used to do....
Thanks LiveandLetLive ...I don’t know. I don’t feel okay. Dermatologist says my hair will fall out more as I am more stressed which I knew that’s how it’s been but it’s even more stressful to worry about trying not to be stressing ... I wish I could just disappear sometimes. Last couple of days I keep on crying. i wish it was my time to leave this place. I know that sounds drastic but I am tired of suffering. And I think of my kids and feel guilt for wishing to leave.
Awww hunny!!! Are you scratching? Do you remember when I used to pick my scalp so bad? Omg it was awful. I feel like that's why my hair is thinner now. I wish I could make you feel better. I know you're really struggling. Remember what you do have though and how strong you've been!! You got this girl!
I think those of us with anxiety and or depression are inherently more thoughtful and sensitive and kind and caregivers because we know how hard it can be to not feel content. Keep up the good fight Starrlight and good luck at the dermatologist. I’ll be that you are beautiful regardless though. ❤️❤️
It is overwhelming sometimes and the pressure that we put on ourselves doesn’t make it any easier. Sometimes I wish I didn’t give a damn and breezed through life carefree and without a worry but this is who I am and I am someone’s mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend and I have to keep fighting. I don’t have a choice and neither do you. We will have peace, Starrlight❤️
We will? I want to be how I used to be, so carefree and felt invincible. Yeah I hear you. Not a choice really. I was just thinking of why I need to stay. Well I think you are great the way you are but would be nice if you didn’t have to suffer.
Reading this makes me feel like it came right out of my head. I guess good to know we aren't alone in thinking this way. I hope your journey gets better!! Take care!!
HeyDdorne.We care so much but we need to let go of some of the pressure we have put on ourselves and trust, right? Not always easy. I’ve been feeling sense of peace in the chaos lately. How are you doing?
Yes we are the leader of our mind, so true... thoughts may pile up if we don’t go through them I feel like. Some people have a good filtering system I think to weed out what we don’t need to listen to ... sometimes I listen to the wrong thoughts when I could be letting go.
I’m glad you got to talk that out and feel better. You deserve to have your happy day! 😊 ((((((((hug))))))))
I know! There’s always something isn’t there?
Trying to have inner peace and happiness no matter what is going on. Little things can seem so large at times. My tooth has felt sensitive so I’m afraid it’s a cavity or something, seeing if it goes away ( been having the sensitivity since Sunday morning) if it’s still there tomorrow I will make an appointment.
Yes it is. I would feel like a millionaire if I could really have a day of peace! Haha
One of the aches, I hate the most toothaches. Yeah, if i feel something wrong with my tooth, i would feel worried too. Do make an appointment with a dentist.
Same to you my friend. I know you are very strong. I am inspired by you.
Yeah, I had one today too. But I kept telling myself, it will be alright. Everything will be alright. With a prayer to God. Indeed. They are alright. I'll pray for you.
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I'm always here girl XOXO <3
xx
Slowly losing faith again…
Tension headaches 
Struggling with medication
i do not want to be a mom. 
