Need Advice With a Trigger

[Aardbark]

Everytime I think of my children , I get depressed. When my daughter was 12 years old age, she called me juvenile and immature. She is now 16 and has not communicated to me in over a year and a half. My son is 14 and met my family for Christmas and wrote me a text in March. He also let's me text him every Sunday. When my behavior was questioned prior to proper medical treatment, I know my ex-wife told them of my mental illnesses. Today rearranged my apartment which contained many of their photos, triggered another depressive episode. I put all of those photos in one spot. I considered just putting the photos in a box and forgetting them. However, I know I never truly spoke to my parents until I was 18. I have no idea what they are going through, and with validity aside, I have no idea what else my exwife has said about me. I'm not assuming anything else in her regard. Any thoughts? Thanks,

Aardbark

[JP6714]

That’s fucked. I hate people. No one should try and explain any of your mental health to anyone because I bet you it isn’t even accurate and especially not to your kids. My suggestion would be to clear things with your children. If you have a therapist, mapping this conversation out with them would be ideal. And you share as much or as little as you’d like but let them know how you feel about your relationship. It’s never too late.

[Aardbark in reply to JP6714]

Thanks

[NoMonkeyBusiness]

My parents split when I was only 8 months. It was never a very clean friendly separation, even now 31 years later. My father and I have been estranged since I was 16. It’s a long story but he has missed out on half of my life now and there were some pretty big things he’s missed. No matter what our relationship is though, he is my father and I do still love him and in the end I would be there for him if he really needed me. He had emergency open heart surgery a couple of years ago and I left work to go be with him even in that time.

Growing up he would speak negative things about my mother to me even when I was a toddler. At 4 I remember we were waiting for her to meet us so they could exchange me and there was a bigger woman walking inside of he restaurant we were at and he asked if it was her. My response (again, at 4) was no, she’s not fat enough. My father laughed. Never corrected me or said anything. On the other hand, my mother never once spoke anything negative about him to me. I know that was hard for her. However, I did learn things on my own eventually as I got older and found out how he was.

My point I’m tying to make is... I know this is hard and we’re all here for you. They will get older and begin to see things through a different light as they grow and mature. It may not be tomorrow or next month, but it will happen. Do not give up on either of them and showing them that you do love them and want to be there for them. And please, WHATEVER you do NEVER EVER speak negatively to them about their mother whether it’s in vengeance or any other motive. It will only bring you down to a lower level you don’t want to be on. Once your children grown older and begin to see things differently they may even see how your ex wife was immature in the manner she spoke about you. It’s a tough situation and I wish there was an easy quick fix. If you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out.

[Aardbark in reply to NoMonkeyBusiness]

Thanks, I can write many negative things about my ex-wife. However on the phone, I told her that I thought she was a good mother. What she says about me, if anything else, will only haunt her in the end. However I know the effect and the distress that it caused when her father walked out of her life. I would not accuse her of disrespecting me without evidence I'm also an alchohalic with 20 years of sobriety. One thing I learned early on is that you cannot hold resentments in your heart. Furthermore my son has told me that he is impressed that I always weekly text him. I never write anything about her in any respect.

Thanks again,

Aardbark

[Hidden]

Imagines with my happy childhood play in front of my eyes. When time passed and I grew up I was more and more unhappy, with physical manifestation of depression and anxiety. Today I'm lost in this life, feeling that I missed my purpose somewhere in the road of life. Many of you said that we should concentrate on present not on past but the past is the one which define us and in present we have nothing to like, to love, to enjoy.

[Aardbark in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, for my kids I'm going to encourage them to pursue whatever career they want ~ simply because I didn't have the courage to do it at some key times in my life. As for me, I'm happier now because I feel like I'm finally finding my calling. Unless of course, an ugly trigger starts an episode.

Thanks,

Ted

[KMarti19]

I like that you text with your son. Be thankful, tell him you love him because well you do! also always encourage your children when it i available to do so. Our children need parents to help them grow, help them get through life. Good parents are what is needed...

[Aardbark in reply to KMarti19]

Oh he told me that he was impressed that I always weekly text. I also have been trying to encourage him to "just be yourself".

Thanks,

Aardbark