Social anxiety: I v had social anxiety... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Social anxiety

Feathe
Feathe

I v had social anxiety for over ten years. I feel I cannot express my opinion to people bc i m afraid about what they 're going to think of me.I cannot connect to people as I feel others are always better than me.Anyone feels like that? Any tips?

27 Replies
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I get it. I still struggle with it. You just have to keep pushing yourself to attend social events. Just push yourself and after awhile it gets easier. I know It’s SO hard. I will be honest, I’ve made excuses at the last minute when my anxiety got the best of me.

Plan to meet a friend at the door, or drive with someone. There are likely many many people at the same event who struggle with this, if knowing you aren’t the only one helps. Find someone to chat with as soon as you arrive and you’ll start to feel at ease. Good luck.

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Somehowiwil

Thanks for your reply. It's just that I don t feel like I enjoy people's company as I m always afraid of saying the wrong thing. But thank you

Lindsay478
Lindsay478
in reply to Feathe

I totally relate. Facing my fear (of leaving the house) sometimes feels harder than it's worth so that it seems like I don't enjoy it. When really, it's the anxiety I do not "enjoy". On my good days, when I am out of the house, I absolutely do enjoy myself. Some of the best memories of my life were out of the house!

Can you think of any time in your life where spending time with someone else was a positive experience? What about being in public? Did you ever meet a stranger and it turn out to be joyful?

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Lindsay478

Actually it s funny, but I have no problem talking to strangers whom I will not see again, so I don t care what they think of me! It s the ones I see every day I have social anxiety with, because I care about their opinion of me

Lindsay478
Lindsay478
in reply to Feathe

Now we're talking! Getting to the root of it. See my post above, I think it makes a lot more sense now.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Feathe

Same ...

I could ve written this.

I have social anxiety...

End up backing off from those who get close to me or start to know me...but ok with strangers or those at a distance xx

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Hidden

How long have you had it for? For me it started after a horrible relationship that caused me nervous break down more than ten years ago

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Feathe

Had it Around 5 years after a break down...the breakdown was mainly about work and a stressful job...and a move to a new area

Struggled badly with social anxiety after and since 😔

Had a neglectful childhood too which I feel has contributed

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Hidden

I v tried some herbs recently that help, like ashwaganda . I did EFT. That helped reduce it as well. It s still there though, although reduced. I now don t completely freeze when I have to interact. But the stress makes me so tired of interacting. Drained. I think we need to boost our nervous system. I will try meditation and yoga consistently. I would love to also go to the mountains and have no contact with anyone, no stimulus for some days. Unfortunately, I cannot do it for the time being . How do you cope? I think also knowing others feel the same helps

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Hidden

And also had neglectful childhood

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Feathe

I’ve had lots of therapy, some has helped and gaining knowledge about it helps too.helps to better manage it, but it’s very deep rooted that fear of judgement..I am constantly working on that and fear it...I don’t take medication for it, I do have high blood pressure which I take meds for..

It’s most difficult with neighbours..I live in an apartment and therefore neighbours are Closeby which creates lots of anxiety for me around going outside when they are around...😔

Xx

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Hidden

Meditating helps a lot certainly helps me get to sleep...as ruminating used to keep me awake x

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Hidden

I totally understand. I don t take meds either. And I currently live in a Buddhist centre and the teachings are awesome but I have to share a kitchen and constantly be with people for this reason which is exhausting

Hollick
Hollick
in reply to Feathe

Understand what your saying and have lived it, but the flip side for me is that meeting complete strangers for the first time can definitely ramp up the SA, as your looking for approval..

Hollick
Hollick
in reply to Lindsay478

The best medicine for social anxiety is to stop avoiding events and take the opportunity when avail to GO OUT and socialize! Really! Exposure therapy.

Are you taking any meds? There are many very effective medications that can greatly reduce your social anxiety.

I suffer from social anxiety from time to time. It depends on who Im meeting and if Im by myself or not. I understand what u go through. It's simply awful. Im in therapy for it and it's not easy. Medication helps but it's not everything. If you dont or cant see a therapist there are many self help books out there. Many people here on the site swear by Clare Weekes. Look her up on you tube. Meditation, yoga, and or exercise helps too to calm and clear the mind.

We are here to help! You r not alone.

XxSunni

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to Sunnidayz1

Thanks. I do meditation but not consistently, I need to do it more and yoga does not sound bad

Sunnidayz1
Sunnidayz1
in reply to Feathe

I am tellimg you it will change your life.

Both will.

You are not alone that’s for sure. I relate to all of this. Social anxiety leads to isolating and I have been doing that for the past month again. Need to break it. But the ups and downs are hard to control.

When it comes to fear of judgement, it usually ties right into a fear of abandonment. We fear that "saying the wrong thing" will lead to them "not liking us" and therefore, they will leave us.

Remember that even the greatest people out there are not universally "liked" and do not always say the right thing. Sometimes that in itself is exactly what makes us likable, is having a modest approach and sharing our shyness.

I have a friend who also suffers from extreme social anxiety. She needs coaching for just about any social situation she embarks on and tries to avoid many others. The thing is, she is also an avid gamer, she loves to travel, and is intelligent and funny. These are things that we are missing out on when she succumbs to her fear of abandonment! Even still, I remind her on a regular basis that someone not liking us and even being irritated by us is perfectly within that other person's right. Why take away their right to feel however they want to feel, especially when you know that most of the time it has nothing to do with you.

Perhaps you start smaller than an all-out huge social empire. What about a small book club? A gaming club? A chat room? Something intimate, but also that provides some exposure. What if you tested out saying the wrong thing now and then and seeing how bad that really is. Chances are, it seems scarier than it is.

Thanks.You 're right. Khan t realized the root cause was fear of abandonment.. I am scared to try bc i feel tired of feeling anxious when I interact but I will try to try..it helps to know others feel the same way

i meant..Had not realized

I have SAD, too. It really sucks. Wearing earbuds so that you can't hear people talking or laughing around you helps. (Whenever I hear people laughing, I assume it's about me, and so blocking it out works) Make a list of traits that you like about yourself and hang it up on the wall. Read it every day and remember that whatever people may think of you, you're still a lovely person. Easier said than done, but it's best to focus on the positive. Be sure to not push yourself too much in public and give yourself some me-time so you can recharge.

Feathe
Feathe
in reply to doggieeees

Thanks for reply.I know what you mean about earbuds and thinking maybe others are laughing with you

I am so sorry you feel this way! I struggle with social anxiety. Have you tried to join a support group with people who are feeling the same way as you? I find that it helps me talk with someone face to face who is going through the same thing as me. I hope it all gets better!

Thanks for reply. I find that since I v been taking ayrved a herbs for anxiety, I think my nervous system is calmer and I feel kind of better. I still don t enjoy being with people but at least I don t completely black out with fight or flight. How are you coping? Any tips that help you? Yes talking to others who feel the same is helpful

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