Social anxiety

[Confused000]

Somehow it seems that when I experience social anxiety I turn to this platform. Now it is not necessarily to ask for help, but to say what s on my mind, to let go of some of these thoughts and maybe hear some of your experiences.

I have actually been much better lately, comparing to how I used to be months, even years ago, but some things are harder to change.

I work out 2 times a day, I meditate, I practice yoga, I am in a better place mentally, but when it comes to socializing.. I must admit that even though where I live the restrictions have been mostly lifted so you can now go out and hang out with people, I haven't been doing that. It is much comfortable at home, where I have my peace. Also I did get out of the house as I live quite in the nature, in a peaceful side of the town, but I haven't interacted like face to face with other people, only a few, very few times.

So today I spontaneously decided to hang out with some of my friends. They are really close friends so you would think that when you are with the people closest to you you'd feel better, without anxiety. But for me it isn't like this. Even though I was excited to see them, to be with them and all that, I felt tied up, like I couldn't be how I wanted to. My whole body was trembling/shaking involuntary (not noticeably to others), mostly my head which I find really weird (the trembling). This happens to me quite a lot. Even when I am with my family or anyone else but myself. And some times are better, but some are too bad. Today wasn't that bad actually, but felt a bit harsh as I thought I have dealt with this and now it wouldn't be a problem.

It's things like, how do I stand, how do I keep my hands, where do I look at and things like this and my body is like it cannot take so much worry at a time so it breaks down into this trembling state.

It happens a lot of the time. There were times when I was at the table with other people and I just couldn't eat because my hands were trembling so hard to a point where my head would to this too, then my body. I still get this sometimes, even when with my family, eating lunch or so. So in basic situations I tend to loose this control. It may be because I worry about how do I look, what other people think, how do they see me. I try to control these things and I seem to be better from this point of view but sometimes I feel like the progress I've made is nowhere near what I thought it was.

Drinking alcohol frees me of all these so a lot of the times, when I go out, I drink something so I can socialize and be myself. I know this isn't and shouldn't be a solution but as long as I can be comfortable in the world, I'll take it.

I thought that it could be linked to something OCD related. As maybe I have this need to control things and as I cannot know what others think of me, how they see me, how I look to them and everything, it may trigger myself and release that defensive state.

I manage my depression so well, I am so so much better, grateful and happy for everything but the anxiety persists. And I normally love being around people, having fun, being adventurous and doing crazy things, but anxiety is a stop on the way.

Do you experience similar things? How do you deal with social anxiety?

[Beevee]

Hi. That’s a lovely eloquent post.

I had all sorts of anxious thoughts and feelings all day, every day and not just relating to social interaction. I felt extremely edgy, to say the least in all situations. I managed to overcome all of that by doing stuff that triggered my anxiety, facing my fears, of which there were plenty because that is what anxiety would have you believe. It’s all very convincing but it is also completely false.

Anxiety exaggerates all the emotions, makes mountains out of molehills. It creates fears which simply wouldn’t be there if you didn’t have anxiety so the only way to overcome it is to go towards those fears, keep socialising and gently turn your focus on what is happening on the outside, not on yourself. Over time, those anxious thoughts and feelings will fade away because you no longer fear socialising or the feelings that come with your anxiety.

There is a quote which could relate to your situation which I also think is true and a good attitude to have.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Best wishes

Beevee

[Confused000 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you so much. Your posts are so beautifully written and so helpful! Wish you the best!

[Iammesues]

Social anxiety is really hard. We live in a world that cheers on extroverts, making them bosses and leaders. We introverts try to make our way and it’s like swimming up stream

[Confused000 in reply to Iammesues]

Thank you for your answer. To be honest I think it is normal for extroverts to be maybe more cheered on by others. Because most people won't wait for an introvert to finally be ready to open up and won't use their time to help them get out of their state. It's easier cheering on an extrovert. Even though we as humans should help one another, I don't condemn those who choose not to live their life trying to make the introverts around more included into society. It would be selfish from my part to expect that.

But I believe that it is really important that we do not compare ourselves to others. I, as an introvert, try not to compare to extroverts and to feel like they are superior or like they have it easier in life and injustice is made. Because it just not like that. I know my worth and I know that I am just as much in this world as an extrovert is. I am enough. They are too.

Life is way way more beautiful and easy when you choose to accept yourself, when you choose not to compare to others.

[Confused000]

Thank you for your response. No, I am not on any meds. The shaking is triggered by social situations as I've noticed. Hopefully things will get better.

Best wishes to you too!

[Tara52]

Yes I can relate to this. I just discovered these experiences are called "emotional flashbacks" caused my some emotional trauma, usually from childhood. Richard Grannon has some good teachings on CPTSD on YouTube. BTW kudos for all the good work you are doing to heal yourself!👍🙋