Social Anxiety

[Bimini123]

Hello, I’m 18 years old and I suffer of really bad social anxiety. It has gotten worse. I never leave my house anymore and always cancel on my friends. I am so scared of what people think of me all the time. Last weekend I went out to a party and I drank way to much (I drink when I’m anxious which I shouldn’t) and I made a fool of myself. The next day one of my best friends didn’t even speak to me. I feel like everyone thinks I’m a slut. I am so scared to speak to people because I feel like they will judge me. I can’t control these negative thoughts. It’s horrible. Tomorrow I’d NYE and I won’t drink because I don’t want people to think I’m an alcoholic... Please help I don’t know what to do

[BlueSky125]

For a long time I fell into the trap of either being pressured to do things or avoiding them altogether. Either way doesn’t work in the long run. So a middle ground is finding things that you can do that get you outside your comfort zone but are not to overwhelming. So you can create a list from things that cause you a little fear to something that causes a lot of anxiety and fear for you. Start with items that cause the lowest fear and work your way up.

You can look up social anxiety exposure hierarchy.

Here is a more in depth explanation. shared-care.ca/files/Anxiet...

[uwujy_]

Hello! I also suffer from social anxiety and never want to leave my home. I completely get how you’re feeling. Sometimes you have to think, are these really my friends? Would friends ever think of you as a slut? I know it’s hard, you don’t want to lose them & feel alone but, sometimes the things you think are important are what’s dragging you down. Do you think you’d be able to talk to your friends and tell them how it is you’re feeling without being judged? If yes, then confide in them. I also feel like wherever i go, people are making fun of me, talking about me and it has gotten worse. I seeked help but all it did was get me locked up in a hospital. Still, to this day, my anxiety it hasn’t gotten any better but i do have the support now i didn’t have before. I start my first day of work tomorrow and I’m extremely nervous, to the point where i just want to curl up and cry. Still, i wouldn’t have the courage to go out and give it a try without the support i have now. Please, confide with someone, let them boost up your confidence & show you what you’re truly worth. I hope this helped, i am here if anything (:

[Bimini123 in reply to uwujy_]

Thank you so much, this really helped. I will consider your advice X

[conquestofhappiness]

My situation might be both similar and different. I don't like any public gathering event, no matter it's with my extended family (i am OK with my own small family and my parents) or with my "friends" (i don't really think i have any true friends.) I want to be alone with myself, listen to music and reading. I am very tired of any social events. But the good thing is that, I can socialize very well if i want, even though I don't enjoy it at all. Part of the reason might be I don't care if other people are judging me or not. Frankly, people judge others, while being judged, all the time. No one is really better than others. Even if other people judge you, so what? Even if you got a gaffe, so what? every one got gaffes in their lifetime. For your part, the most important thing is to tell yourself, it is a waste of time to focus on if others are judging you or not. Finding something important and meaningful in your life is the most productive use of your time and energy.

That's said. I strongly suggest against any alcohol use or any substance abuse-- they are not the solution to social anxiety. They not only make the situation worse, but also damage your physical health (especially consider their harms to your brain). You are only 18, you are actually still a "pediatric patient" in medical term. If you do some research online, you'd know that substance abuse before the age 25 can be especially harmful to the brain (as young people's brains are still developing) . (of course, it remains detrimental to health after one reaches 25 years old)

Meanwhile, do you want to talk to your parents to get their help? They can at least make your life easier through some economic supports, and be trustworthy audience to talk to. I am a mom (even though my kids are sill small), and I am always willing to help my kids out no matter what their ages.

[conquestofhappiness in reply to conquestofhappiness]

One more thing. If you don't feel comfortable going to the parties, just don't go. Parties are not essential part of our lives. When I was in college, I seldom went to any party, even those parties arranged by my academic advisers. I just declined politely,telling the organizers that i had been working hard recently, so i preferred to have some quiet restful time at home.

[Bimini123 in reply to conquestofhappiness]

Yes, I feel like sometimes I just get caught up in making sure I give people the best impression of myself, fearing they will judge me otherwise. You are right. It is a waste of time, people are always judging, it’s part of human nature. In regards to alcohol, I have completely stopped after one night around December where I felt horrible after. I feel much healthier now. Thank you so much for the advice. I appreciate very much X

[bear4ble]

If you have even the slightest thought about being sluttish, it means that you are not! Panic is not knowing what to do/say/sing next. Suggest reading up on aspects of the world that interest you; then you can talk about them to your friends, question your friends about them, suggest a day out at some suitable event with selected friends; all that without talking about yourself and worrying too much. Remember you are just like everyone else - the apparently successful person you see is quite likely to have similar problems to you but they are less obvious. If you are mischevious you might mentally analyse some of your friends and see waht you think they worry about! Also, perhaps find a Horsetime place you can visit and see how that affects you.

[Bimini123 in reply to bear4ble]

Thank you! It’s good to hear. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who feels this...