Not okay but okay

[Strongerthanmonsters]

My friend called me out on it tonight. He said I wasn’t okay. He said I was disassociating and asked if he needed to ground me if I needed to talk. I said no I’m fine. I kept repeating that. I called my best friend to prove to him I was okay. She heard my voice and said what’s wrong? You’re not okay. I said I’m fine. They talk at me. I zone in and out looking for a new distraction. It was a tough day. I don’t want to deal with it though. I eventually convinced them I was okay enough to be by myself. I was driving and thought shit this is not okay. I m making plans to distract. Not deal with the problems at hand. I just don’t want to anymore. Today was too much, but I’m fine. It’s fine. I’m not okay, but I’m okay.

[Hidden]

I've dealt with depression for years, and I have been able to hide it for a long time. However, a couple people lately have said that I haven't seemed happy, so I guess I'm not so great at hiding it as much as I used to. I had no idea I was making it so apparent, but I guess once you've reached a certain point, you can't hide it, no matter how hard you try.

[SheWrote]

If you are not truly fine, you need to accept that. I was that way for so many years and you know what? I robbed myself of a good healthy life, and good healthy relationships. I have them now, but there were so many years lost. Life can be so amazing, people can be so amazing if you let them. That means letting them into your stuff, even when you are not okay. Let them in, let them help you through this. Vulnerability is not weakness, instead, it is great courage!