I want to be better, stronger, mostly for my kids. I love them so much. That should be enough motivation but here I am desperately writing, reading, deleting, writing, feeling guilt. I was getting better. Now I’ve stepped backward. How can I be strong? I wonder if I’m okay even. Should I see if I can manage to just pretend to be strong, to be okay, and then maybe it will come for real? I feel like I can’t keep on like this. I have got to find something. I don’t know what. I try so hard, exercise, meditation, prayer, reading, healthy eating, sunshine out in nature, I don’t know what to do anymore. I look in the mirror and I don’t even know who I am anymore; it’s a scary feeling. I know the mind is powerful I should watch what I choose to focus on. I will try to just ‘do my day’ but my problems seem to interfere. I don’t know what I expect here. Maybe at least getting it out is good. Oh I recently went off three meds so maybe when my brain adjusts I will feel better???!??