Pity Party: My sister said something... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Pity Party

BrownEyesBl
BrownEyesBl

My sister said something that really bothered me; she said I wanted pity. To me that is farthest from the truth. I want understanding. I don’t want people going around pitying me.

I made a mistake and over exaggerated because I wanted people on my side. Because I was hurt and I openly admitted that. And I’m trying to fix it and move past it. I don’t want pity...... and that’s just playing on my mind.

She told me I didn’t like my niece which was hilarious. SHE told me I didn’t. At no point in time have I EVER said that. It’s a lot for me to deal with. I’m an over thinker. It keeps me up at night. And she just scoffs at my depression and anxiety like I’m just suppose to deal with it and eat over it.

I did lie to her and she called me out on it. I lied because I didn’t want to hear another lecture. Because I didn’t want more judgements. This has been playing on me for a couple days now.

She just expects to go on as normal. She had her say but I had to listen and heaven forbid I spoke up; I was “wrong”, “making excuses” and throwing a “pity party”.

I don’t want to be viewed like that. And it hurts to know I’m being talked about......

any advice? Please.

11 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

How hurtful to be told you want pity. I think people often say that to us and it hurts. We cannot help suffering and if we talk about it to the wrong people they may just think we want pity which is far from the truth. I am sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like she does not understand mental illness at all and it is better not to discuss your feelings with her.

BrownEyesBl
BrownEyesBl in reply to Hidden

Thank you. It does hurt. I don’t want people to pity me at all. It’s sad that she has hurt our relationship and sees nothing wrong with what she did and just expects me to be like “before”. I can’t forget that.

Thank you for your kind words.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to BrownEyesBl

If a person has depression or anxiety, they cannot wave it away with a magic wand. It is just not that simple. She really does not understand. I am sorry for that.

I’m very careful who I tell what to. Once I open a door to my feelings to the wrong people I set myself up for disappointment and hurt. Use discretion in your sharing many people need to stay at arms length for my own well being

I’m learning that. And it’s sad that the people you think you can be totally open with, you can’t. In the long run it helps me weed out the negativity in my life ♥️

I can only trust certain people with certain personal stuff. Expecting everyone to know where I’m coming from is naive on my part. I get to know to back off from talking about certain things when the person or people are looking at me like I have three heads. It’s the ones who say, “me, too,” that I foster an initial relationship wit.

Wise words.

I’m so sorry you are being treated this way by your sister. I grew up with a narcissistic sister. I was constantly put down & my flashbacks of an accident we were in when she was driving (she pulled out in front of someone & blamed me. I was 16 & fractured my pelvic bone, couldn’t walk for a month & everyone said I was lying until my parents finally took me to the doc’s for an x-ray) she had kept invalidating my feelings. Any time I was happy, she took it away from me... She also accused me of not “wanting” my niece (long story) I can relate & all I can tell you is to not discuss any emotions with her. I have no contact with mine. After my mom committed suicide, I took care of her, her daughter & my father for 6 years. After my dad died, I left my hometown & cut ties with anyone that brought me pain. I hope your relations with your sister improve. ((Hugs))

We do not need everyone to agree with us or to be on board with our life. It took me years to get that through my head. As long as I was my own best friend I didnt need the aporoval of others. Many of us seem to be conditioned to need approval to feel relief. But it just makes things harder. I wish you peace. Ive been where you are.

When I was going through a tough time, I tried to open up to a friend and her response made me so upset. The next time I had a problem, I was careful to whom I will share my burden. I’m sorry you’re being treated that way. I pray that you will get through this and your relationship with your sister will go well.

Please keep us posted.

Take care.

BrownEyesBl
BrownEyesBl in reply to pink318

She’s been talking to me but I’m keeping her at arms length. She says “you use to tell me everything”. Well I’m not about to open myself up like that again only to have it thrown up in my face and used against me. So I’m being careful.

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