Old habits

[Strongerthanmonsters]

So, I am dating this guy. He is a really nice guy. I’m not use to that. But, that’s not the point. I have this fear of being abandoned. I’m scared that everyone will leave me because it’s happened multiple times. Soooo my solution is to look for someone else as a back up. You know like if he leaves me I have someone else to replace him with. I don’t like to be alone. I don’t want to be constantly looking for replacements in my relationships. He is such a good guy. He’s soo good to me. I feel very strongly about him. I just want to stop being scared. I want to break my old habits.

[brokenlight]

Thank you for sharing Strongerthanmonsters.

Old habits can be so hard to break.

And the feeling of abandonment can run so deep.

I still struggle with abandonment after 37 years of it. Lately I’ve been wondering if it’s just something that’s going to be with me always.

Thankfully I have the most loving, understanding partner ever and we can assure one another. Communication & self exploration is the best advice I can offer.

Journaling about abandonment has been really helpful for me. And I like to share what I write with my partner & then talk about it.

I’m sorry you’ve been struggling and I wish you all the best ✨

[soulboy118]

Try CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy) it might help ,as to getting a spare in case this one leaves you isnt that called cheating ? How would your nice guy ferl if he knew you was seeing someone else ?

[Strongerthanmonsters in reply to soulboy118]

I don’t actually do anything. I don’t flirt and I don’t touch or kiss or whatever. It’s hard to explain, but it’s more like a if this were to happen who could I get next?

[soulboy118 in reply to Strongerthanmonsters]

I would concentrate on one guy at a time , a bird in the hand they say , if you have admirers then you know you can atteact men but if you have a good guy and he ticks all your boxes then give it a serious go with him , we all know temptation is out there but its a matter of self respect , can you imagine the stress of seeing this other guy as well ? For your own peace of mind you know what the right decision is

[Strongerthanmonsters in reply to soulboy118]

I don’t think you understand. It’s the feeling of being scared all the time. It’s not just with romantic relationships. I do it with friends and things like that. I mean I get it friends don’t always last, I know that. My own father left me. The only family I feel I have is my mom. I’m scared she’ll leave too. So I look for a replacement for her too. But that’s impossible I can’t replace her. I’m scared of getting close to people in fear that they too will leave me. So, don’t make me sound like an awful person who wants to cheat. It’s not that.

[soulboy118 in reply to Strongerthanmonsters]

Im not saying that your a horrible person and i know anxieties can make us do things that seem irrational to other people but to us make perfect sense , you must do what you feel is best for you ,people come and go in our lives , our lives are like a train journey ,people get on the same train as us heading the same way but on that train people get on and ride with us a little whike then get off at their stop try and look at it that way if you can , i know its easy for me to say i just hope you can feel better about people

[JumpingFrog]

Sorry to hear that, I understand how you feel as I had failed relationships because me ex partners could not cope with my insecurities. My parents split up when I was young and I feel that was the cause of my problems. Don't find a back up partner as that will only cause you more stress.

[Kat63]

You might be helped by a 12-Step program, like Codependents Anonymous or SLAA.