Trying to recover from narcissistic abuse

[pianoplayer90]

After being in therapy for over a year, I have come to the realization that my mother is a narcissistic abuser. She and my father had a destructive relationship. I say destructive, because she slowly and corrosively destroyed my father. They would often fight explosively when I was a child. My mother would blame me for the troubles in their relationship, saying things were fine before they had children. I once didn't clean the kitchen floor spotlessly, and she put my brother and I in the car and asked why she didn't crash it and kill us all right then. She led me to believe every family had problems like this, normalizing my experiences. She was also my mother, and I felt I had no control over how she treated me. Beginning at age 12, she told me my father was having affairs, planting ideas in my head, showing me "evidence" of his infidelity. Over the course of a decade, she did this, telling me I needed to keep it from my brother so he could continue to have a strong role model. Finally, at 22, I spoke out to my father, who was shocked because none of these affairs existed. My mother immediately backtracked and said I was creating the whole thing, and that she had never told me about any suspicions of affairs. My brother posted on his facebook he has trash for a sibling. I have been trying to recover from the psychological impacts of this. It's been difficult. After college, my girlfriend of 4 years left me. She had been my respite and support. I felt very lost and adrift, and I am trying to make my way back to normalcy in the hopes I will be able to live a normal, happy life.

[brokenlight]

You have been through a lot pianoplayer90 & sound like an incredibly strong individual.

I’m sorry for your pain & suffering, & thank you so much for being here ✨

[froggymom88]

Pianoplayer90, I am so very sorry for the painful childhood and life you have endured. I know you can and will heal if you give it time and work at it. Remember you are a marvelous creation and deserve happiness. I will be praying for you.

[pianoplayer90 in reply to froggymom88]

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

[froggymom88]

You are welcome. Hugs.

[Katnessx]

Hey, I’m sorry for your pain. I had a very similar childhood, very similar circumstances, it resulted in my leaving home at 15. It took me a good 10 years to heal; in that time I found writing extremely cathartic, also researching online and finding that I wasn’t the only one person treated this way helped me. With Narc parents as you know, we are the black sheep and they know how to twist others against us, truly making us believe it’s something we did/are.. it isn’t. It really isn’t. Just as I have mental health problems I guess my mum did/has too and hers happens to be being a narc. I forgive her because I learnt through mindfulness holding onto the pain just makes me worse, and over time I’ve learnt to have a relationship with her at a distance. I know it’s difficult I’m sorry to offload I guess I wanted you to know you’re not alone and feel free to message me if you want. Grow through what you go through and all that. Hope all is okay x

[Pearl67 in reply to Katnessx]

Wow! Forgiveness! Mindfulness! Thank you for sharing. You ate a wonderful light!

[Mary-intussuception]

Always remember that you are Precious - and you deserve a bright future.

God Bless

xXx