Does it get better? Do people really come out of it and find their path in life?

[epsilon]

I don’t know if it’s depression, anxiety or self loathing. But lately, i find myself alone with nothing but anger. The oppurtunity didn’t present itself yet to kill myself but then again, even if it did i don’t think i’ll have the guts to do it. So i keep isolating.

[Hidden]

I think you survive some problems and face new ones throughout life but we also have great victories along the way.

I have faced childhood abuse, abusive relationships, divorce, losing babies, alcoholism etc. But I also remarried, found love, had a beautiful daughter and have a thriving career I love. Now my husband is unemployed and we are living with his mom for two years. Problems don't stop one day when we figure it all out. We just keep going and learn from the past to help us with the next crisis, hopefully stronger and wiser next time. Enjoy the good stuff and take it all in. Life's not so bad after all.

[epsilon in reply to Hidden]

The wheels just keep on turning...

Thank you.

[kenster1]

yeah it does get better through hard work and sheer determination.never give up do what it takes to get better.learning to live with our illness is far better and easier than trying to fight it.one small step at a time.

[epsilon in reply to kenster1]

Accepting is better than fighting, I like that.

Thank you.

[kenster1 in reply to epsilon]

yeah the term fighting gets edged in our minds and we find it a harder struggle.we should be looking in the mirror more often looking at ourselves and saying this is who I am but im not going to let it take my every thought.

[Kat63]

I know it’s hard. Sometimes I hate life. But I’m scared to kill myself. What if God punishes me in the afterlife?

Or, with my luck - something good would have been just around the corner for me, and then I’d miss it.

[tppppppp]

Get out of the house. Go to a park. Call someone. Do it. Trust me. It's all lies. Lies you're telling yourself.

[Mumma_h]

Hi epsilon, That's exactly where I was, self loathing, deep depression and anxiety, I think the self loathing started the anxiety. I promise you you can get better. Believe me if I could anyone can, I really believed I would be stuck like that forever and the best I could hope was for the years to go fast. I wish I could give you an easy answer how I got better but I did. I didn't even really stick to meds ( tried them briefly here and there) , I briefly tried councelling too but gave that up quick because I was terrified of saying how I really felt , so I pretty much suffered in silence and alone . But I still got better. I would never ever suggest not following through with help because it's a cruel thing to go through though. But still I got better. I can remember one day thinking about what to have for dinner and all I could think of was wow!!! That's all I have to worry about? It felt soooo amazing, free again, motivated and happy,purposeful! Happy in that moment. I've still had bad days , recently very bad days, but not for long and this time I pulled out all stops( took meds , told friends and family, as psychologist) because I was soooo terrified of going into that depression again and I'm feeling good again . I'm telling you all this beacause I want you to keep hope and believe it will happen. Maybe it was god because it feels like a miracle; I don't know . I understand just how you feel, like so many here, to not want to live anymore,you are not alone . You have people here who really care because we know how horrible it is. Dont underestimate any little thing that makes you feel good any bit of joy no matter how small,it all contributes to the healing process of our brain. Sending you love and lots of hugs and look forward to the day when you feel lighter and good and even excited about something again ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈😘

[epsilon in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you. Really ❤❤

[epsilon in reply to Mumma_h]

Many of the things you said makes perfect sense to me, cause going to any kind of therapist freaks me out. Also, i've had periods of time when i felt magically better, i think it's a discipline, like a radio, i think we have the ability to channel the good mood or the good feelings. But sometimes one finds themselves so tired that everything seems impossible.

[rsherma]

Many of the great things in life are on the other side of pain.

No one has it figured out, we are all just trying to figure out how to get through life.

Be your true self!!

[IRISfrye]

I find when I am in that place of wanting to isolate I have to force myself out. Even if I just get out into nature for a walk. But I've also tried to honor that need to isolate and ask "it" what it is there to teach me. It's a fine line though, too much isolation for me turns into depression. I also agree with above who said to just find joy in any little thing you can, it grows into bigger things!! Writing helps me also. Putting thoughts on paper puts things into better perspective for me! I am just thankful to be here, life is such a beautiful gift even with all it's ups and downs!! Sending you good energy!

[epsilon in reply to IRISfrye]

Thank you 🙏

[Whatodo]

Similar situation but keep trying my best. Mornings are the worst. Just getting out of bed. Trying to force myself to get out. Not always successful. Always thinking why, but there is no reason. And also when it will end but I don’t know. They say we should question the negative thoughts, meditate, etc but dies not work fir me most of the time. I am trying very hard not to blame myself and not to avoid these feelings because they say if we do it’s gets worse. They say what we send to the universe is what we get back. So let’s try together to send a positive want to the universe of what we want and believe it and see what happens. Easy fir me to say but hard to do. Let’s keeo on trying. Take care.

[epsilon in reply to Whatodo]

Yes I believe in that too, i believe what we send is what we receive.But i also believe that it is hard too.

Thank you.

[Strebbs]

Hi there, that’s really really hard, I’m sorry you’re dealing with it <3

Depression, anxiety and self-loathing often tend to come in one package, lol. I wouldn’t overthink it; I used to spend so much energy trying to decide between several truths about myself (ex: “is it anxiety? Is is depression? Or is it something else secretly that’s wrong with me?? Oh gods, I have to identify...”) aka trying to gain some certainty and control over an unpleasant situation, lol. Bottom line is, you’re sick and you’re having a hard time, and that’s valid no matter what it is “you have”.

I want to say something that makes more sense to me now, but certainly didn’t two years ago: yes, life is full of hardships that come and go and come again; being human involves recurrent pain. I feel like a lot of people say this, and is perfectly true. Hearing this over and over used to piss me off though, because what I really wanted to hear was “yes, it’ll be okay, your anxiety will go away and you’ll be happy and free.” And I felt like hearing all that “adult” advice was kind of hinting that “no, it doesn’t get better, so I’d better just grit my teeth and white-knuckle my way through life” -_- (My interpretation of people’s comments, as usual being jaded because of my anxiety and my childhood).

But here’s what I CAN say for certain: yes, you definitely can have a happy, fun, and peaceful future ahead of you - AND, your anxiety/depression might not ever go away, it doesn’t have to. Instead, with time and proper help, you will learn how to manage it. This is because mental illness doesn’t really ever vanish like we hope it will - but the suffering it causes can. I didn’t use to believe this, because the only way I’d ever lived was at the whim of my mental illness. In fact, I spent far more time trying to fight the bad feelings and trying to push my disease away, thinking that that was the key to having an anxiety-free day. This is kind of what we all do before we learn better, thinking we can “force of will” our unhappiness away, and if we can only do it well enough, we can have a depression-free day or two. It sounds like maybe we have that struggle in common.

If you aren’t already in therapy, I would recommend that above all else. It might feel scary and painful to even set foot outside or to make a phone call (that’s how I tend to experience isolation) but just remember, that discomfort is growth. Nothing important never comes from within your comfort zone. It’s okay to be uncomfortable.

Sorry if this just sounds like a rambling essay lol! Yeah, there’s definitely hope for you and you don’t need to suffer forever. Stick around, try to bring some more help into your life. It’ll be okay <3

[epsilon in reply to Strebbs]

It's certainely hard to step out of my comfort zone, but i try it sometimes, i call people, i talk about my feelings but there always seems to be something that pushes me back to that comfortable well. I do feel better after a session of therapy, i do feel better after talking to someone close. But sometimes it's too much pressure and I run, even though I know it's good to let things out.

No it wasn't a rambling essay lol, it was really helpful cause a lot of things you just said are things that i constantly feel on an everyday basis and i always resent them and think they are irrelevant.

I can't thank you enough ❤

[Strebbs in reply to epsilon]

Aw, you're welcome buddy!!!! Yeah, I empathize, really I do. "Something pushes me back to that comfortable well", I think that's a really good way to put it, and yeah, that's exactly how it is with anything out of your comfort zone - even if "outside your comfort zone" is doing just about anything, like trying to face your feelings without an old coping mechanism or two.

It's so tough when you first begin to crack at taking care of your mental health, because nothing makes sense. What it feels like for me is your brain is telling you a hundred conflicting things, you argue with yourself and correct yourself, you spend more time in your head than anywhere else and all that does is make you feel worse, makes you feel like you should be doing more, and you keep coming up with all sorts or weird notions and rigid ideals that are meant to help gain some certainty or control over your feelings. And of course, you never really do, lol.

I feel like it's almost pathetic to say "hang in there" or "try to be patient with yourself", but for real, just try your best haha. Wherever you're at right now is exactly where you're supposed to be. Every day you don't give up is an experience that builds up over time. Even if the current experience is shit and feels like nothing is right

I wish I could say something that makes the skies clear up for you and feels like a real revelation this very second lol, but hey, there's no such thing, and that's kind of the point - every day you spend feeling uncomfortable and lost (not your fault because you can't help it, and if you weren't anxious and uncomfortable, well, then you wouldn't have anxiety) but still hope that everything will turn out okay, and just doing your best, is good enough. Eventually you'll start to feel like you're making sense or more and more things, and you'll keep doing better and better.

That's great you already have a therapist! keep seeing them, lol. Remember that you can always ask them to recommend someone else if you realize you're not comfortable talking to them. You're doing a great job <3

[Kat63 in reply to Strebbs]

Thank you for posting. This was a great answer!

[Whatodo]

Nerdy helpful. Thank you. Accepting is important. Fighting this disease and always trying to make it go away dies not work. Thanks again. C