People have promised me that it would get better my entire life. From teachers to my friends and family, to the members of churches I haven't been a part of. Everyone has told me that it has to get better as if it's some kind of rule of life.
I've tried to create conditions for "better" by seeking out professional help, taking care of my physical health, and trying to make the healthiest decisions possible. But no matter what, I'm still depressed.
They say it gets better when you decide you want it to. Well, I did want it to get better for a very long time but it's been over a decade so of course now, I'm not so sure if I can even imagine getting out of this. People say that you need to let go of the past but I've done that to the best of my ability. At times, I've ignored the past completely and it never changed how I felt.
I wish people would be honest with me. My depression is so old that it would start high school this fall. My anxiety has robbed me of simple experiences like having conversations over the phone and sitting in a public park. People say they're sorry and promise me that it gets better without ever telling me how. I don't think I could try any harder than I already have. People praise my resilience as if it benefits me but it doesn't. It's just impressive that I'm still here despite how I've felt for a decade. People can pat me on the back and say all these one-liners but I'm still in the same pain I was yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.