I get so tired walking around all day pretending. Smile at this person, make small talk with that person, laugh at their joke, act like you're listening... It's never ending! Why is it that when people can clearly see something is wrong too, they go on pretending themselves and act like they didn't see anything? How does it go from having a big family and friends, to having no one to confide in? It's all just so damn exhausting. I don't wanna have to fight to get through my life, I wanna LIVE IT! I want this everyday struggle just to get out of bed, to end already. I wanna walk around without having to constantly hold back tears. I wanna shake people's words off and not let them get to me to the point where I crawl in my bed and sulk. I don't wanna deal with constantly trying to catch my breath or feel like my throat is closing up because I'm trying to stop a panic attacking from happening. Most of all I just don't wanna be sad anymore. In this reality, everything hurts.
~S~
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-Sasha-
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16 Replies
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I feel this so much. It seems like it just never gets better and nothing ever changes sometimes. I guess we just have to have hope and do what ever we can so that it will. Hugs.
Yea exactly. Sometimes i even feel like it gets worse out of nowhere. It reminds me of quicksand, the more you fight to get out of it, the deeper you sink. It's always good to give yourself something to look forward to... just to put some light on those moments that are so dark.
You are right completely. You said it yourself it's quicksand the more you struggle the deeper you get. And the one thing we are told over and over is to not struggle, except and push forward. That's so easy, not! It takes time and lots of practice to learn or do a certain thing. Well here's your thing, learn as much as you can about the anxiety, do as much as you can, practice and you will get it. I've been practicing hard for the last 9 years and I have set backs but that just means I have to learn more. Good luck and gentle hugs!!
Yea it's like whiplash going from one mood to another. It comes out of nowhere and half the time you don't even know what triggered it. This is the worst it's been for me and there's even been times where I've switched from good one hour to bad the next. It adds to the anxiety too. Being able to vent on here and interact with people who understand what I'm going through is stating to help a lil. Here's to hoping things get better 😕
I love the quicksand reference. It’s exactly how it feels. One second everything is fine and then out of no where you start to sink and struggle to get out which just makes it worse.
Thank you aaron. It makes such a difference when you have people who not only listen but understand what you're going through. Feeling a lil better already.
Definitely overwhelming at times and it doesn't help when you feel alone. I'm here to listen or talk if u need a friend. I've offered to a few people but no one has taken me up on it. It's always good to talk things out.
It was like I was reading my own words. Stay strong and keep moving forward as hard as it may be to do so. I say every day I just wanna live and not have to fight to do so I feel your pain keep fight and know your not alone
From what you describe, it sounds like you are battling some depression. Have you been checked recently by a functional doctor, who will take some tests to uncover where the problem is coming from? This type of doctor, a doctor who will care about you and take the time to listen to your story, will check your blood, saliva, stool, and urine, to see what is going on in all the systems of you body, and tackle the biggest problem area.
All the body systems work together, so if one function is damaged or working improperly, they can help build it up so it does its job to take care of the problem area. Hormones are likely involved, which means this type of doctor will look at all your glands, all your hormones, check your diet, (since many hormones are produced in the gut), and have you keep track of your daily regimen and monitor changes.
A pill from a convention regular doctor can't do any of this. You are worth so much more than just a pill. Let your body be healed the right way, and give yourself a chance to remove the problem instead of covering it up. I can't say enough good things about holistic doctors who treat their patients with such respect, and whose main goal is to find the problem and fix it. Write back if you'd like to talk more.
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Getting tired [venting]
When can I stop pretending
Ruminating
Mama
Thoughts 
