Desperate for help

[Keko69]

Hi. I've been depressed and have horrible anxiety. I have no friends or anyone to talk to a lot about this. I was searching for a local support group and just can't find one. I've been deeply depressed and have had horrible anxiety for the past almost three years. Been on lots of different meds. I've had this problem off and on since I was a child. I'm really in a bad way. Can't enjoy anything. I don't want to do anything. I feel so alone with this. I wanted to go to the hospital so many times, but I need a support group. Need people who understand. Please can anyone help lead me in the right direction

[JAYnLA]

Hey Keko. Glad you're here. Can you tell us a little about what you are doing to address your anxiety and depression currently?

[Keko69 in reply to JAYnLA]

I um had to move in with my ex husband two years ago because I had to give up my rental home because my boyfriend ruined my finances . I don't like my x at all. My whole family lives overseas so I didn't have anywhere to go. My son lives here and I really helped them out a lot since my x is on oxygen and can't do much.

[JAYnLA in reply to Keko69]

Hey Keko -

What I was asking more specifically was, are you on medication or seeing a therapist?

[Keko69 in reply to JAYnLA]

I see a psychiatrist. I asked him to find me therapy and group Counceling that takes my insurance. He was supposed to call me back but I think he just forgot. He said well I'm here to listen, but I need more than just listening. And yes I was recently on latuda, adderoll, wellbutrin, celexa. I'm only taking celexa now. The adderoll caused me to not be able to eat and I had to stop. Now I have more depression from the withdrawal

[JAYnLA in reply to Keko69]

Yes, the med dance can be exhausting. I'm hoping that you level off soon - I've had many ups and downs as well.

[IHadADog]

It feels like at least part of what makes this site work is that you can just express what you're going through without anyone judging. And people are supportive.; I've needed that.

So please don't feel alone. My experience is that in-person support groups are hard to find, especially if you don't live "downtown" wherever you are. But try Google Maps searches wherever you are; that might do it. There are people who will be supportive. Good luck.

[foxglove_pnw]

Hi Keko , I attend a weekly support group where I live. If you are in the USA search NAMI . They offer support groups across the country.

[Keko69 in reply to foxglove_pnw]

Thank you

[faulhallen]

Welcome to the group!🙂

I’m sure someone has suggested NAMI by now. I know they don’t have times in my area that work for me but it’s a good starting place to look.

I hope you find what you’re looking for but try and remember you aren’t alone. I’m not on here as much as I used to be a few months ago but feel free to message me if you ever want to. I still check messages and talk to a few people from here outside of the site.

I hope you start doing better and find some advice that helps you 🙂. I wish you all the best no matter what you do in life!

[Keko69 in reply to faulhallen]

Thank you

[Keko69]

I hope so much thank you

[crazychkinwa59]

I get it! I live it!!! But there is help! Need any advise I can help with my ,and only my situation.

[Samson1953]

HI welcome to this site. They will make u feel like u r more than a friend they are more like good family. Just sometimes reading n sharing others situations n advise really helps.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

You are in a good place here. Do you know triggers? Do you have some coping mechanisms to try? Do you have any hobbies?

[Keko69 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

No I can't cope in this house at all. I have many beautiful hobbies. I haven't touched any of it for three years now. I did beautiful oil paintings. I loved creating. I loved having a clean nice home. Loved decorating. Loved the spring to get ready to plant beautiful flowers. Loved yard work. I couldn't even stop. It was awesome. Now I can't feel anything like I don't feel like I could even enjoy it for a second. I just get irritated. As a matter of fact I bought paint brushes and paint walked into the house with it and haven't touched it. I bought it three or four weeks ago. I was trying. Just can't feel what I used to.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Keko69]

Start small and try doing a painting. You may surprise yourself and be able to use it to express your feelings and help you cope. It may not feel the same as it did, but force yourself to put brush to canvas.

[Mumma_h]

Hey Keko; you've come through the right place! You are not alone in this. Please continue to post for lots of love and support. I was in depression for many years and I can honestly say it was hellish, like nothing I've ever experienced, I couldn't find a single thing to be truly happy about no matter how hard I tried or how hard I tried to pretend it away. It was truly terrible, so I completely understand how you're feeling. Sending lots and lots of love to you. Please stay connected here, you are worth more than you can imagine. 😘😘😘😘😘

[Keko69 in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you that means a lot

[Pagesofwords]

Dear Keko69:

The first place I turned when I was so very depressed was my family physician. He listened to me for 45 minutes and prescribed me a medication and gave me the name of a mental health center, urging me to get into therapy. I followed his advice. It saved my life. This occurred in 1984. I was only 26 years old. I did a lot of hard work in therapy and was tried on 13 different meds before the right one was found for me in 1992. It was also discovered in 1990 that I had an underactive thyroid--and this can be a cause of depression. With artificial thyroid in a small pill daily and my antidepressants and my healthy coping skills learned in therapy, I am such a happier and healthier person today. I am 60 years old. I wish I could give you a big bear hug and tell you you'll be OK. It takes work though and lots of reading helpful books. Learning about depression and anxiety gives you power. There are ways to fight it. I wish you well! Prayers to you for healing and better days ahead!

[tppppppp in reply to Pagesofwords]

Did you try cbt? That's what I'm trying now. On 6 months if this shit and want it done!!!

[Pagesofwords in reply to tppppppp]

My therapist taught me how to recognize unhealthy and faulty thinking and how to turn these around. It took a lot of work to learn to reframe things. Her technique was similar to CBT.

[tppppppp in reply to Pagesofwords]

Did it help? I hope it did. I'm trying it now.

[Pagesofwords in reply to tppppppp]

Yes, I believe it did work and continues to work. I feel I am always evolving. I have always been introspective--but now (and for several years) I do healthier introspection because I am equipped with a clearer understanding of myself and others. I can recognize irrational thinking and question my perceptions, challenge the negative, so much more as I have grown and changed. I still work on it. I have been at it since 1984 when I was 26. At the age of 29, I felt I had lived long enough and there was no hope for the future. I am 60 years old now. I have had such a wonderful, difficult, beautiful life. And here I'd thought it was over 31 years ago. Boy, was I fooled by my depression. Be patient with yourself because change takes time and hard work (and so often, the right medication). You are worth it, tppppppp!

[Coralrose5 in reply to Pagesofwords]

This gives me hope. I’m 32 and some days I think well, life is over or going to suck for the rest of my life. 😭 I know I’m young and have much to look forward to but some days depression likes to lie to me.

[tppppppp in reply to Pagesofwords]

I'm only beginning my treatment to it. I hope it works.

[Keko69 in reply to tppppppp]

My worst time is when I wake up. I'm in my room by myself and just start thinking way too much and it ruins my day. I just have nobody to talk to so that I don't start my day off that way. I want to do something so that doesn't happen, but I can't do it alone. I always wish there was someone right there that knows that this happens every day and tries to help me and talk to me about good things. Just nobody there

[Pagesofwords in reply to Keko69]

Hi, Keko.

Even though it sounds corny, there really is someone "right there that knows that this happens every day"--and that someone is you! You could try self-talk. Give yourself the boost you need to hear. Pretend that you are helping and supporting another person you love who has trouble with the rumination of negative thinking. What would you say to that person to help him/her? Then, say these things aloud to yourself. One thin i learned in therapy was to say out loud "No" or "Stop it" whenever an intrusive negative thought was in my mind. Challenge your negative or irrational thoughts by speaking aloud to them. Don't let the broken record of the negative thoughts continue to play in your mind.

Another idea for starting out your day better is playing music (if music is a comfort to you). Classical music or instrumental music without singing is helpful. Yet, so can be something with words you can sing along with if you like singing.

I was told by a friend that the way he deals with down feelings is to do something different. Change up your routine. The change and the difference get your mind moving in another direction.

Reading poetry aloud or affirmations or Scripture could be a change to your morning routine. There is something very therapeutic about reading aloud and really listening to what you're reading. The key is to read positive words and thoughts. Also a hot beverage such as coffee or tea can be soothing.

I am wishing for you better days in the morning when you wake up. It will take some doing, some effort but it will be worth it.

In recalling my worst times of depression it would be the getting out of bed in the morning for me, too. When I was really sick, ALL of the time was bad. It was like a heavy cloud, as if I were carrying the whole dark sky on my shoulders everywhere I went. I felt I could hardly walk. Medication eventually helped me.

Best wishes, Keko!

[Keko69 in reply to tppppppp]

I tried it online. It only made me more depressed talking about understanding why I'm depressed. Lol

[Keko69 in reply to Pagesofwords]

Thank you so much. This is the first day that I've picked up my phone to read again. I'm very disappointed in both my family Doctor and my psychiatrist. Family Doc had me on Adderoll for a circulatory problem for two years. I couldn't eat my stomach was so screwed up and the adderoll all of the sudden just made me have extreme anxiety. I only weigh 111 pounds now. She sent me to to have an upper endoscopy and everything was fine. Then I researched all adderoll can do long term and there was my answer. I even told my psychiatrist what was happening and he just looked me in the eyes and said you gotta tell me what you want I can give you more adderoll or some wellbutrin for depression and anxiety. He gave me wellbutrin and I got off the adderoll myself. The wellbutrin drove me insane. I just can't believe he wanted to give me whatever I wanted. It made me sick inside. I started eating just fine after I got off of the Adderoll. I told my family doctor and she was dumbfounded. It made me feel even more alone. I'm eating but no adderoll is making me tired and very irritable, but I have to eat. I had to figure this out myself and nobody would have known. It's so very scary.

[Pagesofwords in reply to Keko69]

Hi, Keko69.

I'm glad you're eating better and are off the Adderoll--maybe it is what caused your anxiety to increase. Eating a healthy diet can help with low moods for many people. And exercise, too.

That's awful of your psychiatrist to have you "decide what you want." The psychiatrist should be the one to explain to you the benefits of various meds and recommend what would be best for you to try, given your medical history. Maybe you need a different psychiatrist. Your family doctor could recommend someone to you. Or at least you need to explain to the psychiatrist that you need him to use his medical expertise to help you. (Have you ever tried Zoloft? That is what I take and have been on since 1992, the year it was first sold to the public. It has been a miracle medicine for me.)

I am sorry that you also are feeling all alone and that your family is so far away. Is it possible for you to let them know what you're going through and see if they could help, such as come visit you or have you visit them? I don't know if that would help or not, just an idea.

Do hang in there, Keko! Eat well and take one step at a time. I'll pray for your anxiety and depression to let up and let you feel better and do better. You are a precious person and you deserve good health and good days ahead. I know it's hard to believe, but you can and will feel better. I am living proof it is possible (although I still have many challenges in mood and life, I feel equipped to think things through and handle problems adequately).

[Keko69 in reply to Pagesofwords]

Thank for those kind words. That really helps from all of you and I wish you all the very best for recovery too

[B4andafter]

Hi Keko69. I used to get saddened and frustrated with people who didn't or wouldn't understand depression/anxiety. I saw it as a failure on their part until I realized that unlike physical injury they can see and process, some people just can't understand and some are afraid anything "mental". You can't change them so looking for a support group is a positive approach. Pagesofwords has given you some good advice. Living with your ex-husband probably isn't helping your outlook on life. I hope in time you can move out as there is little you can do at present. Keep reaching out to this group as your virtual support group and let us know how you're doing.

[Keko69 in reply to B4andafter]

Yea I know I have to move out. Just trying to get well so I can work, but being here can't get me well so that's my big delema. No it's tragic. I have no family here to get that healing and live with them. So I looked of Nami and it's been a dead end I live in Michigan and there's nothing even close for group therapy.. Every time I call a number they don't take my insurance or they're too far or they don't even exist anymore. I'm gonna call my insurance and see if they can find it for me. I desperately need to get out of this house for help

[Lost_One]

Hello Keko69. Just so you know, you are not alone. I know how you are feeling. I've been in a bad way with my depression and anxiety for several weeks now and just like you, I cant enjoy anything, I don't want to do anything and I feel alone with it. I truly hope you are able to get some relief. Keep posting here. You are not alone.

[Keko69 in reply to Lost_One]

Just wish like I could go somewhere and see you guys

[Keko69 in reply to Keko69]

Thanks

[hisipiki]

I'm having same issues. You can talk to me if you want to.

[Keko69 in reply to hisipiki]

Thank you

[Casewest20]

Hi Keko69 ! I am very new to this support group. In fact, I’ve never used any kind of online support group before now. I just signed up yesterday. I know in your post you said you were looking for someone to maybe point you in the right direction. I wish I could help, but it would be like the blind leading the blind lol.

I just wanted to let you know that I am in a very similar situation. I am here if you’d ever like to message just to vent or whatever. I definitely definitely understand how you feel. It can be nearly unbearable.

Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t be of any help. I don’t know if it helps to know that I really understand how you feel. You aren’t alone.

[Keko69 in reply to Casewest20]

Thank you

[suzzze]

Right there with you. Message me anytime

[Keko69 in reply to suzzze]

Thank you

[Keko69]

Its like I need advice every time I'm really going the toughest times like someone to coach me through it.