Looking for support for spouses of depressed people

[kateco1]

Hello, I have been coping with my husband's depression for years. Does anyone know if there is a support group for spouses of depressed people? I have looked and looked, but this is one thing I can't seem to find. I know there was one online for awhile that disbanded. I live two hours from NYC and would gladly go there for the opportunity to be in a group with other people dealing with the same thing.

[Kobojunkie]

why not simply attend therapy with your spouse so you can learn of his particular issues and learn to work with him that way.

I used to attend a therapy group some years back where some spouses would come in to learn a bit about what it is their other half is in fact dealing with, ask questions and gain insight to help them deal.

[kateco1 in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you. I don't think he'll go. In my experience, it's very hard to get a husband to do that.

[Hidden in reply to kateco1]

Oh dear it sounds like his male ego is getting in the way of seeking treatment. He won't admit he needs help as he is either in denial or doesn't want to appear weak. This is unfortunately very common with men.

I would tell him that the biggest cause of death in men aged 25-40 ish is suicide from untreated mental health conditions. Assure him it doesn't mean he is weak or a failure as depression can affect anyone randomly.

Ask him if he for example broke his leg or God forbid have cancer, would he try and tough it out without any treatment? Of course he wouldn't. Well depression is the same and is a serious issue which often doesn't go away without treatment.

Tell him it's not fair on you as you are the one having to deal with his illness and stubbornness and it is affecting your relationship too much.

Read up on depression (if you haven't already) and assure him you don't think any the less of him or think he is weak etc. Remind him it is a sign of strength to get help when needed, not weakness.

Good luck.

[ppip]

NAMI (National Assoc. of Mental Illness) and MHA (Mental Health America) have great support/education groups for spouses/partners/friends. NAMI is very accessible and will steer you in the right direction. Good luck and take care of yourself.

[kateco1 in reply to ppip]

Thank you so much.

[CubbiesWS2016]

I write in a journal. It's a spiral notebook, nothing fancy. It's not hidden. In fact, I have begged my husband to read it to help him understand me better. He would much rather pick up a magazine and read what a stranger has to say about MY condition. He's been to appointments with me, talked to several counselors, we go to couples counseling. It doesn't help him to understand the disease. I truly believe that until they walk in our shoes, they won't "get it". I know he loves me and wants to help. I ask him to pray for me instead of worrying about me. I found that it helps me if I pray for others, I'm hoping it will help him. Good luck, God bless!

[kateco1]

Thanks so much. I've been married for a long time to a husband who struggles with depression, and am coming to terms with the fact that there are always going to be ups and downs. For instance, things were going well then they switched medication. I don't know why they did. But now it's two steps back again. Realizing how much this spills over to me. Therapy can help, but I starting to really feel the need to be around other spouses of depressed people. It's a unique struggle and we have to find ways to give ourselves the attention we need as well. Thank you so much for listening.

[CubbiesWS2016 in reply to kateco1]

Have you tried contacting AA? I have no clue if they can help but they do have meetings for families of alcoholics. Never been there but know people who swear by their program.

[Cklingen]

I also have been looking for some type of support. My husband has been up and down with depression and anxiety. I don't know where to turn anymore.

[Josh-B]

I've been looking for years and have had no luck. Married 20 yrs. D&A spouse for last 5-6. Tried NAMI but the one here wasn't a fit.