Hey, I'm new here and I guess I'm looking for advice on how to feel better? I think to some this topic may be not as meaningful, and I have to confess I feel rather silly writing about it, since it's something most people go through at least once in their lifetime. Well, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me this last wednesday and he was my first boyfriend.
I haven't been eating much and me, a 20 year old girl, has been asking my mum to lay down next to me until I fall asleep. I don't feel motivated to do anything and random memories of my relationship keep popping up in my head. I guess part of the reason I'm feeling this bad is because I created expectations and plans for the future, yknow, how you imagine things going and it's so effortless to imagine his face on those plans.
I guess another reason why I'm feeling this bad is because I think it's a problem that's easily fixed and I think he has really settled in his head that it's not. I've told him my opinion and we had a very civilized conversation (sometimes I wish we had fought instead) and I don't think there's anything else I can do. I asked him to really think about it, and get back to me with an answer within a couple of weeks. He agreed but warned me that we're not taking a time, it's a break-up, so I shouldn't have my hopes high. I've spoken to my mum and she said her and my dad took a break when they were dating too and that gives me faith. I don't want it though, I know I'll feel worse if I still think we'll get back together, but I can't help doing it!
All help is very much appreciated, I feel like I'm not myself anymore.
Hey there.. I'm so sorry that you're going through a breakup. Coming from my past experiences, it's all a lesson to be learned. I know you're heart is hurting and it's normal! You've gone out with him for 2 years and that's quite a while... I know you have hopes and dreams that includes him being a part of it. And the uncertainty is what's the scary part bc you don't know if he WILL be there. All you can do is "try" to live your life... I know it's hard imagining it without him. Take it day by day. Try not to wait around for him to decide what HE wants to do. Take it from a moron who waited for "her" ex back then. It's hard. I know. Thinking that your life is worthless without him. But I PROMISE you, with every single thing that you feel, there's a reason for it and you will be okay...
Thank you, I mean it. It does help to see that others have been through it. I really don't want to wait for him, but I feel like there's not much I can do. There is nothing that can take my mind off of this situation. Tv, movies, music, walks, nothing seems to work. I feel like I'll only be able to move on once he does tell me what he is planning on doing regarding our relationship. I just feel like sending him a message saying "LETS JUST FORGET EVERYTHING AND BE HAPPY!" but I can't, I really think that it's for the best to give him some time on his own. Oh man, this is hard... And I can't believe I was silly enough to think I had found my guy on my first try and that I never thought I'd experience heart break.
If only I can write a whole book on what I did, you'd probably take the high road! It's really really hard. Everything in your mind reminds you of him. You can't focus. You sometimes forget to eat. You constantly look at your phone. Seeing any updates that he might've made. Anything you can get into just to see what he's up to and if he's still breathing. You get tired a bit but then go back to investigating. It's a tough time love I truly understand. And there was nothing I could've done to make the process any easier. Anyone that told me what I should do, I obviously did the opposite. I did stupid things but I didn't care. And you kinda lose yourself.. The only way I moved on, honestly, was when I had no choice but to accept things. Bc I didn't wanna allow myself to suffer any longer.... that moment (and you will know yours), was the hardest thing I could tell myself to say about him. I told God to help me move on. I just wanna be happy and if that doesn't include him in my life it's okay... I want him to be happy. (Girrrrl, my eyes were puffy when I went back to work). But I slowly somehow got up. Who knows, maybe it'll turn out different for you! You may be stronger then how I was! But what you have to remember, is that everyone goes through it. It sucks being in the moment of it but that's how you become a stronger person. That's how you find yourself and what your true values are and how WORTH it you are. Bc somewhere out there in this world, is a man that will appreciate you for the woman that you are.
Thank you so much for saying those things, I can relate to all of them... I know every person is different, but do you mind telling me how long it took you to get over him?
Hey girl hope everything is good.. sorry for the late reply as I deal with this thing called life. Anyway, it took me months.. only bc it was me that made it last that long. But honestly there isn't any time frame really it's all up to you when your heart is ready to let go. And who knew that the person that made me see my worth was God. And when I did move on, that's when he realized what he had. Totally bullshit right lol..
Oh god... months? I can't do this for months, it's been hell. I spoke to him and told him I couldn't wait more time, it hurt too much, and on that conversation he told me he had made out with a girl a couple of days after breaking up, even though I made him promise not to since it would hurt me just the same because I obviously still love him... but it did make me see how he really is. I know I'm supposed to want him to be happy, and I do, but I'm also angry and want him to regret everything. It's been hard, and I can't find joy anywhere, I feel anxious all the time, specially when I'm alone. I just want to thank you because you have been helping me and writing things down does help.
I'm so sorry girl... at least he's honest about it. And that should let you know what page he's on. I know it's probably not enough to make you move on but it just takes time. It'll be super hard like beyond belief, but your heart will heal I promise. It's normal to feel anxious okay? Don't force anything and just let everything do it's thing. You'll find your way out and you'll be strong. He may not realize what he had with you now, oh but believe me he will. Good women are rare these days.
Thank you as always for your reply. I know he definitelydoesn't want to be with me but to be honest after this whole ordeal I don't want to be with him either. He revealed himself to be weak, and it's better I know this now then further down the line. We want to remain friends though (like most couples say they do but it never happens) but I feel like it may not work out... I don't know. Are you still friends with your ex?
Stop...go out with friends. Your hurting yourself. I understand you. Maybe he doesn't deserve you. He's causing you pain I think. You matter.never forget.your feelings are speaking to you. They are saying stop being sad. It's not healthy. You're not alone. We're here.allways.
Yeah I understand it's not healthy, I'm trying to feel better but a lot of thoughts (heck, all of them) happen without noticing, and I can't help them... thank you for your words, you're kind
The first break ups the worst. You think you'll never love again. You will ...I promise you will...you can't expect him back if he said its a break up and you are young and sometimes people break up because they are young and only dated a few people. You need to be kind to yourself like you would a friend. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Exercise hang out with girlfriends distract yourself with a funny movie. Its going to hurt for a while but trust me it will get better with time. Don't call him. I ts hard but it will get better. My first real boyfriend I was in college and I would start crying in class. But gets better over time and you can only control yourself. Keep busy and get sleep.
Hello i know it's been six months since you posted but i also feel the same right now, my ex left me a month ago and i feel really depressed and with lots of anxiety. I still have all the moments we spent in my mind and that hurts me so much. I also think it is a problem that can get fixed easily but that is how i feel but he doesn't think of that.
I still love him and miss him so much but i had to block him on whatsapp and close my social media cos keeping in touch affects me
He dumped me after an argument, then he said he felt so negative about us and our future, then he said it was cos the age difference. I am 23 he is 36. I was never interested in the age difference and he wasn't either then i don't know what happened. I met him online, i am mexican he is irish and we were together for more than a year. I spent 3 months last year in Ireland. And we had plans to get married and i was moving in in feb, this year but now it is all gone.
The last time i talked to him was on new years eve, he said he missed me and i was amazing but he said he can't be with me, he ask me to keep in touch i couldn't cos talking to him as friends made me feel terrible.
I would like to know how are you doing? if you feel better, cos i feel really depressed at the moment and how you have handled this
At first memories pop up at the most random times, things that aren't even connected to what you're doing at the moment... It's normal, just know that with time they'll start to become less and less. I even have them sometimes, and I think they'll never fully go away but it does get better.
I watched a lot of youtube videos about this heartbreak situation and it helped a lot! I wrote down all the nice thoughts and ideas everyone told me and whenever I was feeling down I read them and it helped!
If you're not with him now it's because it wasn't meant to be... and you'll see that eventually. I'm 100% sure something better will come along, even the next guy you date on that first second you say hi he's still better than your ex, simply because of the fact that he isn't your ex.
My journey now is at a point where I'm trying to feel good on my own. Not depending on anyone to be happy, I think that's crucial before being in a relationship in the future.
Just hang in there! It's so cliche but true that it WILL get better... Just know it's not now, tomorrow, next week and even not maybe in a few months but eventually it will. And there's no specific duration of this mourning period. Don't ever feel like "oh I should be over him, it's been so and so time", every person is different, you'll move on when your brain is ready.
Good luck in the future, and if you need to talk you can talk to me! Enjoy the little things in life, and try to make this 2018 YOUR year! You deserve it!
Talking from experience. Very recent experience, it may seem like your world is ending but in time you’ll see it might have been for the best. It sounds harsh I know but give yourself time to come to terms with this. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you, there are always more fish in the sea.
Break ups are hard, sometimes extremely, it's the old clique one day at a time, you are only 20 there are loads more relationships to be had, I can remember splitting with my first love at your age, I'm now 47, since then I been married, divorced, and now with a new love, don't get to down
Hi there .
I came across your post.. It's still up after three years...
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