Anywhere but here

[Pinkladybug]

Tightness in my throat as I think how deceiving the reality of being an “adult”. As children we strive to become adults but what for?

I feel like giving up. The thought of just ending my chapter and maybe.. just maybe it will be complete utter peace and quiet, away from here. Sorry mom, sorry dad that I cannot provide for our family of 5 as I was always told to stay home and take care of my siblings. Now I’m 25, my siblings are nearly 18 next year and I’d have time to potentially start doing what I truly WANT TO DO.

Have you ever felt betrayed by those you love so so much and cant grasp the fact that the individuals you’ve trusted your entire childhood and adulthood only made choices for you that were beneficiary to THEM? I have this anxiety and depression stacked up like Mt High. I’m glad there’s this app.

[Hidden]

Hey there,

This was to your original message...but I wanted to send it to you nonetheless.

I'm sorry to hear about the struggle. I'm 35 and the whole "adulting" thing is absolutely a raw deal sometimes. We strive to be adults because we think everything is easy and there's so much freedom, but that's clearly a this for that trade at best. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to playing semi-pro hockey and have zero responsibility. I was less stressed, less anxious, and so on.

First and foremost, please don't give up. If anything, it sounds like you have been sort of emotionally abused or extorted by your family on false pretenses. You can work on this and get out of that situation. You are not a failure and do NOT let them tell you that. You let your parents control your future because most parents want to do what's best for their children, not what's best for them. As children, they are our protectors and guardians....if we've had a healthy childhood....there are our beacons that will always be there for us. When they aren't protectors and haven't been doing what's in your best interest, they have failed you. I think you should seek out a good therapist and talk about moving forward....from your family, school/career goals, and see that there is something more out there that you haven't gotten.

That you were expected to take care of your siblings is ridiculous. It's one thing if mom and dad were hurt or needed the help, but a kid should not be required to be the bread winner and parent, especially in exchange for lies. You do not deserve this and no one else does either. You are worth much more than this and that you've done as much as you have is a testament to the very strong human being you are.

What your purpose is....well that's up to you. It's the answer we all seek at all ages....the meaning, purpose, or whatever. I can tell you that there's so much out there for you. I think with a little help from a therapist to work on what you've been through and what you want, you'll find it. If you deserve anything, it's not what you were put through, it's the vast opportunity that awaits you once you break this arrangement off. I'm so sorry to hear that this is the raw end of the deal you got, but please trust me things get better. Heck, you've already supported a family and helped with your siblings...I would daresay your "new" life will be a piece of cake in comparison.

I can't underline finding a good therapist enough though. I really think it's important you answer a lot of the questions you asked by answering yourself. They will help remove the chain and world of lies your parent parlayed you into. They can reduce the anger and help you realize your self-worth. I hope you give it a shot and see what the world can offer. Keep in touch on this and let us know how it goes. Please take care and I hope you realize, without all the cheesiness as this sounds, that YOU are worth it.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Great reply Aequitas x

[Emily16]

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to achieve your own goals. I hope now that they’re older you have the opportunity to create the life you envisioned for yourself. I do want to say that it’s really beautiful that you’ve sacrificed so much for your family.👍🏽 Not everyone does that. I for one could be more helpful to my parents and siblings. You’ve done a really great thing even if you’re family doesn’t acknowledge it. I’m here for you if you ever want to chat!😊

[Pinkladybug in reply to Emily16]

Thank you Emily. Are you the oldest between your siblings? I will add you!

[Emily16 in reply to Pinkladybug]

I am not. I am the 4th of 5. 3 older brothers and 1 younger sister.